AIBU to prefer my current job over a closer five-day role?

[Poppyflowery]

Hi,

im currently in a major disagreement with DH regarding my job. I’m the highest earner and we agreed that I’d pursue my career. This has worked well up until now,

I currently work full time condensed over 4 days. Monday and Tuesday night I stay away from home. I then travel home on Wednesday evening and work remotely from home on Thursday. I then have Friday Saturday and Sunday as non working days. I earn around 100k but also get accommodation and food allowance for the days that I stay overnight, I also have an electric car.

I’ve been offered a new role bear home. It’s a 9-5 5 days a week job with a salary of 90k. DH really wants me to do it. I don’t,

it’s not just the money- I actually like my current set up. DH thinks it awful that I wouldn’t want to be home full time if I have the opportunity,

our kids are 16 and 18 so it’s not as though it will really impact them.

AIBU to stuck to my guns?

Has he said why he isn’t happy?

Presume he holds the fort Monday and Tuesdays? Maybe he thinks you’re off enjoying yourself while he’s stuck at home. Although teenagers aren’t exactly demanding like toddlers.

But overall no, stick to what works if you like it. More money and a day off in the week makes sense anyway

Yeah I'd stick with your current role. I work full time condensed over 4 days and I would hate to move to a role working 5 days a week!

The current set-up sounds good and more money - I would stick with that since you are only away two nights a week.

You can't honestly believe this is ok for the rest of your family. They get to see you 4/7 and you get a lovely jolly day off on Fridays. Your DH is virtually soloing exams and teen angst during the week. Don't you want to see your family more?

I would query why your DH is unhappy with the current set up.

Do your kids have any opinion?

Have you also had a chat with DH about how the pay cut might impact your family?

What do you tend to do on your Friday off?

That’s not the case though, the kids are self sufficient- he cooks dinner but he’s out at the gym himself both nights etc. I just think that the current set up works. My ‘jolly’ Friday is usually spent cleaning, washing and ironing so that we get free weekends. Don’t forget I do work the Friday hours across the other 4 days

I wanted to say YABU but if you work late to then spend the time on housework on Fridays, that I think equals it and more. Would DH be willing to then spend his weekends on housework, if you no longer have that time?

Not sure but I don’t want that either. I’m also questioning what We’d be doing on Monday and Tuesday nights as he currently goes to the gym on both of those nights

He’s also linking it sex as he reckons that we’re not able to do it often enough at the moment!

I think given the age of your kids, your condensed hours and contribution to chores on a Friday that this is your choice to make. I wouldn’t do a job that I didn’t like as much, 5 days a week and for 10k less.

Does he plan to get a higher paying job to compensate for the loss of income @Poppyflowery ? Or is he going to do all the housework that you normally do on a Friday so you no longer have to?

Your job sounds ideal to me, it's not like he is solo parenting toddlers and gets no down time on the two nights you aren't home. I'd stay with a job I liked and worked for my family rather than change for a drop in salary and the chance I might hate the new job.

ETA just saw the sex update. Nope, stay where you are.

Keep the job and set up you love, he's being a brat. It's not like you have young children and it's only two nights.

i do have a nagging concern that he might have been up to no good. He’s cheated once before about 10 years ago and that this is all performative with him pretending to want me home, knowing that I’m not going to do it.

Whether or not it's performative, especially if you think he may have cheated again, you don't want to change your job/working pattern so definitely don't.

Doesn’t fully align with the idea of wanting you home more, but don’t ignore those spidey senses.

Could all be part of an upcoming script where you get the blame for neglecting him and not understanding his needs….

I wonder if it’s a case of him telling me he wants me home more knowing that it won’t actually happen. It creates a narrative that makes infidelity seem unlikely however that could he his intention, perhaps im overthinking it

Seriously? Most parents of teens of that age can go for days without seeing them. Loads of parents travel for work and at that age it really isn’t a problem.

Unless the other partner has a specific reason there is an issue (and wanting more sex is not a good one) OP can do what suits her.

At 16 & 18 the kids will be flying the coop before too long. Leaving OP stuck in a 9-5 she doesn’t enjoy, for less money. How much longer does she need to sacrifice her life for her family.

Friday is usually spent cleaning, washing and ironing so that we get free weekends

Why? If you are earning 100k, then surely you can afford a cleaner? Does DH work?

Also - if you think he is playing mind games with you then is your marriage working?

We did have a cleaner but she retired and we didn’t get round to sorting a new one,

How much sex is he ‘missing out on’ over these 2 days a week? Do you have sex 5x a week and he wants it every day?

Does he realise how far from the norm this is?

Its doesn’t seem fair that you are spending Friday ironing etc. I hope you aren’t ironing an adult man’s or older teenagers clothes!

If something is working for you why change it.
I'd have thought your DH would appreciate you more for the days your'e home but some men are never pleased!

So his sex drive is pretty insane. We typically have sex 3 times a week. He’d do it daily if he had the option!

Bloody hell OP keep your current set up I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t!

Surely you haven't just been offered a job out of the blue? Assuming you applied and knew the working set up before hand?

I’ve been head hunted by my old boss.