I really worry about coping in old age/serious illness and this morning I only went and cried on new BF!

[Vallies]

DH was seriously ill for nearly 2 years before he died. During that time he became completely dependent on me for everything. We had carers 4 times a day, but without me I guess he'd have been in a home. I was changing my DH's nappy and administering injections. Trauma is an over used word but I do think that's what it was for me.

But, bigger than that was the full time job that was advocating for him. Some of the treatment of a completely helpless man was appalling and if he hadn't had me badgering asking for e.g. pain relief I honestly think he'd have been left in pain, in his own waste and without a drink for hours, let alone getting aplropriate treatment. I saw other patients experiencing that and it was heartbreaking.

My eldest DC had just moved 300 miles away to be with his GF. I'm very happy for him and it's a good move for him, but it's unlikely he'll be much support. I have one other son but wouldn't ask him to change anything about his life to support me either.

I can pay for care, but it's the advocating part that frightens me....and this morning I cried on BF about having no one to care for me if I end up like DH! Poor thing.

Sorry you have had such a rough time op. I worry about the same thing as I have no children and few friends. I hope there will be someone there to advocate for us both. I joined a church and got involved with the community there which helped me feel like some people had my back. I don't know if that would be helpful for you or not (im not religious but that doesnt matter to them)

I am involved with quite a few groups and have friends who might be around for me (although when DH got sick the old adage about finding out who your friends are in hard times was very true), but what I have seen in my parents, as they've got older and less able, is that you're soon forgotten when you stop going to the groups. 😪

I had the same with late DH for three and a half years. I still have an ongoing complaint with the hospital from before he was discharged home to die. Yes, it's having an advocate in years to come which is important. I've no children but would hope my sister would step up if needed.