Feeling overwhelmed and abandoned. I'm not sure how much more I can take

[Hitawall]

Hi,

Honestly, I don't know who or where to turn to. I'm absolutely mentally and emotionally exhausted. I feel like it's all falling apart and I've tried so much.

I've always struggled with anxiety and occasional depressive episodes, but it's worse than ever and I feel like I've lost or am losing everyone.

My dd with mild, undiagnosed SN is going to uni in a week, which is definitely my biggest trigger right now as I'm so worried about her and that she's not ready, but also just the overwhelming sadness of her leaving and having an empty nest in my early 40's.

I feel completely abandoned by friends too. It always seems to be so one sided and I don't understand why. I'm not perfect by any means, but I genuinely believe I'm a good friend. I'm loyal, I'm always there, but it just isn't reciprocated, with anyone anymore. Even my sister, who I've always been close to rarely bothers with me now. I noticed it was always me arranging meet ups, so I stopped to see if she would make the effort and she hasn't and she does know I struggle with my mental health.

At the risk of sounding massively sorry for myself, I genuinely do feel really let down and abandoned. Even by professionals. That's a long story, but basically it's been a bit of a shit show.

I sobbed and sobbed in bed last night, which isn't that unusual these days, as it all just felt too much, but I've not felt that kind emotional pain for a long time. Maybe ever. My partner did hug me but asked me to stop as they had a migraine and a busy day at work. I do understand that this can effect everyone and this is my main reason for getting help, but it really did just cement that feeling of being completely useless and a burden.

I don't feel like anyone really wants me around. I know my family love me, but that's not quite the same.

I guess I'm posting because I need help. I've tried so much to get the help, but it never seems to work.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I just wanted to show solidarity in that I've suffered for decades with poor mental health too, and that someone is listening. I hear you about how the 'professionals' can be worse than bloody useless (!).
Just try and get through one moment at a time. Try some deep breathing. Maybe write out on a piece of paper all your worries. Everything doesn't have to be sorted oout now. I know it feels like it, like if I don't fix this and this I won't feel better, but dealing with things with a clearer head is always better. You can see persectives you didn't before in amost the panic and pain. Heck, even try typing out all your worries to ChatGPT (Is that right? I only have Google Gemini.)!
You are important and do matter. I also know what it's like to feel abandoned by other people in your life but I'm coming to the conclusion that some people just don't have the ability to think of others in that way. They have their own lives going on and don't ignore you purposely, they just don't have it in their head to go out of their way to reach out to someone else. A bit, 'I'm alright Jack,' It has nothing to do with you or your worth. 💕

@Openmouthinsertfood thank you for replying and I'm sorry that you can relate. It's a lonely place to be. How are things for you now?

I know what you're saying about people not doing it purposefully and generally I can tell myself this and accept it, but sometimes I just feel really shit and hurt.

When we feel down about something, for some reason everything else that we have ever felt sad about piles on top of it.

Just go with your emotions, you will adjust to your child being away at uni., I promise!

Hi, still ongoing I'm afriad, but I did start with bad mental health at 4 years old (Nature/nuture?). Still here though in my early 50's!
I understand you feeling hurt. I messaged my sister in law this morning and she hasn't replied dispite being online many times. I haven't heard from my brother in over a week. I just have to think they are so wrapped up in their own lives that it doesn't occur to them how important that interaction is with me. They are 'healthy' of mind so don't get it. They are out every day and get that healthy interaction with others, it doesn't occur to them that things might be different for others. Honestly, it's not you, people are just very 'I'm ok,' so they don't even think there is an alternative.
Athough I can't go out (Agoraphobic.) I find taking myself away from where I'm rumminating does help. Like if I'm in bed and am having all the bad thoughts there, although it is very hard, I try and get up and do something else-wash up in another room, put my headphones on and listen to some upbeat music, do a bit of execise/movement. You'll be surprise at how much it does lift you out of it, even if it's just for a ten minute breather.