I don't care.

[Greebosmum]

I am Granny to 5. All my children work full time. Consequently the summer holidays are a bit miserable for me as it's non stop child care. I am fed up.with people who have neither children or grand children telling me my girls are doing it wrong and I shouldn't have to do so much child care. Well maybe I shouldn't but the fact is, the girls have to work. They do book activities for the children but timings aren't always compatible with working hours. If you don't have children/grand children you don't know what you're talking about. You moaning at me doesn't help.

They're allowed to have their opinion and you're allowed yours.

In my opinion, whether you agree with it or not, is that the choices of your children shouldn't make you miserable. Some childcare is great and the right thing to do but when it tips over into miserable and you hate it then it's no longer fair on you.

Are you telling these people it's miserable for you in the holidays? If so it's a reasonable response from them to point out that you don't have to do it.

Stop moaning that the holidays are miserable to these people then? It sounds like they are on your side though thinking you shouldn’t have to do so much, it is a choice after all.

They have the option of paid childcare. You have the option of saying no.

I can't think of anything more wonderful than being surrounded by 5 grandchildren at some point later in my life! I imagine it is tiring but what a lovely position to be in.

It's no-one else's business what you choose to do. Perhaps they envy you.

Just smile and say 'oh, but I love it.'

The other grandparents?
The children have mums and dads.
Even if you work you get holiday.

Schools are only off from end July you can have June, most of July and September to enjoy without children.

Up to you being a childcare martyr is your choice.

Just to clarify. It's not the children/grandchildren that make me miserable, it's the fact I have to get up at what is a reasonable time if you are young, work and have children. I am not an early bird and am awful.since I retired so I'm like a zombie all day so can't enjoy it as much as I should.

I don't think I moan. If I just mention that I am.at one of my daughters houses the torrent of 'you shouldn't be doing that' starts. Just leave me alone.

But what people are saying is that no one has you at gunpoint. You are choosing this. If it’s not working for you, make a different choice.

I don't understand the point of this thread. Its obviously going to lead to people saying do less if you're miserable which you clearly dont want to hear.

But you seem to be moaning!

You must have grumbled at some point for your friend group to agree it is miserable for you to have to schlep to any one of your children every morning to wrangle a kid or two through the summer hols.

As pp says, just say oh but I love it.

Obviously it’s lovely you want to support your children, but it is optional and you don’t need to make yourself a martyr in the process. Plenty of parents work full time, use paid childcare to cover the holidays and flex their hours accordingly to manage drop offs/pick ups. Not everyone has a village.

If you are like a 'zombie' all day looking after young children every day, it is not really surprising people are concerned for you...

Maybe reframe it as conscious concern for your well being, and be sure to tell them how much you love your days with the children.

I suspect you are indeed moaning about being tired.

Just say no

So tell the people making these comments to stop making them. Its no good telling MN.

Other people do manage the holidays without grandparents to help though. Holiday clubs exist which are specifically designed to fit around most jobs. Childminders can be hired to pick up kids from these holiday clubs for parents with atypical working hours. So if your children are telling you 'activities' don't fit around their jobs they are not telling you the truth. As your children must all live near you, they would appear to also have the option of clubbing together to afford a nanny.

Your children do seem like they are taking advantage of your lack of knowledge of how an entire industry has grown up, since you had children, to deal with school holidays for families with two working parents. Your kids are just trying to save themselves money at your expense.

Ok?
I do have children. Though I stuck to two for that very reason, because I want to enjoy my retirement.
Stop sharing so much with your friends. It sounds a miserable life, but it's your life.

No to what?

Why are you telling us instead of these people?

It sounds like the people telling you this are more concerned for your wellbeing than your children are. If you want to martyr yourself into being a zombie that’s a choice, I hope your children are extremely grateful, and if you don’t want other people to comment on it I wouldn’t share any of it with them.

Yeah. You're right. Time to get a grip.

You say your children have to work but so do people who's parents live abroad, are too disabled or dead to help or simply unwilling to do so.
They could choose paid childcare for at least some of it. That way you wouldn't be so miserable.

this. If you are actually happy tell your friends to shut up. If you are not happy tell your kids to get sorted.

I know you haven't asked for solutions, but I'm interested to know what both parents of your grandkids are using their annual leave for, if not school holidays? It doesn't really seem fair that you're miserable all summer holidays if they have annual leave they can take between them. I'd understand you helping out maybe a day a week, but every day is a lot for them to ask if they have annual leave. Sorry, I know your post wasn't specifically about that, but it stood out to me.

I wasn't going to say anything else as I was really just fed up when I posted and was responding to my friend who hasn't had a boy (or girl) friend for at least 30 years and despite being asked not to is always telling me what I should do.

However, there are a lot of assumptions being made. My eldest daughter is single and the lunatic who fathered her children cleared off. Hde pays nothing, seems an expert at evading the CMS and hasn't seen his children for 5 years. She has taken 2 weeks leave this summer, one week I went on a caravan holiday with them so she could have some time off every day.

Daughter number 2 is married. Strangely she wanted a holiday with the children and her husband. She took 2 weeks, he took 2 weeks with a cross over for the middle week so they could go away.

Daughter 4 has another granny who, to be fair, does most of it, for which I am very grateful. However she has a tendency to decide very last minute (ie, half an hour before they get dropped off) that she's changed her mind and isn't going to do it.

I am also making the wild assumption that you live somewhere with plentiful childcare, not the back end of beyond with 2 childminders in the village and plentiful arrangements for holiday care.

Anyway, lovely husband rescued me and have now had a nap. Last day tomorrow as the ones we would be having next week's Mum has taken time off.

Thanks all for your thoughts.

Don't do it then. I didn't. 🤷‍♀️

Their children - theirs to sort out with childcare.