How long are unaccompanied playdates for Reception and Year 1 children?

[Icecreamandcoffee]

Eldest DD is 5 (will be 6 next year). We are just entering the drop and go unaccompanied playdate age. My question is how long are usual unaccompanied playdates?

Until this summer all playdates with school or friends or mum friends have been accompanied. We've either met at soft play/ play cafe/ park/ NT ect or in the case where I am friends with the mum it's been at someone's house.

DD has done a couple of unaccompanied playdates with a couple of my mum friends when I've needed an hour or so to pack/ gp appointments ect but nothing regular. She also did a drop and go party at someone's house for 90 mins (the mum insisted on drop and go due to having a small house).

My question is usually school friend accompanied playdates are around 90mins to 3 hours ish depending on what we are doing. If out with my mum friends they can be all day. When someone (school friend) comes to your house unaccompanied, how long is normal?

One of DDs school friends came for a playdate for the whole day (9-4) dad dropped off and mum collected at 4, both were at work, but that feels more like childcare than playdate and the girls were fed up of each other/ bickering by 2pm. She hasn't been back since (mum has asked a few times since if her DD can come play again but I have declined claiming we are busy) as it was a very tricky playdate as it went on so long.

Other school friend's have come to play and we only did around 2 and a half to 3 hours usually because people were busy and it was much better. They played nicely and had plenty of time but not so much that they started bickering.

I personally would say 10-2 or 11-2 or 1-4 unless it's pre-arranged upfront childcare swap but not sure if I'm unusual and extra cautious about inadvertently becoming free holiday childcare (Currently on MAT leave and when working is term time only).

As long as you or they feel comfortable.

I think 2-3 hours. 9am-4pm is definitely just using you as childcare!

I agree that around 3 hours is enough. And the chold care thing would not be ok with me, apart from a few hours agreed with a friend. I was also quite strict with only allowing unaccompanied playdates were I knew the mums quite well. I definitely think it's ok to say no if you are uncomfortable, especially if you don't know the parents well.

I’d say 2-3 hours because thats usual
length of time for after school play date.

I prefer ones that go over a mealtime because it adds some structure and a break and they are often happier when full!

A playdate is more like 2-3 hours. 9-4 is super cheeky unless it's agreed specifically for childcare. Have they had your DD for a day before they ask you again?! (Also surely you wait to be invited to a playdate, not invite yourself?!)

We prefer 2 hours for after school, because they need time to get home for the bedtime routine and reading, music practice etc. Weekends and school holidays I prefer 3-4 hours as it gives enough time to get into certain games, have a meal, pop out somewhere local.

It depends on the child. Someone we don’t know well it’s usually a couple of hours. For my children’s best friends who live very close we always did as long as they were playing nicely but we know the kids well enough to send them home when needed or ask parents to come and get them.

We have done half days as pre-agreed childcare before (reciprocated) but not till 6 years old. So 3-4h. I have once tried to host a longer drop off playdate which didn't go well, like your experience op.

(However I think I am on the independent-child end of the parenting spectrum because I also let my 6yo go into female public toilets by herself while I wait round the corner with her baby brother. I read on a recent thread that most mumsnetters go in with their kids until significantly older)

I did think 9-4 was particularly long and I would not have agreed to it had I known it would be so long. It was originally going to be a 10.30-2 playdate. It was very much dropped on me the night before when DD knew friend was coming and was excited. I got a text saying, "Susie" is looking forward to tomorrow, she's at her dad's tonight so he's dropping off and I'll collect. Then one a bit later that night saying spoke to "Susie's" dad, he will drop off at 9. Then another one and hour later, just looked at my calendar and realised I'm working till 3, will collect at 4.

When I spoke to the dad at drop off he very much gave the impression that it was fully agreed and organised in advance that he would drop off at 9 so he could go to work and didn't have to use any AL this holiday other than the 2 weeks he had booked off to go on holiday with his new wife and step children.

I only questioned myself as I've seen "Susie" on playdates with a few others in the class this holiday whilst we have been out and about locally (we have an excellent park and library with lovely shaded garden with play equipment) and DD has gone to play with "Susie" and whoever's house she is at and I've often chatted to the mums and it always seems she is on playdates from around 9am until around 4.

@BendingSpoons nope no reciprocated playdate hence why we have been "busy".

Anyone else feeling sorry for “Susie” passed around between parents and then other houses all holidays?

I try to keep them to 2 hours ( though DD is ND and needs plenty of downtime after). Maybe a little longer if it’s over a meal time.

It's cheeky in terms of the unreciprocated-ness but how is it worse for Susie than being at a club from 9-3 regularly, like many children are?

If it's reciprocated then I think it's a great way for a kid to spend the summer

Of course it’s worse dropping the child on someone who didn’t agree do to a full day’s free childcare!

I feel sorry for her too.

She came to me a couple of weeks ago so midway through the holidays and she had already had quite a few playdates at other people's houses - she was telling us all about them. Which spurred DD on to ask for playdates with school friends, until then she was quite content with playing with sibling, cousins, mum friend's children, grandparents and me and DH. We had a couple of dates in the diary to see a couple of her "best" school friends but Susie is a new friendship DD formed in the summer term.

I don't mind hosting a play date, it's nice for DD to have a friend her age to play with and usually they go smoothly and are pretty easy days, although usually they only last a couple of hours or 3 hours including a lunch/ snack time depending on the time. Usually because we are busy and I have an older baby who needs to nap so I dictate timings. I however don't want to be considered free childcare for parents who it appears have both refused to organise holiday childcare and seem to be making their way through the class for playdates to avoid paying for any.

It is a playdate if the primary reason for them coming round is to play with your dc for a couple of hours. It isn't a playdate if the primary reason for them coming round is because their parents are at work all day.

You're much nicer than me - I would have said no to those timings (even the night before) unless we had a reciprocal agreement in place. I usually do 2-3 hours for a drop off playdate at that age, but have done full days when I've agreed swaps in advance.