Being a good houseguest?

[Mattsmum2]

This is probably a strange question. Im staying with my partner for a long weekend soon at some friends. They’ve moved recently to the south coast. They used to live very near to my dad so whenever I visited him, about 2 hours away, I made sure I visited my friends. When I stayed with my dad it was my childhood home, I felt comfortable and had everything I needed, he cooked or we went out, I slept in my old bedroom. Fast forward and now my dad has passed away. There’s nothing for me to travel to see and now I find I am going to stay in someone’s house for the weekend, also with our dog. My question is what do I do? Do I take a gift, do I take food to eat, do I take towels? Im nervous that I want us to be good house guests, but when I think about it I’ve never stayed at anyone else’s house, only my childhood home. Trying not to panic.

You're taking your dog? And you're worried about towels? 😳

Definitely check they're happy with the dog. Yes, take a gift (wine, chocolates, flowers, a plant perhaps) Probably don't need to take towels. But if they're good friends I would just ask them these questions.

Sorry about your Dad, OP.

It’s natural to be a bit unsure of the protocol or something you’ve never done.

sounds like you have nice friends if they’ve invited you to stay.

my advice:

take an appropriate gift - wine, chocolates, a plant, or all.

offer to wash up/buy a takeaway.

ask if you need to bring towels - answer likely to be no but no harm in checking.

ask what else they need you to bring for your dog - his bed, blanket, bowl, etc

I usually message friends/family and say something like "would you like us to bring towels to save you the washing?" For a two night stay I would take some alcohol and maybe something else like chocolates or flowers. If you know them well enough to know their tastes then something more personal like local honey or something might be appreciated. If you are good guests don't turn up with one cheap bottle of wine then proceed to drink them out of house and home! Also, if this is something where you will only ever go to them rather than vice versa in future you should pay for a takeaway each time or take them out for a meal.

Ask what you can bring. If they say "oh don't worry, just bring yourselves" do not do that. Take a combo of flowers, wine (assuming they drink alcohol) and chocolate/ nice fruit or savoury snacks at a push. Do not take random contributions to meals unless asked. Only take the dog if they asked you to/ offered. If you take the dog and they don't have a dog, don't let it on the furniture/ beg at the table etc. Offer to help with meal prep and clearing up but don't go overboard.

Ask if you should strip the beds- don't assume. I usually take towels if driving to save the host the laundry. If there's anything skanky in the bin like condoms or sanpro, empty discretely.

Im 61. All my friends have been around my childhood area until now. .

Yes they know. They also have a dog.

Thank you. They are very good friends, I’ve known for nearly 40 years. I will take for the dog what I would normally do for a trip away.

Thank you. Yes they would not be able to stay with us ad they have an elderly dog and we only have one bedroom. Great idea about the meal or takeaway.

Take towels if you can (ie if you’re going by car), I hate having to wash towels that have barely been used. Wine/ chocolates/ flowers as a gift for the hosts and offer to help with meal prep / washing up.

Take gifts, wine, chocolates, flowers.
Depending on how long you're staying, offer to pay for at least one meal out.
You'll be fine because the mere fact that you're thinking about it means you are already a considerate guest.

Years ago I used to stay with a childhood friend quite often. I always asked up front if she wanted me to bring anything and took a good bottle of wine. My friend was a gourmet cook and loved to show off her skill. I always washed up. On the sunday we always went to an antique fair as a well known hotel and I treated her to lunch. I would always say up front what time I expected to arrive and mention which train I was getting home in case she had other plans.

I wouldn’t expect house guests to bring towels but it’s a nice idea to offer as it saves them some washing.

It’s always nice to take a gift I think, what you take depends on you and your friend - if she’s a great cook she might not want you to bring anything food wise so a nice bunch of flowers/some wine usually goes down well.

My friend was saying today her brother always stops at a lovely farm shop and brings some goodies when he comes to stay, which she appreciates (He brings things like sausage rolls/cakes/chutney/cheeses, depending where he stops en route)

I think the main thing is just to be considerate. Tidy up after yourself, offer to take them for a meal/buy a takeaway.

My friends bring their dog, I love the dog it’s fine. But dog towels. Food and water bowls, food, dog bed, and poop bag,

for the hosts bring a gift, chocolate, flowers, or a candle

if you drink bring wine as a gift for the host and whatever you will drink

ask if there is anything you should bring, as well, likely they will say no.. don’t strip the bed without asking them. Don’t linger in bed too long in the morning, don’t hog th4 bathroom, help tidy up and take your cue from them on when to call it a night.

I would be a bit offended if people turned up with their own towels!

OP I’d message and ask if there’s anything you can bring. They’ll almost certainly say no.

I’d take alcohol. If they don’t drink much then just a bottle of white wine token gesture, along with either a big box of chocolates or a cake. If nights in are going to be having quite a few drinks as mine would be then I’d take alcohol for yourself, and a bottle of what each of them drink (wine/whisky/cans of lager).

So depending on what preferences I’d go with some combination of chocolates, cake, flowers, alcohol, a ready made cheeseboard you can buy in most supermarkets.

If they haven’t made food for you the first night then I’d offer to pay for a takeaway. If they have already made food, then I’d say that you’ll buy the takeaway/dinner the next evening.

Other than that there’s really nothing more to it. I love people visiting and would always just want them to feel at home.

I’d not feel offended if someone brought their own towels I would however find it very very odd.

I host a lot, a lot a lot. But also stay with friends often. And I always go laden

i bring more booze than I will drink and leave behind anything undrunk obvs.

i always take a thank you gift, flowers, chocolate or a nice candle as said , depending on what I know the female likes.

i offer to strip the bed when I leave, never had anyone say yes, but I offer.

i hang the towels to dry after use, but when I leave I fold them neatly, and always make the bed, and ensure everything I’ve used is tidy, shut any windows if I opened them, so leave it as I found it,

as for the dog, as said I love my friends dog, but I do get irritated if she forgets dog towels and I have to get one for her paws. So op always clean the dogs paws when she comes in to avoid dragging dirt in.

use poop bags and dispose of them appropriately.

in the morning I always offer to make coffees, I don’t sit and wait to get served, and I always offer to help with the cooking, be if chopping onions, setting the table, carrying food through, and I always get off my arse and help clear, load the dishwasher etc,

I pour my own drinks, it could be just our social circle, but again I don’t sit expecting to be waited on, but as said, I always bring way more than i consume, including soft drinks.

I don’t keep my friends up, if they look like they are getting tired I go to bed, I tidy up anything I’ve used before I go, make sure shoes and jacket etc are not laying around.

i don’t lay in bed making them wait for me in the morning, but get up about half an hour after I hear stirrings, so they have some time to potter undisturbed and then offer them a coffee when I do.

i am quiet in the morning if they aren’t up,in my own house for example I will quietly potter round and also put the news on the tv but mute and with subtitles.

overall just be considerate, don’t go expecting to be waited on hand and foot, that’s just a burden, always offer to help, and don’t go with your hand out, expecting to be fed and watered without contribution.

@Nailapp I would think it very odd. If you invite someone to stay, you expect washing. A few towels and the bed clothes is not much and it’s what you expect. I’ve had many friends stay and no one has ever brought towels! We have a pool and they don’t bring pool towels either!

I think wine (if they drink) and flowers are normal gifts. Chocolates for after dinner coffee maybe? Or something from your area - cookies, artisan jam or pickles or chocolates usually go down well. We have a local chocolaterie.

Our dog was invited to a friends once. They had 2 dogs that slept in 2 cages in the kitchen. Ours didn’t have a cage. Theirs were put in the cages during meal times too. The husband didn’t like our dog being loose at mealtimes but he just lay down under the table (small dog and he didn’t beg or misbehave) but the DH was not happy so tried to remove him by grabbing his collar. Was not great really - not sure where our dog was supposed to go as it was open plan. Anyway it was a disaster and neither us nor the dog had a good time and we left early. So just ask about house rules and your dog. How will it fit in at meals and sleeping? Our dog was well behaved but we found he got a bit clingy in a new situation, hence sitting under the table.

I agree that you should ask about breakfast and plans for the day. Don’t be late up. Don’t spring dietary requirements on them and don’t get drunk. Not that you will but ill guests are a nightmare.

Only take alcohol if they are big drinkers.
I prefer guests to bring some eggs or vegies from their garden or home made biscuits or jam.
Be mindful. Help out, don't get up too early nor to use heaters all night. Enjoy their food, buy a meal out or a take away. Bring any specialised dietary requirements that you can not live without. Bring a cage for puppy and your bathroom kit and ask when it's best to take a shower (if there is only one bathroom).
Be prepared to play cards, watch a film and to take lovely walks with the dogs.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner if you have a pool you are clearly at the wealthier end of the MN spectrum. Sadly, for some people adding the cost of washing and drying towels is just another cost added to hosting people which they may not want. Also, more environmentally friendly not to wash towels after just a couple of uses ( even though a lot of people on here seem to think towels are single use items!) If you offer and the hosts say no, then that's all good for both sides.