Handling no contact for DD with dad after new life planned

[springvegetables]

I’m not sure I’m putting this in the right place but I need some advice.

DD14 is currently on holiday with her dad, his new wife and her 2 children. They are in the same area that all except my DD are
moving to in June.

This move was sprung on us in January. We were told they will be moving once the oldest child has done her GCSEs.

My DDs dad hasn’t been the best dad but she has a brilliant relationship with my DH who has been in her life since she was a few months old, so she does have a good male
role model in her life.

She has previously told me she doesn’t mind her dad moving, she doesn’t enjoy going to his every other weekend and tbh wanted to stop going as much but still felt like she was being pushed out. While away (Cyprus) her dad, wife and children left her in the hotel room alone for 5 hours while they got all their paperwork sorted for when they move). She was so upset she was left alone (he wouldn’t allow her to take her phone so she also had no contact with anyone). She also heard her dad tell her uncle who has already moved there that he’s now moving in February and not June. He hadn’t spoken to her or me about this at all but felt no need to speak with his own DD and let her know before announcing this in front of her. Thankfully she is home on Thursday but she’s so upset right now. The youngest of the wife’s children has also been bullying her and she’s absolutely
had enough.

DD has asked me not to say anything until she’s home but i just don’t know what to say to him when she’s home. She has already said she wants nothing more to do with him, which I support. I also aware that the work he’s going to be doing when he’s over there is all cash in hand and we have a private agreement with regards to child maintenance.

i need some clarity on how to handle
this situation. He has been verbally aggressive previously Can anyone help me?

I wouldn’t raise it with him. It will just make you more angry and he will use it as an excuse to stop CM. Unless you think raising it will change is behaviour in a positive way?

You can’t sugarcoat him abandoning his daughter. If she wants to cut back on contact now, do you even need to say anything? What is the worst thing he could do? He is leaving. He can’t exactly take you to court.

At 14 surely she is old enough to make many of her own decisions, and even if it did go to court, her opinion would be taken into account.

They are moving to Cyprus? Did I understand that correctly? Why should DD want to do that only to be ignored by him and bullied by one of his stepchildren?

Let her step back from having contact with her dad. He sounds like an arse and she clearly doesn't want to see him anything like as much as she has been doing.

If she wants the contact to fizzle out/stop then let that happen. She'd probably be much happier and more comfortable as she'll feel more in control. If he starts to ask why then tell him.

As per PPs, it's not immediately obvious to me why you need to say anything to your DD's dad.

I don’t think you need to do anything. Your dd is feeling blindsided and the holiday isn’t going well for her. She is annoyed at her Dad and that is probably instrumental to her saying that she doesn’t want to see him any more. You should be aware that this is a reaction based on her current emotions and her stance on this is likely to evolve over time. You just need to be a sounding board for your daughter, put her needs first and to give her space to share her feelings.