Contact with my biological father.

[Username1357924680444]

Has anyone who hasn't grown up with their biological father actually managed to integrate into his new family? A bit of background my parents split when I was 6 months old and my step dad stepped into the roll of my dad soon after. We are very close you wouldn't know im not his biological child. My bio father wasn't very involved apart from some sporadic visits, i don't totally blame him and now im and adult I can see that parental alienation was a barrier, my mother didn't want us to have a relationship she wanted it to just be her, my step dad, myself and my half sibling. My bio dad is married (for 30 years) and has 3 children. I've had contact with all of them for around 5 months now. I know it's early days really but im wondering if I'll ever feel like I belong there to? They are all really lovely but im still an outsider.

i would advise taking it slowly and finding out exactly what your father wants from the contact. be prepared for things not to be as you want due to your father not wanting contact for all that time. you have not known them long so its early days

Does your father want to integrate you into his family? Hopefully he does… How do your siblings feel from his side.

It might be an idea to write down how/what you want from your Dad and his family and ask them to do the same, and see if it matches or if there is some overlap, that’s a good place to start.

I know you say your father faced parental alienation from your mother, but really if he wanted to he could have been involved in your life, 30 - 40 years ago the the family courts as we know it now was called the “family division” of the courts and he could have taken action to see you and spend time with you.

’The courts’ worked nothing like they did today 30-40 years ago. He wouldn’t have stood a chance

You won’t ever ‘fit in’ exactly the same as people who have known each other 30 years and grown up together.
You might be able to build new bonds though. I’d focus on building a strong connection with your Dad and letting the half siblings and their mum go at their own pace.

No. 31 years ago me and my 3 siblings stood before a judge and all said we wanted to live with our father who was seeking full custody of us. My brother still had his head bandaged from a fractured eye socket after my lovely mum shoved him over in the bath. My mum was awarded full custody and my dad one day a fortnight. We were aged between 6 and 12. My mother moved away shortly after and refused my dad contact. He never stopped trying to get us back. My siblings all eventually went to live with him as soon as they turned 16, and me when I was 12 (I was the youngest) as I refused to go home every night after school and the police had to find me and bring me home, until child protection got involved and allowed me to move to my dads. Men did NOT have the same rights then. Also parental alienation means that the op was made unlikely to WANT to see her father