Hi,
I am thinking of ending my marriage. We have been married for 3 years, together 7, with 1 shared DS(4) and step DD (12). SDD came to live with us FT six months ago, and it just isn't working. She has a lot of trauma, SEND and other issues (mum is off the scene due to a horrible incident), and while I am prepared to do what it takes, my DH just cannot or will not get on board with the changes that need to happen. It is like taking on a traumatised foster child — she needs additional structure, care, boundaries and so on, and he is not stepping up. He has always been a bit disney dad with her, and now it is even worse. I think there is a lot of guilt over what has happened in her mum's care. But he doesn't seem to see that this is the opposite of what she needs. I don't even know where to start, but he is unable to do any of the basics, like get her into school, setting up with dentist, GP etc etc, it all falls on me. He doesn't enforce bedtimes or the routines we have with our younger child, so her behaviour is appalling. He changes rules or gives in at the last moment when we have set a boundary. I am constantly stressed and frustrated and hate how I am for my own child. I want to be happy and present in my life and family. I am working FT and doing most everything else (he also works, but does nothing else much). In many ways, my DH is a good man, and he does not want to end the marriage. I can't carry on, and ultimatums fell on deaf ears so ...I need advice. How do I actually end the marriage? Financially, I'll be fine. House is shared but he can't afford it alone (whereas I can)...practically I will be fine. But how do I tell him? What about the kids? What are the steps I need to take to get out of this because I am going to die of a heart attack if I have to continue living this way.