DP was party to a conversation where awful language was used to describe a woman.

[Spooll]

He was out with some mutual friends at the weekend. All men on this occasion, which is unususal, we're usually out as a mixed group, but I was away and the other women didn't want to do the thing they'd gone to.

Honestly, men are far worse gossips than women and DP loves to tell me all the juciy bits.

There is another womab we all know, never part of our group, but has tried to stir up trouble for some of us, as individuals. Me included. I have no time for her, when I think about how she's treated me I can get quite upset but mostly try not to give it headspace, and I don't talk about it except with a couple of very close friends because experience tells me that allegiances change and these remarks can get spread about.

Anyway, several in tbe group really dislike her and it sounds like a fair amount of time was given to discussing some of the things she's done with the vitriol and name calling getting worse as the evening went on.

DP told me thinking I'd be reassured to hear it wasn't just me who finds her difficult to like, but actually, I find I don't like to hear about a group of men discussing any woman like that.

Tbf she has done some really nasty things, things that mean I'm in no mind to forgive and forget, but I take a more lie and let live view, I just don't want to be around her and stay away.

Is it right/wrong that this has affected the way I feel about some of these men, even though I probably agree with the sentiment?

What has she been doing, and what did the men say about her?

She can generally be really rude and her own language is horrible, but to me specifically, she has engineered a situation wehre I was excluded from a longstanding invitation with friends, and she undermined a charity event some of this group were organising by organising something else on the same date for many of the attendees . That backfired because most did come to the charity event but she made no secret of the fact that she was doing it specifically to reduce numbers at their event.

Lots of small nastiness. I actually think she's probably ND, but that doesn't really help.

The men were discussing the things she's done, but using words like bitch and cunt, which I don't like to hear men using about any woman. Tbf they wouldn't have chosen those words if I'd been there, but I'm not sure that makes it OK.

If I felt the descriptions were accurate, I wouldn’t have any particular issue with it being said by men about a woman. Eg if I felt that this woman was a bitch, I personally wouldn’t object to a man referring to her as one.

Cunt I’m aware is a more contentious word. It’s not one I have an issue with but appreciate other people do.

If the person they were describing as a bitch and a cunt had been a man instead of a woman, would your view be different?

I'd be pleased they were of the same opinion..any future dealings sounds like your back would be covered...
It ain't just women that like a good bitch!

Maybe that's the thing. They wouldn't have used that language about a man?

So in your mind someone can behave awfully and do horrible things to people, but if they are female, men can not criticise them in a derogatory way without being in the wrong?

I disagree with that. Women are not so delicate that men can’t talk negatively about them in their absence, even when it is well deserved.

Cunt is unisex. Probably would go with dickhead for guy.
Doesn't sound like they were far off true so wouldn't have an issue with that language. Like I wouldn't have an issue with anyone swearing about person acting like that

How do you know that?

Some of us women say worse things about men, we are just as bad.

Ive heard men say men are cuxts and the rest.

I don't like it being used in that way, it still feels like a misogynistic insult even if it used against men because the implication is that it's the worst thing you can think of to call someone. I know some very potty mouthed people who use it in a much more frequent, almost affectionate way (calling their mate a daft cunt) and that actually sounds less unpleasant than when it's used in that very vitriolic way.

But my favourite answer to someone horrible being called a cunt is that that they "lack the warmth and depth". Which sort of makes the point I would prefer to make about the word without it just sounding like pearl clutching.

Interesting I expected to be told I needed new friends...so good news