Surprised by the judgemental tone here and hoping for more solidarity

[Newonhere]

I recently googled ‘does Per Una clothing come up small?’ and it led me to mumsnet.com for the first time. Now from that one sentence I’m sure you will have already realised I’m getting on in my years and it’s been a while that my children were toddlers, but I don’t think I’m that out of touch with motherhood, due to Nanny days with my 1 and 3 year old grandkids.
The thread that I followed made me so desperately sad that I felt compelled to write my own chat. All I read were chats with women judging and laughing at other women. Commenting on clothing style and choices of the older generation or work colleagues as if their opinions were superior. Now I’m all for having an opinion and love the idea of free speech and the opportunity to express yourself. But sniping, bitchy and judgmental posts about fellow women, in a world that needs us to stick together, in fact on a forum that I’d have thought was an opportunity for solidarity of fellow mums. Well if you can’t see the sadness in that……? But you’ve probably stopped reading this anyhow.

Yes I probably would say 'nope that looks awful on you' tbh. And make an alternative suggestion.

Don't project what you would do onto other people.

Thank you to everyone who commented and I stand corrected on the point that it is not just mums who post on here. I never run from a debate and I think all opinions are valid, especially those that make me question my own. I firmly stand behind the idea that kindness towards our fellowman is a good start point, not simply because we are women, but because it is better than the alternative.
I also agree that my post was judgmental in response to what I had read, but was heartened to hear that many, can, and have found mn to be a positive experience.
I will continue to visit and post.

That’s great, do keep reading. There are some epic women on here and a broad cross-section of the population, which is why people won’t always agree, but I have learned a lot from being on here.

I believe that some come on here to vent their frustrations on life. Those that seem perennially critical, those that feel hard done by, and those that are just plain nasty.
I will challenge repeated unnecessary nastiness. But I know it’s of little use.
I deal with it by knowing it’s bad for their health being so bitter, and I don’t let them touch mine.

There are some horrid people on s&b. One that comes up regular as clockwork is a hapless poster asking what they should wear to certain high-end restaurants. You can guarantee two posts in will be snide remarks and the inevitable, “Oh, I go there all the time and just wear my oldest jeans and flip-flops” or “That place is soooo ten years ago and is just tourists” or - some years ago I asked what to wear to the Chiltern Firehouse and up popped someone to say that if I had to ask then I shouldn’t be going!!

@Newonhere other than the thread from AIBU in 2008 that popped up when I googled your query, was there a more recent one yoi had in mind?

So you came to post a TAAT (against guidelines potentially) to criticise others? Okay then.

If you want to pull people on their comments then the best way is on the thread itself.

MN isn’t all mothers (or indeed parents) and there are so many boards that some can get harsher than others. The one thing people don’t expect is blind support - it isn’t that sort of site.

I came on MN looking for a paint colour. I stayed because most people are mostly kind and helpful. One thread I am on is like a group of friends meeting for a chat over a cup of tea and if it gets nasty someone always ticks off the offender.

Is the thread you're referring to from 2008? From 18 years ago ?

oh bugger off was 2008 18 years ago!!

its about 5?

Until about 2 months ago Style and Beauty was a very supportive thread, but now not as much. Sorry about your experience, OP.

I agree, maybe even less than 5. I was 28 in 2008 and there's no way I am in my mid 40s now.

Really? I find some lovely and supportive folks on S+B (which is a topic, not a thread).

But the first page of google, if you put in OP's query, pulls up threads from 2008 (AIBU, not S+B, and rather judgey) and 2019 (S+B, not judgey, actually quite keen on Per Una).

So what S+B was like until 2 months ago is not what OP is talking about, AFAI can tell.

It's fake news, I tell ya

There is a bit of a problem with “be kind”, though. Many of us have had that phrase or sentiment weaponised at us, because we were sticking up for ourselves or our rights, so it tends to make the hackles rise. Mumsnet can be robust(!) but it can also be amazing and supportive. Women fleeing domestic violence, parents of sick children, women ostracised for speaking up for women’s rights are just some of the examples of groups who have gained much help here. And please try to avoid misogynistic terms like bitchy.

Yes SheliaFentiman, that was the thread. TBH I didn’t look at the date of the post so went back to check.

Genuine question - when you join a new website, do you always post criticism of the members immediately? And a TAAT from 2008 is breaking guidelines.

Bit odd op, starting a thread as a newbie to hurl abuse at the posters and tell them their behaviour isn’t ok. How is that acceptable?

Don’t forget a TAAT…

That 2008 thread makes me nostalgic for Per Una embroidered cardis. I was in my 30s in 2008 and I wore a lot more Per Una then than now in my 50s.

So after reading one thread on a long established forum, with thousands upon thousands of threads... you decided that the place was full of judgemental wee besoms and that you should post a thread of your own bemoaning this straw(wo)man?

As per a PP... it's a bold strategy, Cotton.

Yep.

I’ve now read the whole 2008 thread (it was only 7 pages so presumably @Newonhere did the same)

Yes, there were judgey AIBU comments. A few were directed at women who wore PU but many at the clothes themselves, which I think is much fairer game - surely we can all say “I don’t like the big cardigans/fringed skirts that X brand sells” without having a “bekind” chucked at us?

And when a couple of posters joined to say they liked PU stuff, it was all quite good natured…

Absolutely pals.
It amused me that you apologised for the things you had said about PU after I said I wore it. No need to apologise! I am not attacking anyone here and I do not feel anyone is attacking me.

So OP is offended on behalf of long ago posters who weren’t even offended back then.

Bloody hell... Fancy complaining about posters from 18 years ago 😮 I hope those posters feel thoroughly ashamed of themselves and will now vow to #bekinder going forwards.

I always enjoy a post from a new poster coming onto MN and telling everyone how they're doing it wrong.