My DM hasn't been on holiday for 12 years because she is worried about her house being left empty and unattended

[Mumholidayconcerns]

I'd like to ask for people's thoughts about this situation involving my DM. She is in her early 60s. She hasn't had a holiday abroad, or even a domestic break somewhere in the UK, for 12 years. The main reason she hasn't is that she is worried about her house being empty and unattended for a prolonged period of time - anything more than a couple of days basically. She doesn't have any close friends or relatives who live close enough to allow them to keep an eye on the house, or house sit for her, if she was to go abroad. I myself live around 80 miles away, so it just wouldn't be practical for me to travel there and back every day, which is what she seems to want.

I would assume that most people who go abroad on holiday, or are absent from their home for any other reason, have someone who can either stay in the house or at least keep an eye on things by visiting the house once a day or so while the owner or occupant (my DM in this case) is absent. As mentioned, my DM doesn't have anyone who is able to do this for her. She also doesn't speak to her neighbours, so she wouldn't feel comfortable asking them. Her house is flanked by two other houses on each side, and backs on to another house at the rear. She's had some difficulties with the neighbours on one side, has barely spoken to the neighbours on the other side, and only speaks to the neighbour in the remaining house once in a blue moon. I'm not quite sure what the solution is. I feel sorry for her as I think she could use a break. What would you suggest?

If I go on holiday then the house is just empty? Likewise my DM just spent 10 days in Ireland and I didn’t go and check on her house. I do have cameras in the front and back garden.

Eh? Most people just put a light on a timer and close the door. You'd only have a house sitter for pets.

Can you stay at her house whilst she is away to give some peace of mind?

When we go on holiday we just leave the house empty. No one checks on it. Maybe a ring doorbell and a couple of cameras would help ease her worries by allowing her to keep an eye on it online. If she saw anything happen you could travel to the house. It’s quite unlikely that anything would happen though. What is she most concerned about?

I don’t think it’s at all normal to have someone check the house every day when you're away. Most people just lock up and go. House sitters are a thing though.

Find a house sitter?

What are you asking?

Your mother doesn’t want to go on holiday 🤷‍♀️. Perhaps she’s using the empty house thing as an excuse.

Do you live with her?

Do people really have someone come round to check on their house every day while they're away? I'll have someone come in every few days to water the plants but other than that is it necessary?

a holiday house swap seems like a good idea in this situation. Then her house wouldn’t be empty!

I would assume that most people who go abroad on holiday, or are absent from their home for any other reason, have someone who can either stay in the house or at least keep an eye on things by visiting the house once a day or so while the owner or occupant (my DM in this case) is absent

why would you need to assume anything? Surely you have been away before and left and empty property?

Most people just leave their house unless they have pets in which case someone might come to feed the pets.

you can get house sitters to stay if she wants?

How about a ring door bell, and if she feels the need, you could even put another camera inside? That way she or you can check the house via the app while away. But I don’t mind leaving my home empty and unattended, I only send someone round after 3-4 weeks if no one is there, but anything up to 2 weeks I don’t care.

She could get a house sitter - we use them as we have two cats and don't want to put them in the cattery. Depending on the condition and location of her house, it could be harder / easier to find a sitter. We are in London and find it very easy to find sitters. You just pay a membership fee to the app (and potentially a small fee per sit) and you can insurance cover through the app. We use Trusted House Sitters.

What exactly is she worried about? Is it fire, theft or flood? Or something else? Have you really drilled down to where her fear stems from at all? It’s not really rational.

My DM is the same. I think mine is a borderline hoarder and it has something to do with that.

Lamps on timers upstairs and down so it looks like someone is moving around, ring doorbell and off you go

In my experience most people just go on holiday. We put lights on timers and just go. I’ve never felt the need to have anyone come into my house when I’ve been away nor I have done it for any or my neighbours or relatives

Your mother is choosing not to go away, her choice and this is reason she is giving.

i am quite sure your mother is very well aware that there are professional house sitters available she is either choosing not to have one - cost or not wanting strangers in the house.

Mother's choices.

Does she really really really want to go away on holiday...

Would she be comfortable with a house sitter? Trusted house sitters is a free service (once you've paid for membership, which isn't expensive). I've used them three times, each time my sitter was a professional person/couple. On two occasions my sitters were people who'd been working abroad for a long time, and needed a roof over their heads while they house-hunted. The other was a recently retired lawyer who was using house sitting as a way to explore different parts of the country.

https://www.trustedhousesitters.com/house-and-pet-sitting-assignments/united-kingdom/

Just tell her you will go every day or every second day. She won't know any different!

Sounds like she doesn’t actually want to go on holiday, some (odd) people don’t. I would just leave her to it.

I get the impression the Op lives with her mum

Maybe she just doesn’t want to go on a holiday enough. You say you think she could use one but not everyone is a “holiday” person. Surely she knows her own mind?

She lives 80 miles away as written in the OP.