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How do you balance kindness with avoiding being taken advantage of?

3 replies

YourPithyLemonUser · 22/08/2026 12:19

How do you draw the line between kindness and exploitation?
I get told off for being unwilling to help strangers with a lotta effort. e.g. I am happy to give spare change to a beggar but not 100s of pounds.
Yet when I do help others, many do not thank me, make an effort to reciprocate or do anything nice for me.

OP posts:
Mysticguru · 22/08/2026 12:38

Sometimes people don't know how to say thank you. Don't take it personally. Stay detached but loving, kind and compassionate.

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 22/08/2026 13:03

Who told you off? what was their motivation?

A lot of people are all too ready to tell you what you should do, very often while not doing it themselves <dryly>

But to answer your question, I think @Mysticguru has it. Stay detached. Be kind, but only when it doesn't cost you more than you can afford with strangers/acquaintances/even friends, unless they are very close friends.

it's circles, isn't it? Like with grief. You are central to your own life; then come your children and your partner, your parents, your very closest friends. You share and give to them (specialy children) willingly, as long as you're not pouring everything out - you can't give from a position of emptiness.

Then less close friends, you'll help, but more when you can than really going out of your way.

The fact is that by the time you're 35+ you learn to keep half an eye on whether there's reciprocity in your giving with friends / partners, because there really are some people who will smile and give you a good time, but will also take and take and take while smiling, and leave you empty and then move on. Learning to take care of your self and your own resources is sensible, not mean.

Like I say, I'd be looking long and hard at who is telling me off, and why. It's a very strange thing to do to another adult.

WarmthAndDepth · 22/08/2026 13:05

Watching with interest.

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