Generosity as a virtue?

[Spooll]

Posters here often talk about being tight being a turn off and of generosity like it's great characteristic in a person, but I'm not sure.

I like to make sure I pay my way and as a result probably pay more than my share sometimes. I'm happy to buy a round or stand someone a coffee, to split a bill rather than working out what everyone had, but I do notice if someone never reciprocates or if someone who ordered the steak and the expensive wine doesn't step forward to even things up. Does that make me tight, it certainly doesn't make me generous?

For gifts e.g. for DP or DSis, I try to get something people will enjoy. Depending on what ideas I have at the time, that could be anything from £5/10 to ££££. I'm not going to spend money on stuff just for the sake of appearing generous. When DSis gets a carefully chosen £10 gift is she thinking that's tight?

DP always pays his share, but rarely treats me and doesn't want to be treated. Unless it's a special occasion we each pay for ourselves. Lots of people find that odd, but if either one of us wanted/expected the other to be "generous" doesn't that make us tight?

I have a friend who is always buying drinks, the more expensive the better, but to me that seems much more about showing off and justifying his own drinking by making sure everyone drinks as much than it is a generous spirit.

Is anyone really genuinely generous, or are they gaining something (status, sex, a warm fuzzy feeling?) from it?

Does (especially a man?) only paying your share make you tight?

I think that people who are generous are not without boundaries. There’s no point being the only person who is ever generous or being taken for a mug.

Generosity can only exist in a community where it is a shared value. That doesn’t mean equal spending but it means equal desire to make others happy and not being selfish to stack your cash while taking advantage of others. If someone is down on their luck they will have to scrimp and save and then their £5 gift is as generous as £100 from a wealthier person. And the round they buy when they’re better off again all the more welcome for indicating their relief.

The rich person who fritters isn’t necessarily more generous because by proportion they can afford it. But when they pay just to make you smile or because they want you to be happy they are a generous spirit and that is to be lauded.

In a group where someone never buys rounds but never expects rounds they aren’t tight they’re just to a budget. When they accept rounds but don’t buy they are tight.

It’s all about the give and take, the offer without the expectation of praise, the cheeky fight over the bill, the acceptance that some years you will spend more because they struggle but five years later the situation is reversed because friendship and generosity spans time.

And nobody who overspends on others to look good even when it puts them in difficulties is generous. Just foolish.