Possible adhd in nearly 4 year old?

[mojojojoo]

Loud
Extreme tantrums
Screaming over and over again whilst having a tantrum
Can’t stay still, even when eating, she’s up and down constantly
Doesn’t stop talking
Late speech development but now it’s really good
Gets extremely upset if she is told off in any way
Hits and kicks when tired/having a tantrum, even when firmly told no she will still do it, and laugh at you
Has a temper
Doesn’t like loud noises, hates the hoover especially
Easily jumped/scared by things
When colouring/painting covers herself in pen/paint every single time despite requests beforehand not to do it again
Hates hair being washed/water on face
Doesn’t like baby wipes on her skin, really has a thing about it
Doesn’t seem to need to rest, eventually she just collapses
Once asleep she usually sleeps most of the night but still talking in her sleep/thrashes about alot
Needs to be doing something all the time
Gets bored easily with tasks and wants to do something else

On the other hand she is Very sociable
Caring for others
Likes to be helpful, to please
Funny
Like to have a joke around
Loving (on her terms)
Generally a happy little girl but a switch flips and she sees red.

Does this sound like normal behaviour or could there be possible signs of adhd ?

Neurodivergence runs in our families. Ds is autistic, as am i. Stepdaughter has adhd.
My niece is autistic
Other niece has adhd and so does nephew.
My other sister is autistic with a learning disabilities.

Forgot to mention she really struggles with patience (as I’m sure alot of little kids do) but it seems extreme
She cannot/doesnt listen, at all
She also constantly repeats herself, for example asking to do painting, she will ask 10 times over and over again even though I am already answering her question. It’s just all so exhausting but and ds was never really like this, but he is autistic so I don’t know if that’s why. Our youngest is also now showing signs of autism and she is very similar to how ds was at that age, this sounds terrible but I have no way of knowing what a “normal” child behaves like, I don’t mean that in a nasty way, just literally it’s a fact

She certainly sounds more full-on than the average child. The many different sensory issues, flipping from 0 to rage, speech delay, repetition, and "on her terms" I personally associate more with ASC than ADHD but it's hard to tell without a specialist assessment.

How does she get on around other children? You'll probably get a clearer sense if she has a problem or not when she starts school and has to deal with unfamiliar adults and interact with bigger groups of children.

Hi, thank you for replying. This is the thing, I’ve never once thought asd with dd, she is very social, loves talking and playing to other children, don’t get me wrong she can be shy but nothing like her older brother was who is diagnosed autistic. She already goes to nursery and they say she’s good as gold there 😐🤣 sometimes I think I should record her at home for them to see as I’m sure they think I’m making it up!
Snother thing I forgot to mention is the last few weeks she’s started this stutter, when she is starting to speak she will really struggle to get out what she’s saying, for example “mommy” is “m m m m m m m m m mommy” and her eyes go into the back of her head, face sometimes goes red and she puts her fingers to her mouth. We ignore it thinking it was just a phase but it doesn’t seem to be stopping.

Potentially signs of Autism and ADHD there. They often come together. Lots of Autistic people are highly sociable. Two of my DC are, the youngest is but prefers adults.

I agree with ASD and ADHD.

my DS is diagnosed both and sociable

Sounds more like possible AsD, the fact she has an autistic brother increases the likelihood. Girls (and boys) with ASd can be very social and talkative, especially when younger as the rules of play and interactions are less complex.

I’m not sure if it’s the norm but this is exactly like my just turned 4 year old. It’s also question after question, word after word. I like to say the only time they stop talking is in their sleep but even then, my child sleep talks 😳

Sounds like my AuDHD child except for the sleeping through the night.

What’s your plan now?

I have no idea as nursery don’t see any issues?

My DC was very sociable and outgoing and the familar comfortable nursery had zero idea that DC had any issues at all and neither did we. This changed when DC started school, DC couldn't handle the shift from nursery to a unfamilar and more challenging setting and was diagnosed with ASC a year or so later.

Have you talked to the nursery about the stutter and eye-roll? Does she do that at nursery?

If your DD is starting school in September then it wouldn't do any harm for you to give them a heads-up about these issues but the school may come to you anyway if she struggles. It's part of the role of reception.

If you were my friend I would suggest you make a GP appointment ask them to make a note of your concerns - take your list and ask for referal to audiology as you’re concerned about potential hearing issues (being very loud). Before she starts reception get a sight test. Read up about parenting ND children, meet her exercises and sensory needs. Keep a track of any concerns - just a brief note in your phone eg Aug 2026 started finger stimming. After 6 weeks at school, ask for an appointment with class teacher and senco and discuss your concerns. Join local facebook SEND parenting group.

If you can, save up for private assessment at 7 yrs old.

There are certainly some behaviours here that may be worth exploring further, especially around hyperactivity, impulsivity, sensory sensitivities and emotional regulation. Given the family history, speaking with a GP or appropriate professional could help you understand whether these are typical developmental behaviours or signs of possible neurodivergence.

Thank you, this is very helpful.

I would tell the nursery that you have concerns and ask for them to be noted given you little one is still so young and nursery think they’re too young for anything to be a concern.

You should also stress to them that your concerns are based on your day to day experience of ND.

I have mentioned it before, even before she started nursery, since then they’ve not mentioned anything of the kind agreeing with me. It’ll be interesting to see what they make of my youngest, she is quite clearly autistic (on the waiting list to be assessed) and there are clear delays with her. I’m wondering if they come to me with concerns.