I know I have to bite my tongue but,

[Halafel]

A woman I know has died in very sad circumstances recently. Among mutual friends/aquaintances there seems to be some competitive grief going on, with people tripping over themselves to be the most devastated.

One of them is a woman I literally never heard say a good word about the dead woman. She used to do a cruel impression of her. I so want to say "but you never had anything nice to say about her when she was alive" but I know I can't.

They are grief vultures

I have a friend (I say 'friend' loosely) who has hated people over the years and been very bitchy about them

Once that person passes,she was suddenly their bestie,nobody else misses them as much as she does and she cant cry anymore tears over them as she's cried out

I've seen her centre stage at a funeral-she made a real show of herself with the weeping and wailing

She hated the lad when he was alive but lost her brain when he died

It's attention seeking at best

I know it’s tempting, but you’re right, you are just stooping to their level of behaviour.

But also, you don’t know the depth of other peoples private relationships with the women that has passed, some of them may have deeper relationships than you realise.

I speak to my neighbour daily, we have meaningful conversations, I know every aspect of her life, have shared her joy & grief over the years, I’d be devastated if she passed, but I don’t know any of her friends or family, I’d hate for them to accuse me of performative grief based on thinking we are just causal friends.

I’m top tear petty, I’d come out with something like “It’s a shame she didn’t get the chance to hear your kind words or how fondly you thought of her” but said in a way that makes it clear you know she’s full of crap without being hostile.

I know, but it's not just that this woman didn't appear to be close to her, she was positively unpleasant about her.

I could help but say to her, the next time she was saying something about them "but you always slagged them off".
I would say it quietly but directly and then walk away.