How would you respond to this enquiry

[Halafel]

Someone I know through a hobby died a couple of weeks ago. She was well known across a wide circle, some close friends others passing aquaintances.

There have been lots of tributes online in the various groups we all belong to. IRL conversations the cause and circumstances of the death have been widely shared, but online it only says sudden death/loss.

A friend of mine who's seen the posts but only knew the deceased woman in passing asked me what happened.

Would you have given details?

Yes. Why not?

It's natural to be curious how someone died and unless there is a lot more to it I.e on going crime investigation or family members that haven't yet been told the details etc then I can't see the harm in telling them

Probably not - if she barely knew the woman, it turns a sad event into pointless gossip.

See I think not saying anything if asked directly leads to more gossip and potentially incorrect assumptions.

It was suicide and I know how it happened. I don't think the family intended it to be public knowledge, but it is.

Then I definitely wouldn't spread it further.

That changes things if the family didn't intend it to be public knowledge then I definitely wouldn't be telling anyone.

I agree that it’s natural to be a bit curious. Assuming that she’s not just looking for gossip and the online tributes she saw didn’t state to respect the bereaved’s privacy or anything like that. You don’t need to tell her - or can just be vague. I think it’s different if she’s asking the family directly though.
My husband died in a gossip worthy way. Lots of people asked how he died. The majority of them were asking in a “oh god what happened?” Kind of way. They were generally given a stock answer. Some of them were obviously fishing for info and they were told (nicely) to fuck off.

The stock line in the paper is usually 'it was unexpected but noone else is being sought in relation to her passing.'

Yes, and everyone knows what that means.

I’d say it was suicide but not the method.

Yes this. Say it was suicide and then if she asks if you know how she took her life I would say you don't know.

Don't tell anyone else. Let the woman and her friends have some privacy.

Was the enquiry in person or on SM?

I definitely wouldn't have answered online.

If in person I might say 'she took her life, so naturally the family are needing privacy, so maybe keep it discreet' . And I would definitely not pass on any details of how, if I knew.

She asked me face to face. I did tell her it was suicide, then she pressed for how.

If she barely knows the deceased woman, this is outright salacious nosiness.

Yes, I get it - I would be curious in her shoes too I expect - but decent people draw a line and recognise where they have no legitimate reason to know something about a private individual, swallow their curiosity and don't probe in this awful way.

If you are told someone has died by suicide the only appropriate response is condolences to their loved ones. "How exactly did she do it?" is unbelievably crass.

Wow - how rude!

I have been touched by suicide 4 times, 2 I know the method, 2 I have no idea and I'm not about to go asking. Not my story.