Should we spend Christmas with in-laws or keep our own tradition?

[Afternoonteaforme1]

Hi all,
I know it’s still very early in the year but my in laws who live 3 hours away are talking about me and my husband and our 2 small children going to theirs for Xmas and spending it with them and our brother and sister in laws. My husband said he could take it or leave it and he prefers to stay at home as it’s our tradition and we don’t want to have to drive up and would have no room for our children’s presents. He told his family that and his parents and brothers are pressuring him and now he’s thinking that he should as he’s never seen them on Xmas day before since having children and feels like a bad son. What are your thoughts? I’m trying to support him but it’s so hard seeing him feeling like he can’t win as he says!

But, as can be seen from this thread, many children love going to their grandparent's homes for Christmas. The ideal is probably that some are at home and some are not.

I’m so glad my dad is the same 😂 we’re very close but I think if I told him I was lugging us all over for Christmas Day he’d be very bemused, he (rightly in our case) assumes that families would want to just have Christmas Day together, probably as he was the same when we were children

Do your own thing this year and invite his parents to you next year when they'll be on their own.

We stay at home and have done since DD1 was born. GPS are welcome to ours. DC come first.

I’d do it as a one off but make it clear it won’t become a tradition so there’s no continuous expectation.

Fair enough, of course, to stay at home but I don't see how going to a grandparent's isn't putting your child first if they love it. We've done a mixture of at ours and at theirs over the years and ours has loved the fun of both.

Going on Christmas Eve (I'm assuming just for the day) is no fun for anyone. Everyone's preparing for the day, last minute shopping, or prepping for Christmas dinner. And the kids are just wound up.

Boxing Day on the other hand is relaxed, the stressful bits are over and people are pretty chilled and just putting out leftovers. Also the kids are past the hyper bit of Christmas, and happy playing with their toys.
We did that (though as I mentioned before, we left at bedtime on Christmas night), and our kids chose which presents they were taking up to play with. It worked really well.

I am so sorry that I reduced my only child to a very boring day then each year.

I don't have a lot of family, none lives in the same country and I work in an industry where I can't take time off to spend Christmas Eve/Christmas Day with them because I would need 2 days before and after with all the travel.

So sorry, that all the nice food, presents, special movies and other things we do are just like any other day of the year.

I loved spending time with just my parents, we may visited family on Boxing Day for the afternoon but otherwise I had plenty of time to play with my new toys, did something with my parents. Big families are not always the best.

We've done Christmas Eve evening with great success. It was a nice vibe, Christmas starting early kind of thing. We've also had friends round Christmas eve for years on rotation, similarly.

Not so easy with a 3 hour drive though.

No I wouldn't. Unless you know they are terminally ill, then it will just be the same again next year with them using the same reasons (getting older, might be the only chance).
I would go up before or after to visit.

we suggested going up 22nd-24th but they declined. They said if we are that bothered about all the presents we could drive up separately!

If they won't compromise on that then that would definitely be decision made for me and I would be staying firmly at home!
Their loss!

With that sort of response, I would be staying home with my family, forever.

Really? It's not much of a compromise is it, no one wants visitors then, why on earth cant they just have one Christmas with everyone together, it seems such a small ask.

Sorry, what does that mean?

We’ve had Xmas st home, at my brothers and at DHs sis and brothers house. It was more about who had MIL and my dad…. But what the kids wanted (and as young adults still) was to be with their cousins. The location didn’t matter and all are good cooks!

If they are cooking go up on Christmas morning. Come back on 26th. That’s what I’d do.

I've invited all sorts of people for Christmas over the years, alway grandparents but they are gone now. DH brother and his wife, my SIL, students of mine who couldn't get home for Christmas and a friend who was widowed. I couldn't enjoy Christmas if I knew people who were alone if I didn't invite them.

We always invite them every year but they declined last year saying they wanted to spend it alone

To me it sounds like they want it all on their terms or not at all. If it's that important to them that OP and her family visit then surely if they are there up to the day before then it shouldn't matter. They can still see family and still make the most of it!

When do you usually see his parents at Christmas?

Usually they come up either Boxing Day or day after

Are you an only child? I wonder if that's part of why some people like being with cousins etc and some are happier at home.

My dad worked away but was home for Christmas so for me just being at home with my parents and siblings together was special, but we're all different.

You should do it! They have time to make other plans

Same for me (liking travelling to family at Xmas) - not an only child, sister close in age. Our cousins were older than us. We just really liked being part of a big busy family thing, older cousins, aunts and uncles, loads of interesting food and chat and walks and games. I liked seeing family all together, liked seeing what everyone got each other, liked helping my auntie and uncle get food ready, giving out presents etc, sharing a room with my sister. We had loads of lovely times by ourselves as a family too. But it was good doing communal christmases. Helps if you like all your family.

I would go ….. parents aren’t going to be around forever …… treat parents and in laws the way you like to be treated by your kids when you are old