Would you call this person out?

[Flatlily]

I'm part of a team organising a charity event tonight.

It's a thing we do regularly and we have the organisation pretty slick. It does require a small army of volunteers and we usually get them easily, although there will always be one or two who have something come up last minute and have to drop out. It doesn't really matter, we have others who will step up but it's another thing to sort out on the day.

One person gave a big sob story yesterday about how she's devastated to let us down but can't go because her father needs her for something to do with his care arrangements.

I've just been sent screenshots of another group, which show she's going to a social thing with them.

She can do what she likes with her time, but I don't like being lied to.

Sounds like the other volunteer has called her out already by sharing this screenshot.

You don't need to say anything.

Sometimes we have to accept that people do what they do for whatever reason. Maybe she finds you intimidating, maybe she just thinks her lie was a white lie that didn't hurt anyone and it meant she could do what she wanted to do without question, judgement or challenge etc. Confronting her just makes you antagonistic but it won't take back the lie and it won't prevent another lie. It will probably make you seem a bit petty in front of the other volunteers. Look, I get it, you have principles. I hate being lied to, too. Just know that she's not reliable and move on with your life. The best you can do is retain your dignity and principles and let others lapse in these things serve to make you even more steadfast in your beliefs and attitude.

I manage a large team of volunteers and this would piss me off a bit too.

But only because I repeatedly tell them "I'm sorry I can't make it" is all I need to hear.

I make it crystal clear they don't owe me any explanations.

Do you do this too OP?

Still low of that person to take screenshots. If the person who pulled out had been paid fair enough call them out, but calling out a volunteer that's changed their mind is just low. And stalking someone to find evidence is just nasty

Well aren’t you and screen shotter happy you’ve been given all the “well how COULD she!!” Gossip fodder?

Everyone knows there is a surplus of volunteers and there's no need for anyone who might have a conflict to offer. What she's actually done is jump in quickly to save a spot, should she decide she wants it, and prevent someone else having it.

No one was stalking. He is in the same group and was invited to the same thing, which he declined due to a previous engagement.

I'd only a few minutes earlier been telling him what a terrible time friend was having with her dad, meaning she wouldn't be able to attend our thing.

Are you actually friends with her? I can understand you’re annoyed with her, but you’ve not been left in the lurch as lots of people wanting to take her place, why is there a limit on volunteers?

Because there are only so many jobs that need doing.

The spot has been filled but it is a pain having to ring round and ask people who you've previously told weren't needed.

I thought we were friends, I've definitely given her a lot of support with her DC and her dad.

I think you need to separate your friendship from the Volunteer role. In regards to the volunteer role she could have told the truth but maybe feels that she would be judged for it. You need to see her as another Volunteer and not your friend in this role.

Some people are just weird about telling the truth. I backed out of a theatre trip, before tickets had been bought, because I realised I just wasn't all that interested. I told the truth - I changed my mind.