Special presents for 18th for a girl who doesn’t like grand gestures

[Pinkbox]

DD is coming up to 18 and various family members are looking for advice/ideas as they would like to get her something special but not waste money on an unwanted gift.

DD says she can’t think of anything she has her heart set on or would like as a keepsake. She rejects ideas about jewellery as she likes to get hers from charity shops (ditto clothes). Not interested in designer labels.

We have got her tickets to a show she’s desperate to see and will also get her something to keep from us; however advising the older generations who could really do with some guidance is becoming quite onerous. Obviously I am grateful for their interest and understand their wish to get it right.

Thinking back to my own 18th last century, people bought me jewellery, an ornament, special sets of books.

Any advice gratefully received! I would say budgets range from £50-£100 for the givers.

Sounds like it went well. My mum and I had that type of conversation and whilst I agreed to jewellery, I felt I was agreeing for her sake. Unfortunately it
was a massive waste of money as I have long since lost them. I am not a clothes/jewellery kind of person.

Perhaps 18th birthdays are more for other people than the person whose birthday it is!

That’s so beautiful!

So one biggie (the grandparents) is now sorted, thanks to someone up thread- money for a make your own perfume session (+1 accomplice) and a bit extra to spend.

I understand people saying don’t stress her about it but I am caught between that and the real anxiety it’s causing some elderly relatives (who won’t be swayed from their wish to make it special). Families are complicated!

Experiences and money seem to be the route we are taking 😁

Three of my kids had paintings by local artists. They were all commissioned for them. One artist painted from a photo we gave her, the other was more abstract. We also bought my son a vintage desk set - I can't remember what it was like now other than it had a pen holder!

Can you try to explain to her the difference between something being material and something being sentimental.

Explain that in 10, 20 years from now her grandparents might not be here and if they get her a keepsake it is something she can have to remember them by and feel a connection to. It is something at 18 she might not understand yet, but to trust you on it.

I have a gold necklace from my gran she got on my 18th. I thanked her profusely, but being honest I wasn’t too bothered at the time. It is now very precious to me and I think of my gran every time I see it or put it on.

Also explain it is quite the rejection of her grandparents, and hurtful them, not to allow them to buy her something special on this occasion .

Just ask for cash if there's literally nothing she wants. It's better to put some money towards a savings account or an investment rather than purchase something unwanted that won't get used.

Or, she could choose a charity and ask people to donate to it on her behalf.

OP I hope you don’t do this.

Saying about her grandparents is emotional blackmail, and is basically saying her birthday is not about her.

I have long since lost the jewellery I was given for my 18th because unfortunately it didn’t mean enough for me to take care of it.

My parents don’t know that the money they spent was totally wasted.

I suppose you could make her put her grandparents first and then perhaps offer to look after whatever they give her.