Special presents for 18th for a girl who doesn’t like grand gestures

[Pinkbox]

DD is coming up to 18 and various family members are looking for advice/ideas as they would like to get her something special but not waste money on an unwanted gift.

DD says she can’t think of anything she has her heart set on or would like as a keepsake. She rejects ideas about jewellery as she likes to get hers from charity shops (ditto clothes). Not interested in designer labels.

We have got her tickets to a show she’s desperate to see and will also get her something to keep from us; however advising the older generations who could really do with some guidance is becoming quite onerous. Obviously I am grateful for their interest and understand their wish to get it right.

Thinking back to my own 18th last century, people bought me jewellery, an ornament, special sets of books.

Any advice gratefully received! I would say budgets range from £50-£100 for the givers.

Yes but what 18 year old can afford to do much travelling 🤔

I got a small suitcase for my 18th. Many, many years ago and it’s still in use. I think of the giver every time I dig it out for my next trip.

DD is 18 and about to take her first trip with friends. She wants to go inter-railing next summer and will be saving earnings from her part time job to be able to afford it. She saves any money she gets for birthday and Christmas gifts for travelling. A quality rucksack would be a perfect gift for her and one I know she’d appreciate.

I don’t think luggage is a necessarily a daft idea. Horses for courses.

But if the DD is uncomfortable with people asking what she wants then what’s the point of buying something she may not want or use?

When I got my case I remember thinking ‘what the actual fuck’ as I had never mentioned before a desire to travel. To me it was someone buying a gift for their own sake.

Of course it’s probably a decent gift if she’s off travelling but not on the off chance she may decide to - it just becomes something big to try to store somewhere.

A spa day with afternoon tea.
I got a cut glass vase and bouquet of flowers from one of my Aunts. At the time I didn't think too much of it but I've used that vase for flowers ever since and my Aunt is dead now but when I put flowers in that vase I always think of my Aunt.

Obviously this is hobby-dependent but I got DC1 a whole load of good walking gear - good coat, boots, rucksack (large and small), waterproof trousers, thermals. It was partly for me
as now I know if they are up a hill and the weather changes they at least are in decent kit.

I think a Swiss Army knife - one with scissors and a bottle opener- is a good gift

A pension.

I kmow it is not exciting or a traditional keepsake but whatever you and relatives put in, even if it is just £100 between you will multiply over the years and of course HMRC also top it up.

You can add to it, she can too ad when she starts work it is already set up and can be transferred in to an employer's scheme or keep it separate.

These are very random suggestions - you know her, and we don’t. Plenty of people would dislike every one of the things suggested so far.

She doesn’t want a fuss and she’s uncomfortable about being asked - respecting this is more important that any present suggested by a stranger on the internet.

I don't understand how this one suggestion amongst many has ended up so debated!

But two things - firstly the point of a long lasting item is it is useful for many years, so not just at 18.

But also many young people in the 18-30 bracket do travel quite a bit as they have more free time - up and down on trains, buses, coaches to events, friends and family but also on holiday. There are many travel discounts for that group, cheap bus tickets, rail cards, as well as commercial holiday packages. Some travel to work, some save up.

There's been some great suggestions on here. My favourites are money and then vintage jewellery shopping (a nice day out with lunch, low key) and I love love the idea of a sewing course and a sewing machine so she can pimp up her charity shop finds. Sewing is so cool at the moment too. In the end, you know her. If the relatives all just give money, she can put it towards whatever she wants when she's ready.

I agree that if a person clearly expresses they don't want much, that should be respected. A gift can always be given later, but an unwanted gift can never be ungiven.

I think (as someone who was part of that debate) part of the issue is that you can leave a piece of jewellery in a box if you don’t want to wear it but a suitcase takes up a lot of space for something which may never be used.

It can just become a pain in the arse every time you move house. It’s a particularly lazy present when you have no idea whether the recipient will ever need it,

It comes down to knowing the person involved. I would genuinely have preferred to have had no gift at all than any of the suggestions on here but only the OP knows what her daughter likes.

A thoughtless or unsuitable gift makes you realise the giver doesn’t actually know or care about the recipient!

I wish my parents had set me up a pension for my 18th. Sounds boring but even small regular amounts from that age over 40 odd years would now be a fairly sizeable fund.

Start a pension for her as a general step toward helping her financially, sure - I get that,

Making it a birthday present (on probably the last birthday she is likely to get gifts from family, if MN is anything to go by) doesn’t sound fun,

Are there any nice board games she likes? I got DD a really good quality chess board, she loves it and it’s lasted years.

OP does your daughter like to read? Not an 18th gift, but I used to live a abroad and when I left my bookclub friends each gave me a copy of their favourite book with a note about why it was special to them. It was such a meaningful gift and I still have the books and notes to this day.

You could do the same with records if she is into vinyl.

The fun part is already covered by her parents though. Starting a fund would be a memorable thing for a long time and something that will hold more value. Imagine starting to draw it in 40 years time and thinking of your long gone grandparents and other rellies who helped set it up.

You can now start them for children too. if you have children that is.

I would have been too scared to use it in case I broke it 🤣

Do you have DC? I’d so you could start one now for them?

A really sturdy black leather weekend bag was a gift I was given 45 years ago.
A beauty.
Still perfect and has gone all over the world.
A nice large leather black tote is great too and will be great for college next year.

My daughter said that she didn't want jewellery, but then when we talked about it, and I said how lovely it was for me that I had a bracelet from my parents, a ring from my grandmother, a locket from my aunt, that she came around and decided that she would like a few nice bits of jewellery that she could attach that 18th memory and family member to. She is now thrilled to have a few nice pieces.

Would your DD feel the same if you had a chat with her about it?

Is she in to anything else, Lego, or collectibles of any sort?

An excellent idea. It will encourage saving. At 18 retirement seems so far away but when I got my first job at 21 my Dad told me to invest in my pension. He told me if from month 1 you start putting away pension you will never notice a difference as it is all you've known. Now I've got my Teachers Pension and an annuity I bought when I took early retirement which runs out in 2 1/2 years and I'm just about to replace it with another annuity. I won't get my state pension for another 2 years. Dad has been dead for over 30 years but I bless him for encouraging me to start the pension early and pay in additional voluntary contributions for several years before I had any DC to think about. I have passed on pension advise to my DC.

You know...I can't remember many things I was given for my 18th at all. The one thing I do remember (and it could actually have been my 16th) was my Dad bought me flowers. Nobody had ever bought me flowers before and it was so lovely. I still remember that and he's not with me anymore.