Friends - where do you meet them?

[Chefpig]

I have none apart from a few work buddies but none locally. I'd love to meet up with someone for a brew, to go for a swim, a bit of lunch etc and a good gossip. I love the company of women but don't seem to meet any to make lifelong friendships and everyone is so busy to meet up these days anyway.

I do all of those with friends but they are all long term friends.
however there is a great group near me that does meet ups for people not romantic friendship and it’s thriving. Maybe google see if something similar and be brave.

you can try a craft group or two. Or if sporty an adult sport club

if you click then you need to be brave a make the first move on invites for a coffee etc.

Also stop thinking lifelong. It’s too much pressure on you.

friends can be for a lifetime a reason or a season.

Central Perk...

At my gym, I always make friends at nice spa/gyms I join. I then meet some at other venues or arrange a swim/lunch etc at the club.
I don’t think in terms of lifelong friends.

Excluding school friends:

One is a tutor of an evening class I took many years ago. She's extremely sociable and started inviting me to her house parties.

One is a fellow attendee of a completely different course. We were the only two people on the course who were mid-thirties at the time - everyone else was at least a decade younger.

One is a friend of my ex, actually we're both his exs 😆

A few are ex colleagues, although I rarely see them these days.

I've found the best way as an adult is to turn an acquaintance or colleague into a friend by doing a hobby or class with them, or to start a new hobby with a friendly group and see if there are people you click with.

All of my true friends are via work. We all work in a vocational creative job in the arts and we are just obsessive geeks. We talk about work, our own, each others, that of artists we admire; the clients and students we train and the institutions that hire us. But as you say, we also go walking, swimming, out for dinner and drinks, to art exhibitions.

Other places I've met friends are via DC at school gates, or just nice neighbours. We also go for walks, drinks, dinner occasionally, or to the cinema.

I haven't tended to make close friends at fitness classes, but the opportunity has been there - one group go for coffee after class every week, and another has people who I go walking with occasionally and get on well with.

IME the closest friendships come from having a shared passion - the kind of thing you love doing and discussing that others have no interest in - making music or painting or training for a specific sport.

My friends are from school (I’m 60, so those have been lifelong); work; a walking group; people I’ve met through a charity I support, and dog walking.

Tough isn’t it. Moved back to London and had ambitions of doing this and that but haven’t. I have a couple good friends here and I do return almost monthly to my old area and meet up with friends there (who I met through the school). Initially promising start as I had dogs and met a couple people and one I went around for coffee and was invited to a couple more things but that’s died down and as my dogs have died too I no longer meet at dog walks. Did a couple craft workshops but one offs. At the gym I never talk to anyone other that polite chit chat before the class. I think you have to be bold and ask anyone who you’ve met with the slightest indication you might get on out for a coffee. If they say no nothing lost if they say yes might become a friend!
Edited for typos

Wanting to make lifelong friends is like wanting to meet your soulmate while supermarket shopping. A bit intense and vanishingly unlikely.

Where I've made friends - school, fan clubs, university, drama clubs, music groups and choirs, NCT classes, toddler groups, PTA and school things, through work, at book groups, in online chat forums, at adult education classes, at exercise and hobby classes, while volunteering, at gardening groups, at a walking club, debate salons at the local museum, by crossing paths repeatedly and striking up conversations...

The way to make friends is to be around people, be interested in them, be fairly confident, and not mind if it doesn't pan out.

I probably have 20 to 30 so people I could meet for a coffee or a drink with, whose company I really enjoy. A couple of close friends are wonderful, but don't sneeze at the idea of more lightweight friendly relationships - they can be a source of a lot of happiness too.

My closest friends have been made through work, a hobby and one was made at the school gates when our children were small.

I met my lifelong friend 56 years ago at playgroup, a group of Mums I see individiually and together who I met when DD started school (many left the group, but those that kept it up have been part of it for 20 years), and my other friend through work. Over the years I've had phases of meeting colleagues for a drink or lunch, occasionally have had a drink with someone from one of my exercise classes - I don't push these relationships as I have enough going on, but I could probably build on them.

No idea what it's like, but as mentioned above, we do have a couple of groups aimed at women wanting to make friends. Another option could be to join a walking group or volunteer somewhere.

I have met friends through work, parents of my kids' friends, volunteering on the PTA, a group weights class I go to, and neighbours.

In each case I have started just chatting casually to someone at the school gates, during the class, etc and then said "hey do you fancy a coffee after the class/after pickup" and taken it from there. Coffee shop first, then the next time I'd happily invite them round to mine if convenient.

The way to make friends is to be around people, be interested in them, be fairly confident, and not mind if it doesn't pan out.

100% agree with @OttersOnAPlane here - but also to say you have to be willing to be vulnerable. We have people over to ours a lot, which I know is tough for some people as they worry their house isn't nice enough or will be judged or there's not enough space - I don't want to be friends with people who would judge me that way, so it's a good litmus test!

I also have no issue with not hearing from someone for days/weeks/months, and then getting together with them and having a nice catch-up. You can't be needy with friendships I think.

I read up on this and read that low effort socialising such as my t’ai chi class and a coffee afterwards is really good for me. Not all friendships need to be lifelong best friends.

I have just moved to a new area where I didn't know anyone. I have joined the local village Facebook group and put a post up introducing myself and saying I was new to the village. I had heaps of replies from people welcoming me to the area and many, many from women my age saying that if I fancied a coffee meet up then to just PM then. So I did!

This week I am meeting one new friend for coffee, and another small bunch of us are taking a walk then going for coffee on Thursday.

I am quite lucky in that I have no trouble putting myself out there. If people like me they do, and if they don't they don't. And I don't much care if people see my Facebook post and think its weird.

I also noticed some of my neighbours were women of my age so went round and said hello to them. I called on my neighbour next door who is a little older than me and we have made friends.

It can be done if you are willing to just put yourself out there but you have to not be afraid of rejection. Some people you meet you will click with and others you won't. But its how I have always made friends in the past.

I still have friends from school, friends from old workplaces, old Mum friends from when my kids were small, old neighbours and all sorts of people I have met through my life. Some I no longer talk to but that's life. Some stick with you and others don't.

I get this. I listen to our neighbours who had loads of people round a few weeks ago and their garden was buzzing. I felt quite jealous tbh.
i have three groups of friends that I meet regularly - maybe once every two months - but none I’d consider to be a best friend that I could really confide in.
I’ve tried sporty clubs but always felt very self conscious and worse at the sport than everyone else. Tried a book club too.

Oldest and dearest friends are from school and uni still. But more local friends are neighbours, dc’s friends parents, people I know from hobbies and also a few support groups I’ve been part of over the years.

I think it's very hard to predict where you'll meet a long-term friend. I've taken a number of hobby classes over the years (and work-related courses) and I find myself gelling with some people more than others, so we hang out a bit. But after the course is over, nine times out of ten we go our separate ways and don't really see each other again. That's normal, I think.

Also, I've had some really enjoyable friendships with colleagues, most of which gradually petered out after one of us left the job. I think that's also normal.

The PTA was a double-edged sword. I've become good friends with a fellow member who I knew slightly beforehand. But I also met a few extremely patronising, controlling people who I now do my best to avoid!

I suggest giving several groups a go, and don't expect more than to (hopefully) meet a few pleasant people who you enjoy practising the hobby with. In a minority of cases, the friendship might evolve beyond a situationship, but in most cases it won't. Don't take this personally. As you say, people are so busy these days.