Why do I hate “parent” used as a verb (to parent, parenting) so much?

[IAmYoungerThanThatNow]

Why do I hate “parent” used as a verb so much?

”Your DH should parent his child”

”They needed step up and to do some parenting”

I loathe it but don’t know why. Does anyone else hate it and can they explain why?

(Lighthearted - I am not saying people shouldn’t say this commonly used idiom and do not judge people who do, I am just interested in understanding why I detest it so much 😂)

No - I’m a teacher and wish more people would understand it is a verb !!! It is a doing word - too many parents I see are passive and are too “gentle” - causing massive problems. Not sure why it is getting to you but spend a week in a classroom and you will see why it is a verb!

I’m so over people not using the word as a verb!

I take your point but you are misunderstanding mine. I’m not talking about being an active, involved, proactive parent. I am talking very specifically about the use of language, the word parenting or the phrase “to parent”. And I do fully realise it’s a trivial issue compared to for example how we act as parents to our children, but I just hate it 😳

Yes but presumably the two are intertwined.

The reason you likely hate it is because it has increasingly and quickly become common phasing as a direct result of the behaviour described by PivotPivot…
”Back in the day” parents parented,
so there was no need to point out those that didn’t. Unfortunately times have changed…

It is a verb, and no, it doesn't bother me. Why would it?

I have a lot of sympathy with you, OP. I don’t like it either.

If “parent” can be a verb, does that mean “grandparent” can be too? If not, why not? And how about “child”?

I agree completely. I’m not a teacher, just a parent but I’m so fed up people thinking they either don’t need to parent or that it’s schools job. There seem to be no expectations for behaviour or manners at all.

I don’t know 😂

I hate when parents say they are 'doing bedtime'. You don't do bedtime!

It’s quite possibly that it’s relative newness and huge increase in use are aiding my revulsion but there are lots of other new and common usages which don’t upset me so much so it’s not just that.

Hmmm, interesting. Perhaps the fact that it’s used with a lot of implied and pointed meaning without explicitly stating what that meaning is isn’t helping me learn to love it.

If someone said “They need to step up and do some grandparenting” people would be somewhat confused what was meant.

I hate it too and don't know why!!
I think with me it's that it wasn't used when my children were small and I always think of it as a noun, although I know it's a verb too.
We used to talk about "bringing children up" or "child rearing" and I guess "parenting" just sounds strange to me and a bit pretentious...I honestly don't know why I think that!!

You’re doing it on purpose now!

I am not alone ❤️

I know what you mean OP. I wonder if it’s because sometimes its use is delivered with what I perceive to be (rightly or wrongly) a sanctimonious tone.

I don’t want to go too far off topic as I am desperate for my conundrum to be explained to me but I don’t agree with this:

Back in the day” parents parented,
so there was no need to point out those that didn’t.

I think it’s generally accepted that many parents were much more distant, laissez faire and hands-off in their approach to their children than most parents are now.

I think you may be on to something here …

Maybe it feels like a lazy replacement for look after, raise, displacement, control, teach them manners or something more specific. As a verb parent is so generic it can cover any manner of behaviours without anyone having to bother to state what specifically they mean.

I think any use of language that replaces specifically clear language with vague allusions to what someone might mean without them having to be specific can be annoying as it can be interpreted as a lazy cover for someone rather than putting effort into being clear and articulate, instead transferring the burden of interpreting and making sure what was meant is understood from the speaker to the listener who has to guess.

i am thrilled someone else thinks the same 😂😂

This idea that a higher percentage of parents 'parented' in the past is fiction.
A lot of awful behaviour was just tolerated. Fighting, truanting, drink/drugs, joy riding, shoplifting - these all happened in the past.

YANBU, OP. It sets my teeth on edge.

… not that this is an AIBU- sorry

Can you identify what your actual feeling is - fear, worry, anger, sadness - under the revulsion?

What's your view of your own parenting, what's your view of how you were parented?

I think it's a good word, useful for explaining that parenting is something you do, not just something you are.

A teacher teaches, a parent parents. A parent can parent effectively or ineffectively.

I share your annoyance and I think, for me, it's exacerbated by the fact that it's, not always but too often, used by people on here to actually mean "raise your child in the way I consider to be the only acceptable one - I can't be bothered to justify or even explain my views on this, so I will act as if there is a shared understanding of what I mean, and that I am unequivocally right!"

Also often accompanied by sweeping generalisations about whole swathes of society who, according to the poster in question, are failing to behave in the way said poster has decreed they should......

(I am definitely not in any sense trying to have a go at anyone on here, or say that everyone using parent as a verb does it like this. I am talking about irritating, sanctimonious, and often quite prejudiced behaviour I have seen on other threads. )

I’m with you op. I think it’s because when I was younger it wasn’t used at all, and also because when it is used it’s a bit annoying or the people who use it are annoying.

When teachers use it’s annoying because we only have to use it when there are problems, conversely the parents who use it are, IME, into ‘gentle parenting’ and thus also annoying and potentially smug as well as ineffective. Ironically the parents who talk about ‘parenting’ are quite often the ones that aren’t doing enough of it.

I have the exact same feeling for the word nursing used outside of the hospital context. It makes my teeth itch and I breastfed for years so I heard it much more than I cared to hear it.

So I don’t feel the same as you about the verb parent but I understand the feeling.