Four year old struggling with meltdowns, sleep and eating, seeking possible causes

[Givemepickles]

Has anyone experienced anything like this and can suggest the cause? Basically my older DS is 4 years old and he is just not a happy child and never has been. By that I mean emotionally he's all over the place. He wakes up in a bad mood and has regular meltdowns throughout the day. He struggles with everyday things like dressing and eating. Getting him somewhere is very stressful. He injures himself a lot. He roars and screams at me and his little brother. He is also violent towards me. He used to self harm when upset and hit his head hard on the ground but now it's mostly on me. His behaviour is much worse when he's hungry but it's also really hard to get him to eat. I'm still spoon feeding him at 4 years old because he simply will not eat otherwise. Once a hunger meltdown starts it's full on and no stopping it so I have to feed him it feels like. He won't just eat if he's hungry enough.

He is on the pathway for referral to the Child Development Centre but that is taking ages. I just feel a 4 year old should generally be happy? My child is crying before he's even got up in the morning and telling us not to look at him. Is this normal because DS2 is nothing like this.

He often needs to be physically dragged around as he won't walk eg from the middle of the road. He often has meltdowns after pre school and after an outing. This is pretty much every day and has been since he was a baby. Exciting events like parties are especially challenging.

Could this be a physical issue? Mental health? Neurodiversity? The GP won't do a blood test annoyingly. He has a multi vitamin each day.

His sleep is erratic. He often wakes in the night for hours. Sometimes he's up at 5am, other days it's later. He struggles to get to sleep some nights too. He definitely needs more sleep but seems unable to stay asleep.

Has anyone experienced this type of behaviour? I am struggling so much with this day in day out.

Hi op, have you looked into Pp-Pans pandas

Sounds like he’s got a little bit of the tism

Hi no I haven't heard of that
Do you have experience of it? I'll do some googling

His communication is good. Nursery haven't flagged anything. He doesn't have special interests more than regular 4 year olds. I think some sensory issues match with autism but not social and communication. He's really social and makes friends easily. He takes turns and shares. He doesn't like being touched or hugged though. He never hugs or kisses.

That sounds so hard!! I have a 4 year old boy and I done regular childcare for both my nephews when they were 4 and have never experienced any of those behaviours. I do hope you get some help and support soon

Hi! This sounds rough. He sounds a little like like my son in some ways (just turned 5) who we suspect has ADHD so I appreciate it makes parenting into a real puzzle. With DS we kind of know when he gets up/before he gets up what kind of day it's going to be, e.g. if it takes him ages to get out of bed, if he gets up briefly before returning to bed...you know it's going to be challenging (these are the days he also tends to do lots of rolling on the floor, continuous high pitched nonsense/noises, poor listening, and emotional outbursts)

Do you have any ND in the family at all?

Not all ND people have special interests or speach problems

I wasnt diagnosed- with the start of my serious of diagnosis's until my 30's - Im in my 60's now and just had yet another label attached

I was very miserable as a child because I didnt know what I was supposed to do. I just never understood I was always on the outside watching - for clues as to how I was to behave , act , what I was supposed to do

But back then there were no diagnoses, and you got a belt if you misbehaved

Speach problems were picked up when I was around 12/13. . But still, again there was no idea of autism or dyslexia , I was treated as stupid. They couldn't keep me in school , yet I left with O'levels

Your child sounds like he too is very confused.

A strict routine helps me , even now I need to have the day planned . I need to know my first alarm is @5am so I can his the snooze , and second goes off 20 mins later which give me time to wash, dress and hot the road. Even if I wake an hour before, I dont start getting ready till 5.20. I have to be in work by time Pause for Thought ends , I have to have my coffee and smoke at the exact same time I need to be in the car to come home at such a time, I walk the dog at that time, I start dinner at that time ( that can throw up more issues , if I decide Im cooing a roast dinner - serving @7.30pm but ~I cant start cooking till 6;60pm lol.

Set routines for him. Morning and evening routines, to the clock and see how he responds

Oh my goodness the rolling! My son does that too, all day long. I've never heard anyone else mention it. He also likes crashing into things and hiding under big cushions but the rolling is what he does most. It's like he can't stand up.

A puzzle is exactly it. I've been trying to solve this puzzle for years now. It's like he needs routine and structure but he cannot cope with routine and structure. He wants excitement and almost can't operate without excitement but he also can't cope with it and is a wreck for days after.

I also know from the second he wakes up. Its so hard isn't it. Though it often can come out of nowhere too. When the health visitor came to see him recently he acted like an angel while she was here then completely collapsed when she left screaming, head butting me, thrashing around on the floor. I'm at a loss what to do to help him. We have a spinning chair, a wobble cushion and chewy jewellery. They help a bit like 10% maybe.

I am diagnosed ADHD and I do feel similar to him but I struggle to feel my diagnosis is real and not just an excuse but that's a me thing.

Is your DS in school? Has that helped at all? I was wondering about blood tests to see if he's low in something but GP won't test.

Thank you. It's actually reassuring to hear its not just me being dramatic to normal 4 year old behaviour. My other DS is so stable and composed compared to DS1 and it seems mad for a 2 year old to feel like a walk in the park compared to a 4 year old.

Hello! Haha yes my son also loves to get under a cushion/have someone gently sit on him. When he was at nursery they said his interest was "climbing into small spaces".

Yes, he's a summer baby so started reception last September a few weeks after turning 4. It's been pretty bad, to be honest. They've done a referral to an early intervention kids mental health service for him. Mainly because of meltdowns around going into school at the start of the day but also because of difficulty with transitions in general/being quite emotionally reactive. He doesn't have bad tantrums at home particularly but he's had some at school, which I guess is kind of helpful in a way that they can see there is something going on.

With my DS you just can't seem to wear him out. Like he's been out at the park and beach all day from 9am-3pm and he's still leaping off the sofa. I do think it's a sensory need not just an excess of energy, at this point.

We think ADHD because of the hyperactivity but also because he has problems with processing verbal info (we think) and also potentially impulsivity, we've just bought an airtag for him as he's continually running off. Not because he's being bad, but because he's seen a tree half a mile away across a field he wants to climb, for example, and doesn't hear me calling him. His little sister is often with us which makes it harder to respond when he runs off.

Interesting that you have a diagnosis...when were you diagnosed? Was it as an adult ? I'm hoping if we find out early with DS then we can properly support him.