Would you homeschool your child if you were not educated yourself?

[toomuchheatnow]

My daughter is due to be assessed by a paediatric Neoro Disability specialist this week for potentially autism/adhd.
She has been a completely different child since the summer holidays and admits it’s just the pressure of school.
Without fail every day after school she would explode as soon as she got home and meltdown, scream, hit and her behaviour had become out of control, even school were saying she’s not able to mask it as well anymore.

Since the summer holidays it’s been like a different child, no meltdowns at all, no screaming, no yelling or violence and no anxiety.
She is eating which is normally an issue we have to feed her or she will meltdown, she has got up and dressed every morning when usually we have a battle and have to help her in and out of her school clothes but she just looks like the weight of the world has been lifted, the anxiety and stress of school just gone and she’s happy.

I also had the same struggles but as an early 80s child I was not diagnosed until recently so I when I wasn’t able to pay attention in class I was excluded from school and I just had no education.

I know not going to school would make her happy but I don’t know if I could educate her very well with no education myself and I believe I have LD.

I am so torn between sending her back to school knowing she just isn’t functioning there or learning and seeing the transformation in her when she is not in that environment, not masking all day until she explodes.

I learned a lot along the way from life, books, internet and experience even if I didn’t learn anything at school and only went for a few years.

She does have support from the SENCO but it’s not enough to be affective.

I wouldn't no. Unless I could afford private tuition, or had extra support in the way of friends/family with a specialist subject they could teach each or managed to join an established HE group who divide the subjects amongst the adults. You mention having LD yourself, would you be able to provide the necessary documentation the LA need as proof of home schooling?

How old is she? Have you considered other potential avenues?

How old is she?

schools don’t always do a great job educating children with autism/adhd especially if there are learning difficulties as well.

it’s usually better to try to get adjustments made by the school as homeschooling can be tricky

She is 8.

She has had all the adjustments she can have now, she has maximum quiet time but 5 or 10 minutes twice a day in the thick of things doesn’t make a lot of difference, she has ear defenders but it didn’t make any difference.
She just isn’t coping and as the years go by it’s worse, she’s struggling academically as it is and bullied.

I think I would struggle - I always made my autistic daughter cry when I tried to help her with homework! I do know of an online school Online primary school | Key stage 2 curriculum with King's InterHigh. You have to pay £4.5K a year though for full-time (I think there is part-time too). Don't know your circumstances, but perhaps that could be an option?

Absolutely not.

Yeah this sounds like the school are bullshitting you.

there isn’t a limit on adjustments.

does she have an EHCP? Does she ever meltdown in the classroom? TA support?

We homeschool our granddaughter, she's 14 now . She went to primary school and was fine until year 6, she was really unhappy and we struggled to her in. She started senior school but really struggled, we made the decision to home school her . She's a different kid now , we bought the text/ work books that she needed and she does some work everyday. She enjoys various sports and plays in a girls football team.

No I wouldn’t, and I came to this conclusion when my DC was experiencing some quite significant issues within school and HS seemed like the only option at that time. However, having done the research, I realised that I just wasn’t qualified to give them the full and rounded education that they needed; money was also not abundant and I do think you need to have a certain amount of income to ensure you can provide lots of experiences and enrichment.

If I had a specific reason why my kids weren't happy in school.
And thanks to the government, you can't assume all teachers are well qualified in their subjects-friends tell me good, experienced teachers are "managed out" because they're too expensive, and have the knowledge and experience to challenge things which harm rather than hurt education, and my kids have been left with TAs rather than qualified teachers for some lessons (so instead of learning a subject, got sent to play on computers and it WASN'T the language they were supposed to be learning).
No disrespect to all the wonderful teachers and TAs I know there are-I'm complaining about the system that doesn't let you do what you need. So my point in that schools are far from perfect OP, so in certain circumstances I don't blame parents wanting to homeschool. I couldn't anyway because of work, but for my kids, I think they benefit overall from school, but we all know our own situation.

She's being bullied? Poor child, I'd be livid with the school for allowing that to happen.

In the circumstances, I'd have no hesitation in taking her out of school and home educating. She is struggling so much already and there's no point in her being at school when it causes her so much distress. How can she learn anything in that environment?

No, not unless it was an absolute last resort.

I have a postgraduate degree and wouldn't consider it without the help of professional tutors. Regardless of my level of education, I don't have a PGCE and I'm not educated in every part of the curriculum (not so much an issue during the primary stage, but I wouldn't be confident teaching GCSE maths!).

That doesn't sound right at all. Does she have an EHCp? Are there any other options for local schools that might meet her needs?

Are you confident advocating for her, pushing for and attending meetings and putting across your case? If not, is there anyone who can help you with this?

There is no shame in struggling with this system. I have a child with SEN and getting the right support in place can be a battle. My friend has dyspraxia and dyslexia and needed her parents to take the lead when her son was struggling. If you have no friends/family that could help, try looking for a local SEN parent group for support.

I think Schools are held up as some sort of wonderful option,however they are often anything but! I would look at HE seriously and see what you think

Yes with the bullying it’s boys and they just get 5 mins off lunch break and then carry on.
She tells me and then the teachers say yes but it’s been dealt with but it doesn’t stop the behaviour.

She doesn’t have any friends which is partly her choice as she prefers her own company but the boys gang up on her.

I home educate my 5 children,we have LA visits yearly there are lots and lots of resources out there for home ed parents,groups,online,even a home education camp during the summer holidays,gcse are not compulsory although my children will be doing there's.(we will pay for these our self's meaning my children can do there gcse's over a few years rather then all of them together over a few weeks)
OP you can work at your child's level and for as long as needed,as a home educator you do not need to follow the national curriculum.
We use things like reading eggs and maths seeds,ttrockstars,twinkl for maths and English.
My dd12 can speak 4 languages and understand patios fluently,we are currently having flight lessons as she would like to be a pilot.

Yes, I considered it for DS although both his dad and I have postgrad degrees so didn’t feel it would be too difficult to support him ourselves.

DS was bullied in secondary school and then diagnosed as autistic. However, he is extremely capable academically and is highly motivated. During Covid, he was still at Primary school and he started teaching himself Russian and Japanese as school didn’t set much homework.

Since the diagnosis, school have really stepped up and he’s spent a lot of this year focussed on his music, making new friends with kids from other schools and playing in a couple of bands and he’s so much happier.

There is a lot of online support for children being home schooled so in your shoes, I’d give it serious consideration.

Personally, I wouldn’t EHE. Instead I would pursue further support. I would request an EHCNA. More support can be provided in school even without an EHCP but certainly with. If it was inappropriate for provision to be made in a school, there are other options without having to electively home education. The reason I wouldn’t EHE is an EHCP can provide more support, including therapeutic support, than the vast majority of parents can afford to fund themselves.

It’s really difficult but I have to weigh up that she’s not really getting an education as it is at school as she’s not learning a lot and not getting the benefit of socialising so although I may not be able to educate her to the standard of teachers, I can try and protect her MH at home and teach a happy child what I can.

Then again I was born before we had a traceable footprint so I managed to blag my way along and wing a lot of things and didn’t really notice the disadvantage of not actually being educated.

I've been in your situation 3 times.

I know i couldn't home educate my dc.

All 3 ended up attending independent specialist school.

She can have many more adjustments than that. Does she have an ECHP?

Sounds like school are massively failing her (and I’m loathed to ever say this as I’m in education!)
Are you regularly in touch with the senco? Does your dd have an ehcp?

No. My ASD child is very good at maths and I don't think I could teach her. Adjustments at school have benefited her greatly

To be honest, it seems to me that now is the time for the absolute last resort, at least for the remainder of primary school.

The school is not providing anywhere near enough support to manage her needs, and they are allowing her to be bullied. She cannot cope with mainstream school with the support (sod all by the sound of it) that she's currently getting.

She's 8. No point in talking about GCSE maths yet.

OP one thing to try before you home school - something that really helped DS at this age was coming home for lunch. School didn't love the idea but it gave him a chance to decompress and it would get your dd away from the bullies at what is probably the worst time. It made a huge difference to him and really helped to break up the day so it didn't feel so long. Definitely worth considering IMO.

The other thing I would do is that if her anxiety is sky high keep her off and tell school she is off sick with anxiety. It needs to be worded like this so it is marked as authorised illness.

I think though if that doesn't help and she still isn't coping then at the end of the day she is likely to end up burning out in Secondary school and school refusing (if not sooner). There's absolutely no point in pushing her to that point.

What are your finances like OP? Obviously if you can afford a small private school or online school or some tutors then it's easier then trying to do it all by yourself.

She definitely should have an EHCP, does she have one?

This might be helpful OP:

https://notfineinschool.co.uk/families