Page 2 | How often do you see friends and family that moved away?

Rewis · 2026-08-09T19:28:34+00:00

Me and my bf are talking about moving (few hour flight). I am struggling with the idea of leaving friends and family behind cause I know that it will be somewhat of an end of those relationships. I will go "back home" few times a year. Close friends and family will come for a visit in the first few years but that's it. There will be active phone calls with immediate family but contact with friend will slowly be reduced to an annual meet up when I'm visiting family. Extended family will be seen at funerals etc. My bf thinks people will visit all the time and it is not some sort of permanent goodbye. I think he is overly optimistic. My question is, how often do you friends and family that moved away? Am I being overly pessimistic?

Unblushingly · 10/08/2026 10:46

Rewis · 10/08/2026 10:35

I dont think he was dismissing my concerns. I think he is just being naive and unrealistic and trying to "comfort" me when I was bringing this up in the cons column. Yes, we are taking our time to think about this (and already have for a long time) as we will both be the only people we know. I just kind of needed the reassurance that my social circle is not asocial weirdos but people usually do lose touch. Life also changes at home aswell, so many friendships have reduced to annual meeting (if that) eventhough we live few miles apart, it is same but different.

It's not clear what you want to achieve from this post, though. If you don't want to move a flight away from your friends and family, don't.

I've moved internationally several times, and am still very happily in touch with friends from different places -- only the ones who became close friends of the heart, though. We go on holiday annually with friends we last lived in the same place with in 1998, for example. I've seldom lived on the same continent as my closest friend since 2002.

Original poster

Rewis · 10/08/2026 11:00

LemonSnail · 10/08/2026 10:43

I think a big factor is even with a good friend who I see every couple of weeks I would not necessarily want to visit them for a whole week or whatever.

Not talking abou my situation but just in general. But I feel like this is more the thing than actually the trouble of visiting. It is one thing to meet a friend for dinner, another to spend the whole weekend or week with them. There are very few people i enjoy that with. One of my oldest friends moved to SA. I would love to visit and she wants me to come over, but i can't do a week in her flat. Can do a hotel but that would be a bit weird for her and we would still see eachother everyday which is more than we are used to. Similar with a friend who lives in Austria, have visited when she lived alone but now that she has a husband and small child, it seems less attractive. My brother and SIL dream of moving to Australia but they hate guests in their house and they especially hate overnight guests so would have to budget for hotel and having all food out etc.
Same with going visiting family. It is one thing to have lunch with in-laws. It is another to spend several days with them 😅

OP posts:

aintnothinbutagstring · 10/08/2026 11:01

I'm the one that moved away and yes friendships from where I lived fell away but that started to happen once I had my dd and was still living there. I see siblings at least yearly, same with parents but I dont spend every holiday going to see them nor would I expect them to do that with me. I dont regret moving away as I think I have had better job opportunities here and my children a much better education where we live now.

Original poster

Rewis · 10/08/2026 11:03

It's not clear what you want to achieve from this post, though. If you don't want to move a flight away from your friends and family, don't.

What I wanted to achieve from this post was finding out how often people visit friends and family that moved away. And if my assumption of it being rarely was being pessimistic or realistic. People started to comment on the actual moving part and my relationship and it was my mistake to respond to those and derail.

OP posts:

Unblushingly · 10/08/2026 11:06

Rewis · 10/08/2026 11:00

Not talking abou my situation but just in general. But I feel like this is more the thing than actually the trouble of visiting. It is one thing to meet a friend for dinner, another to spend the whole weekend or week with them. There are very few people i enjoy that with. One of my oldest friends moved to SA. I would love to visit and she wants me to come over, but i can't do a week in her flat. Can do a hotel but that would be a bit weird for her and we would still see eachother everyday which is more than we are used to. Similar with a friend who lives in Austria, have visited when she lived alone but now that she has a husband and small child, it seems less attractive. My brother and SIL dream of moving to Australia but they hate guests in their house and they especially hate overnight guests so would have to budget for hotel and having all food out etc.
Same with going visiting family. It is one thing to have lunch with in-laws. It is another to spend several days with them 😅

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OK, but that's you and your inability to tolerate seeing very much of people. Again, what do you want from this thread? If you only want to see your friends for a lunch or a drink every week or two, and they're not people you would naturally have long phone conversations with, or want to see enough to see them in a concentrated way for a week or so, then, yes, those friendships are unlikely to survive.

So, if you don't want to make this move, don't. What would be the advantages of your new location for you?

WhatNoRaisins · 10/08/2026 12:58

It inevitably changes things when you go from being able to do something casual like go for a coffee without much notice to only be able to travel long distance for a trip that's been planned in advance. I've also found as I've got older that my tolerance for things like spending nights on a friend's sofa have gone down.

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 10/08/2026 13:27

We are the ones who moved. Both sets of parents dead. We go back and see bil and sil fairly regularly. Other bil occasionally. Last saw our big group of friends pre covid. Our dc moved, see one maybe every 6 months other one (who lives abroad) similar.