Why, so some mothers abuse daughters ? It's really the Why I want to get to

[NewLeafNewStart]

I understand what the abuse is
Pitting you against siblings, gas lighting, comparison, chronic criticism, competing with you, smear campaigns, spreading lies and rumors etc, trying to divide and rule etc, controlling
Telling you things people have supposedly said about you etc

I get this is all abuse

But what instill can't figure out is why ?
I'm sure people will say doesn't matter why, but that's what I'm actually interested in,

I know all you can really do is distance physically and mentally, and accept this will never change

I have a gut feeling its insecurity and envy maybe internalised misogyny
But interested in other thoughts as to why they can be like this

I'm so sorry for all the daughters who have not had the best mothers. I have the most lovely mother but sadly father hasn't been the father I wish he could have been. Looking at my daughter, I could never put a foot wrong (no mother is perfect I know), but I love my daughter with all my heart and I would give my life for her and only wish for the very best for her. I can't comprehend how other mothers can treat their daughters cruelly. When I see little children when I'm out and about, they are so beautiful and innocent and they only deserve the best we can give.

This

I had to be held up to her high standards (that she certainly didn't live up to herself) and be the person that she wanted me to be

The only problem was,the goalposts kept moving

No matter how hard I tried,it was never enough

As a child,I was pulled apart for not being clever (I have dyslexia) not having loads of friends (she would cause issues with the ones I had) being bullied (my own fault) trying to have hobbies (wasn't allowed to go horse riding or had the piss taken as I loved reading)

As an adult,she caused issues with friendships,pulled my figure apart ('god you are fat' coming from her,that was rich-i was a size 12/14,she was a size 34) or taking the piss out of my clothes/shoes/make up ('what DO you look like?')

I wasn't to be into something like kids are (I loved my little pony so she got rid of them) or reading (she burned my books) and I 'had' to like whatever she decided I had to spend my money on ('get fit girl!' Sporty set and a netball hoop-i hated sport)

She'd think nothing of going into my room and binning whatever she felt like binning-even if I'd bought it myself and if you wanted rid of something (that you'd bought with your own money) and she didn't want to get rid of it,she'd scream in your face that 'I've spent money on that!'

She has no hobbies (unless you count watching every soap on the tv) and will take the piss out of anyone who does have a hobby

She will sabotage anything that matters to you-she once 'accidentally' tipped black coffee over my cross stitch chart and took another finished cross stitch (she didn't ask,she just took it to frame it) and 'accidentally' cut it in half

It's like her brain cant cope with anyone having anything nice-she went through a stage of nicking my house key and would let herself in to steal stuff from my house because 'you buy better brands than I do' (and went mental when I stopped her by taking her key from her so she started trying to get my kids to smuggle things out-shed give them a list)

She will spend money,but only on herself,if anyone else needs something she's suddenly skint

Think if you don't think thay way, it impossible toget your head around it
I've healed alot but shouldn't have had to spend years healing

Say she saw a case if child abuse in the paper she ysed to make a big performance of saying oh no, I couldn't possibly read that, I don't have the stomach for it etc
While being abusive herself....

key word performance

I've never known one or heard of one that was generous

I think most are abusive because of their own issues, often they don't recognise that it is abuse as they only see it from their own perspective and don't think or care about the other person's experience. Abusers are always deeply damaged unhappy people regardless of sex.

Guess I can only conclude this with the main thought in my head, just be glad you don't understand it

Support and solidarity to all that have experienced this
None of us are alone in dealing with it and its way more common that society would like to admit💐

Envy, jealousy also a warped version of wanting daughter to never fully spread wings. Want to hold on to them but not in a healthy or normal way.
And there's a big element of they can get away with it and daughters tend to be easy targets.

Filling years of trying to answer this question myself but with my dad - because some people are dickheads, and some of these dickheads are evil dickheads who enjoy it. Thats it.

"often they don't recognise that it is abuse"

Funny you should say that. I know it's going to sound crazy, but - my mum died almost three years ago and at the time I contacted a lot of mediums/phsychics. 99% of them were rubbish but there was one ...She cottoned on straight away that we didn't have a good relationship and said my mum 'Didn't know how toxic she was,' and that she was so sorry and asked for my forgiveness. (I haven't been able to do that yet.) I don't know why my mum was the way she was to me, by her own admission her mum was the best ever. However, I do know she felt let down by her dad. He never abused her or hit her though.

I remember she stopped me from going to college

School wasnt for education,it was childcare (education was a waste of everyone's time especially for girls)

She claimed she couldn't afford for me to go to college,but when the time came for my brothers to go,the money was there

When I turned 33,I decided to go and do my best (if I failed,I failed)

By the time I turned 36 (applied at 33,stepped through the doors at 34 and finished at 36) I'd passed with flying colours-id passed every exam and was so proud of myself-nobody could take those qualifications away

She went scorched earth on me-id stolen her dream and was gloating about it in her face (bollocks,i was nc with her by then) I'd only passed by doling out blow jobs to the tutors (they where all female)and I'd cheated at my exams (I worked fucking hard)

She had,a few years earlier had the chance to get her English and maths qualifications but quit 3 weeks in as she couldn't be bothered-all my fault as I'd told her to quit (I hadn't at all,in fact i told her to for for it)

I actually had people chase me down to street to scream that I'd 'broken her heart' and 'how dare you rub it in?'

All because I'd gained 2 qualifications (that mean the world to me) and she has none as she cant be bothered to put the work in