Would you leave your near 18yo home alone for 10 nights?

[violetblue25]

Ds Would be nearly 18 and likely have driving license (this is for next summer). He’s autistic but extremely sensible, rule bound, highly highly intelligent so literally remembers everything he’s ever been told and sticks to it. Mainstream school and college. Hates holidays with a passion - too changeable and unfamiliar and too many people so obviously doesn’t want to come. Is good around the house and very tidy. Doesn’t really have an active social life outside of online gaming as it just isn’t his thing. My main worry is leaving him and him being lonely plus food as he’ll only eat beige over and over. And just the autism factor really. Lots of relatives within 30 mins but doesn’t need ‘looking after’ if that makes sense. No siblings at home or near. He wants to be left alone and we have done for 1 or 2 nights here or there and it’s been fine (would probably do a 3/4 night trip between now and then as a taster. Wwyd?

Yes.

Yes, as long as support nearby.

if he has a sensible friend, maybe allow them to stay over for a day or two for company ?
Could you do a practise run and go away for 2 nights somewhere as see how he copes.

Yes, but as you're worried about him being lonely keep in touch by messaging - pragmatic messages if open questions and "news" aren't going to interest him.

Maybe get one of your nearby relatives to extend a Sunday lunch or similar invitation in the middle of the ten days to interrupt the beige food and solitude.

Sounds perfectly fine though. mine is going on an inadequatly planned free form three week driving holiday with mates around Europe 🫣 great fun for him hopefully, "living his best life" as they say, but terrifying obviously. He is 18 though, not nearly, so it's entirely up to him... 😱

We’re doing similar next year, same set up with a DS with ASD, except he’ll have just turned 18 and it’s for 14 nights! He’s just not keen on holidays, finds the new people, new routines etc etc tricky and is just happier at home with the dog and his gym.

We’ve already arranged for his uncle to be on standby if he needs a “grown up” but he’s an hour away. It’s more a just in case

Oh and I expect there will be lots of beige food!

Thanks all.
10 days is a particular holiday we have our eye on. Can’t find a shorter one that works.
no guarantee he will have passed his driving test but fingers crossed. Doesn’t need to drive to be alone but handy. Having said that will just uber eats or order food online anyway!
family will def have a few structured lunch dates if asked and dS is amenable - although he’ll get annoyed if he thinks they’re checking up on him!
if we set rules of ‘tell no friends you are alone / don’t have anyone over’ - he is (currently) highly unlikely to go against it. But you never know. He always talks about how he doesn’t understand why anyone would have gatherings in their own house as it’s too stressful. He also doesn’t really do a traditional social life and doesn’t seem to get bored of his own company so it’s hard to judge what’s normal for him.

Yes - very similar!! DS hates travel, sees no point in it and just likes his usual routine!

Meant to also add - will def be easy to contact and do daily phone / video chats

I mean, at 17, I lived on my own an 8 hour drive from my parents. 😂 I guess my only concern would be if his autism would throw up any risks that would make it unsafe. I expect mine to have moved out to go to uni by 18. Only concern about leaving her at home is that she is very scatter brained. I’d be worried about her burning the house down. But I’m sure she would be fine herself.

I would, but just to warn you a friend of mine got reported to SS for doing exactly what you describe (17, nearly 18, autistic but but high functioning in mainstream college) the college reported her. SS took no further action after talking to her, but I was shocked by the actions of the school.

Yes.

to be honest I left my similar sounding dd at an earlier age because she didn’t like holidays.

This is literally absurd given that in Scotland 17 years olds go away to uni!

where I live I would say that the risk of a car crash on the way to the airport is a higher one than a baddie breaking in to our house

I left mine for 4 nights at 17 and the only reason not longer is because she was worried about getting too lonely. But safety wise there isn’t an issue especially if there is someone near that could provide assistance if needed.

Not really - the title is misleading as it doesn't mention autism.

I was referring to the post I quoted…

My only concern is that he might feel lonely. But because he's not been alone for so long, thus far, he may not realise this

Lol, I must concentrate more 😁 thanks.

Mine is higher needs which errs me towards caution.

I am nervous 10 days is a lot, especially if he resists human contact for that long. I would maybe present it to him that keeping going with talking to people & interacting is part of looking after yourself properly, so it is something that he needs to do like feeding himself. I wouldn't be too worried about the beige food aspect, more that he might go into hibernation mode or find problems he could not reach out and get help for. For example we left ours for a weekend (with his sister) and the kitchen bin started smelling so he took the rather sledgehammer route of stopping going into the kitchen. It was fine, but it could have been a huge problem if he'd been left alone for 10 days. Providing adults to check in with is not enough if he can't articulate problems, or chooses not to because he is embarrassed, or knows he'll be given a solution he doesn't like (being told to take the smelly bin out). But your son might be completely fine at solving such problems in a "safer" way. You know him best. How often do you find yourselves having to sort out little problems like him leaving keys at home or in the front door, getting dysregulated and needing to be given food & drink? Could he reliably shut the house up every time he leaves and at night, or in practice would he forget, or end up not leaving the house because that feels like too big a burden?

Going into halls for uni is a fair challenge but being home alone in charge of a whole house is different to having a small room in a shared flat with someone else to sort the bin.

Hopefully driving test booking will get easier but I would say quite a small minority of DD's friends passed by their 18th birthdays recently. I imagine this varies quite a lot by peer group.

He’ll probably like having the house to himself.
just have food in the fridge and arrange a relative to check in that’s he’s getting on okay.

I would be concerned about friends/party house. From what you say, you don't think he would possibly invite people round, but there's so many cases of one person hearing that Sam's parents are away, let's pop round, and the next things there's hundreds there.
You know your son, and he might call the police in this situation. But as a general issue that you're asking advice on, that's what I'd worry about.

I know honestly I was surprised, SS seemed to take it seriously enough to follow it up as well and didn’t make it sound like they thought it was OTT.
This was Wales.

I would have no issue and actually could be a good experience for him to have before he goes to Uni

Yes would leave him. Have left 17 year old for 3 nights to look after pets and for one night when he was 16.

Sounds like a dream for him. 10 days of beige food, house to himself, game in his own world for days, not having to deal with anyone else. I would say yes

DS is autistic, he's older now but sounds very similar to your lad. I reckon I could have left him from about 12, he was probably more sensible than me by that point!!