Would you leave your near 18yo home alone for 10 nights?

[violetblue25]

Ds Would be nearly 18 and likely have driving license (this is for next summer). He’s autistic but extremely sensible, rule bound, highly highly intelligent so literally remembers everything he’s ever been told and sticks to it. Mainstream school and college. Hates holidays with a passion - too changeable and unfamiliar and too many people so obviously doesn’t want to come. Is good around the house and very tidy. Doesn’t really have an active social life outside of online gaming as it just isn’t his thing. My main worry is leaving him and him being lonely plus food as he’ll only eat beige over and over. And just the autism factor really. Lots of relatives within 30 mins but doesn’t need ‘looking after’ if that makes sense. No siblings at home or near. He wants to be left alone and we have done for 1 or 2 nights here or there and it’s been fine (would probably do a 3/4 night trip between now and then as a taster. Wwyd?

What exactly are you worried about? I would leave him, he sounds sensible/responsible and 10 days of beige food won't hurt as a one off.

Yes. Would have done it earlier as long as they were happy.

Sounds fine to me.

Yes, of course

Yes i left my Dd at 17 nearly 18 for over a week to go on holiday. I let someone close to us know Dd knew she could go. To them if there was any issues. She has dinner with them a few nights all was fine.

As long as he's happy to be left, I think this is fine.

Sounds like he can be trusted not to have parties? But also consider whether any 'friends' might try and take advantage of him to arrange one on his behalf if they find out he's home alone? One or two offer to come round to game with him but invite 20 others at the same time?

Will he be OK to call the relatives if he needs help with anything?

Would you be also able to check in with him by video call to make sure he's OK?

Sounds reasonable as long as he's OK with it. Don't rely on the driving licence as that's based on him passing his test after actually getting a test and lessons in time, I've heard there's big shortage problems.

Yes, I’ve left my 17 year old for a week though grandparents do live 5 mins away. I told them to leave him to it unless he asked, turns out he went over for dinner almost every night! He is also much less sensible than your son sounds, so you’re okay to leave him!

Would the relatives maybe have him for dinner a couple of nights just to stealthily check in with him?

I am in a very similar situation. For us, it's impossible to say a year ahead of time, but we are definitely considering a week away next summer with our other DC while the eldest (who sounds very like yours) would stay at home.
We will have to book fairly last minute.

For your DS, can some of the family members put the odd lunch date in ahead of time? I wouldn't worry too much about the beige food aspect of it.

I hope you get your holiday. From what you say, it sounds like your DS would manage well and no doubt get a great sense of achievement from living independently while you're away

This is a very good point about being somewhat vulnerable in terms of people coming over

Yes I would but I’d ask the family within 30 mins to pop by on day 3/6/9 under the guise of taking him out for dinner or company so he’s got someone to talk to and check in if he’s struggling. Depending on your son you could have an honest chat with him about the purpose of the visits.

Does it have to be ten days, wouldnt a week better?

We went away leaving DS2 (17yo) at home – this was for a week. He could have come but chose not to. He is not ND though.

We called every day and messaged as needed. The worst thing that happened was that a recipe he called me about trying did not work out and he had to bin it. Hardly terrible, in fact a learning experience (chick peas not fillet steak!).

He had a few mates over one night to watch a match. All good. House was clean and tidy when we got home.

I would say tho that I knew he would keep busy and be OK socially (local schoolmates on hand) tho he didn't drive at the time. I think maybe a friend who did (it was end of summer year 12/13) took them to their sports training. I might be concerned in your case @violetblue25 that your DS would get bored with a lack of social contact? But you could make sure you face-timed every day maybe?

DD no because her mental health in unpredictable
DS yes and we did leave him for a week while we went on holiday the day after his 18th birthday

I would if I could trust him not to have friends over all the time, even that I don’t mind but one of his mates parents went away so he had a “gathering” and about 50 people turned up!

Could you not make him food for a few days at least and also ask relatives to check in?

Uh yea. I mean my son has lived on his own since he was 18, so obviously no issue for me! And I wouldn’t say he’s the most sensible chap but he can handle most things!

Yes if he was happy with it and didn’t want to go.
my ds of a similar age actually loves being home alone in the peace.

My experience from DS2 ( slightly older when we did eleven days, but also autistic, though he did shorter periods from eighteen) was that it was absolutely fine, so long as properly scaffolded. For us this meant a week's plan with suggestions of what should happen when - bins, cleaning the bathroom, shopping to top up, doing the washing and any pre-planned activities. This included a suggested meal plan and shopping list. Then suggestions of who he could contact if necessary at the bottom.

It turned out to be a great experience for him as he coped brilliantly and felt much more independent. These days he needs far less scaffolding (apart from a reminder about bin day!)

I have an autistic adult ds and I wouldn't have left him aged 17, no. He would have been fine physically but too immature to deal with unexpected situations, and he would have got lonely. He is 27 now and still lives at home, and we have gone away on annual holidays without him in his 20s. There will be plenty of years to go away in the next decade and I wouldn't rush to leave him while he's legally considered a vulnerable child.

I’ve read OP twice and can’t see any reference to driving?

It’s a good point about making sure he doesn’t get taken advantage of by any ‘friends’.

I’m on the fence as I can’t see my ASD 12 year old ready to be left for 10 days. I’ve just started leaving him for half an hour with our builders on site, I know he wouldn’t do anything but has no idea what to do if something goes wrong. But he’s not in mainstream and has severe ADHD too.

A week may be more pertinent.

*in six years! I wouldn’t leave a 12 year old home alone 😂😂😂

It's literally the first line of the post. He 'will be nearly 18 and likely have driving license', indicating that he will be able to go out grocery shopping, take himself to school/college/work, visit friends/relatives etc etc. So that gives him under a year to take lessons and take his test and pass it.

But I keep reading about people not being able to find driving instructors or a test booking, let alone pass, hence my comment about not relying on him being able to drive if this is an important factor.