Ex-husband drinking heavily again and risking losing his second family

[ClawsandEffect]

Left ex husband 30 years ago because he was an alcoholic. He hit rock bottom, wasn't quite homeless but was living rough. He met a nice woman and got his drinking under control (I know, I know). He's flirted with drinking to excess again over the years but his wife has kept him on a tight rein. On one occasion, she threatened to kick him out and he straightened up.

But now he's out of control again. He's almost 70. He's risking her kicking him out (it's her tenancy). He'll have nothing, as an elderly man. What the fuck is wrong with him? He's lost one family and now he's about to lose another.

Seems like a him problem

Just don’t be lured into “rescuing” him.

Unless he then leans on the OPs kids to help him - then it becomes an OP problem! Urge him to get help if you are still on decent terms.

He prefers the drink to anything, it’s a story as old as time.

Tragic, but probably irredeemable at that age - unless anyone knows of any success stories??

As a recovering alcoholic, I’d say not your circus, not your monkeys. But it sounds like to me he is probably surrounded by people, at least his partner, possibly others who have enabled him. No one can keep you sober but you. If he’s managed to cling on and survive only because he’s been forced to ‘be good’ by his partner, that explains why he’s struggling so much and not sober now. He needs to do this himself or it’s never going to work. As everyone is seeing now. He’s what we’d call a dry drunk.

It’s absolutely not too late. I know loads of people who got sober in their 60s and 70s, but it has to be driven by him and he has to want it.

Well addictions aren't rational. There is a genetic component to it. There is a reason AA teaches them to say they are an alcoholic regardless of how many years they have gone without a drink.

My husband is alcohol dependent and there has been full blown alcoholism in his family leading to drinking themselves to death.

He loses control of it sometimes. It is never going to just go away entirely.

Not a chance. It'll impact the children we share though.

What's wrong with him is that he's an alcoholic. If his wife has managed to keep him off the drink for long periods she's probably kept him alive a lot longer than he would have otherwise lived. Most chronic alcoholics don't make it to 70.

"What's wrong with him..." he is addicted to alcohol.

You can't save him.

Might be useful for you and your children to access support with alanon.

She's never managed to totally keep him off it. But she's controlled how much he drinks.

She'll kick him out if he doesn't sort himself out, and at his age, he can't live the way he was before they got married. He has never been able to cope successfully with real life.

Just make sure your kids don't get landed with him

What's wrong with him is that he's an addict and he's never recovered.