4 yo little sister wants to copy big brother

[Furrystripytiger]

Daughter turns 4 in a few weeks. Absolutely idolises her brother, suddenly she wants everything like him. She wants to wear his clothes, she wants to be “scary,” she wants to cut her hair, pretends her teeth are wiggling and wants to show me. Is this a phase? We just had a raging strop because I wouldn’t let her wear big brother’s ninja suit to bed (it’s too bloody hot!)

She’s always happily played with dolls, imaginary play, stuffed animals. And her wardrobe is 95% pink and purple rainbow and unicorns. Is this a 4 yo thing? She’s refusing all of her clothes and only wants things with dragons and such. We’ve been letting her wear smaller shirts from her brother but im not keen on buying her a new wardrobe.

Shes ant the age where they start to realise they are their own person and can have their own style.

Like everyone else they use a role model as a guide to experiment with who they are / want to be.

Good idea to allow her to wear some of her brothers own clothes.

Tell her when she outgrows her current clothes they can be replaced with whatever she chooses and also suggest she asks first certain items for Christmas and birthdays.

Just bare in mind next week she’ll probably want to be a cat and the week after a princess 🤣

It is a 4 yr old thing, she’s got her own thoughts, feelings and opinions and want to make choices. Her big brother is the obvious role model to her. Obviously you can’t replace all her clothes etc, but she’s clearly decided she doesn’t want to be stereotypically ‘girly’ right now, and that’s fine, she doesn’t have to be. Gently explain that she can’t wear her brothers clothes because they are his, for him to wear, and he needs them himself, and they’d be too big for her. Maybe find a few bits on vinted etc so she’s got some less ‘pink & unicorns’ stuff for now, and then see what she’s into in a few months as and when she needs new clothes. The wobbly teeth thing is pure imaginary play, she idolises her brother and wants to do what he’s doing, it all sounds pretty normal to me.

I have an 8yo boy and a 6yo girl. When she was 3 she was happy with pink, sparkles, unicorns etc, but from about 4 she definitely wanted to be more like her brother. The majority of her wardrobe now comes from the boys section, she plays with pretty much all the same stuff he does. She still has her own likes and personality as well, but she definitely skews towards liking the typically boy coded stuff. I just get her what makes her happy, no point trying to force her into a pink dress if she hates it. Boys stuff tends to be more practical anyway!

My dd dressed as her brother (school uniform) on ‘dress like your hero day’!

Sounds pretty normal. And I can’t see why it’s a problem that she wants things with dragons instead of unicorns. Not saying you need to buy her a whole new wardrobe but presumably she’s growing pretty fast anyway and will need new stuff periodically.

They idolise their big siblings at this age, it is very cute.

I would let her have hand me downs from her brother and I am happy for DC to express their own clothing choices when I'm buying the next size up, but I wouldn't be replacing clothing which still fits and is in good condition.

I expect when she starts school it will get diluted because they tend to divide themselves along gendered lines there.

I was in Dunelm today and they have some gorgeous dinosaur bedding in at the moment. When I walked past the display I was thinking how much my dd would have loved that at your dd's age.

What are you concerned about?

Why is 95% of her wardrobe pink and purple? Did she choose those clothes or did you?

FWIW my DD used to wear her brothers’ hand me downs at that age and looked super cute in camo trousers or baggy jeans with a My Little Pony t shirt! She should be able to mix and match stereotypical girly clothes with things her brother wore if you still have them. Boys’ clothes can be a lot more practical than girls’ too.

Obviously wearing a ninja costume to bed is silly but there’s no reason she shouldn’t be allowed to wear it tomorrow.

If you can’t afford new clothes, then that’s the end of it really, but maybe there would be enough hand me downs from her sibling, if you can afford a little bit, get a bundle from Vinted. Changing what you like is normal at that age. My son lived all the things your daughter did (no older sibling), then liked something completely different as well. You can get toys and things for little money, and often free from local groups.

At 7 I was into train sets, action man, Lego and Mechano .
I’m very much female with a technical brain.
I was never into pink and fluffy and my parents had a relaxed approach to it (though they never tried to tell me I was anything other than a girl)
Just let her be herself- she’ll be fine .

Give her his hand me downs. Will save you a fortune

That is one of the cutest things I’ve ever read on here!

Sadly they grew into teenagers who squabbled all the time!!

Of course it’s perfectly normal. And you don’t need to buy her a new wardrobe, give her hand me downs and buy things she likes when she needs them just like you would if she was asking for unicorn everything. She’s allowed her own preferences.

Thanks, I wasn’t worried exactly, when she was a baby I dressed her in fairly neutral clothes (I myself am not such a frilly girly girl) but for the past year she’s been mad about unicorns, unicorn everything: shirts, jumpers, leggings, etc. So I thought we had it all sorted! And now she absolutely refuses it all and only wants to look “scary”

I am happy to support her in being who she is, I do wonder whether I should intervene a bit (or when to intervene), as she now no longer answers for herself (do you want milk or water) and asks her brother instead what he wants and then chooses that! I reckon it’s good for expanding her horizons a bit (she had egss this morning, which she previously didn’t lik, because he said he was eating them!) but I also want her to know it’s okay to be her own person and make her own choices? I suppose that’s my “worry”, if that makes sense? And I don’t know how far along I should go with it, she says she wants a boy haircut, that just feels sort of drastic to me, especially since the copying her brother phase seems to have begun overnight. In a month maybe it will be something else?

Don't worry, it will be a phase. She won't want to be like him forever. She can still explore what she likes while trying this out.

With the hair, I would explain to her that you can cut hair shorter, but you can't cut it long again if you don't like it, you have to wait for it to grow and it can take months. But I would let her have it short if she is OK with this.