Feeling a bit fragile after DD’s operation

[Rainallnight]

DD came down with appendicitis last Monday night. She had her appendix out during the week and we spent two nights in hospital. It was all pretty straightforward though she is adopted with some emotional needs so needed a bit of support to get through it.

We are lucky that it was caught early and she’s making a good recovery now.

HOWEVER, I do not feel right at all. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all. DP and I are supposed to be going out for a friend’s birthday dinner tomorrow night - much loved babysitter is booked but I just can’t face the idea of leaving DD at all.

I feel like we’ve been in this little bubble of trying fo get through the past week and I’m not ready to leave it.

Work feels like a lot as well.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for from this post. Just to get it out, I suppose and maybe to see if anyone has felt the same.

Also, I spent a lot of time in hospital when I was pretty much DD’s age and found it a bit traumatic so I think it’s dredged up a lot for me as well.

Thanks for reading if you d got this far!

In the greater scheme of things, appendicitis is a very minor thing although I know it doesn’t feel like it now, and I understand why you might feel the way you do.

How old is your daughter? Is she old enough that she could tell you whether she was happy for you to go out or not? If this is a babysitter she likes, as it seems to be, then she might like the chance to see someone else she likes for the first time in a week or so, it might even feel like a treat.

I do think you’re worrying a little too much about it, but I’ve been in a similar situation and do remember how it felt.

That’s the thing, I know it was so minor! And straightforward! And now over! So I know none of this is especially rational.

Your dd is probably less traumatised than you.
Be kind to yourself, if you want to skip the dinner I'm sure your friend will understand.

A lot of parental emotion isn’t rational though, don’t beat yourself up over it. As I say, I’ve been there - not appendicitis and not with a daughter with additional needs, but with the same reluctance to go anywhere - and the first time is the toughest.

Honestly, everything will be fine. But if you’re not feeling as though you can go, nobody will force you. Maybe see how you feel tomorrow if you’re not able to see what your daughter would say.

You're probably still processing it all, OP. It's only been a week and you probably went into a state of high alert and action when getting her to hospital to through the op. There's sometimes a bit of a down after that sort of event, I find, once the adrenaline has gone and you're not in high alert any more.

Go easy on yourself and pull out of this one, I'd say. If you're still feeling like this after a week or so, I'd be wary though and questioning whether it might have sparked some PTSD response in you.

My daughter is profoundly disabled and has had several major operations (the next one will be 9-10 hours long), and I would still be a mess if they ever had to take her appendix out too. It isn't minor holding your child while they go under anaesthetic, then having to walk out and leave them in the hands of strangers. It does shake you up, and like someone above said, I find it is like the adrenaline that's got you through it needs to leave your system and it can a bit of time once you're all home together again to be able to relax. I am always a bit jittery and unsettled too. Take care of yourself x

Appendicitis is minor but I guess there is something a little bit shocking about how it can be so sudden? I had it at summer camp overseas as a child. Had a weird stomach ache in the afternoon and by midnight I was going into emergency surgery, with the surgeon on the phone to my dad explaining that they obviously couldn't wait for him to fly out. It was super painful and I'd never had a surgery let alone an emergency one. Afterwards obviously it was all fine but it was still quite a jolt. It's a common illness and yet you somehow don't think it will be you. And hospital is never pleasant regardless of what you are in for. So although it's technically minor I feel like it has some of the ingredients of a trauma and it's not so strange to be affected by it.

I’ve been through this exact scenario too, last year, and I felt very similar. Yes it’s a routine and fixable problem but it’s a bolt from the blue that is really unsettling.

Absolutely normal to feel overwhelmed IMO. I think its probably not so much the operation which is usually straightforward, but the what could have happened if she hadn't got to hospital on time - it can be fatal, and that's probably at the back of your mind. Take care of yourself as well xx

when my son was 9 he had an accident and broke a bone that needed pinning in a long operation and ended up in hospital for 6 nights . I was very shaken up by this. Be kind to yourself. If you can’t face your friend’s dinner please explain how you’re feeling. You can’t stay in your bubble forever but these things are a big shock so take care of yourself.

My ds collapsed back in February and spent 1 nights hospital.

Admitted with suspected sepsis due to huge drop in BP and high CRP. Had CY, chest x ray, viral swab and urine tests. Really high temp and extreme shivering.

He came out and couldn’t wait to go back to swim training. (He didt straight away and then only slowly!)

I spent months trying f to get over watching him collapse and have a seizure and be unconscious.

(he has a neuro condition. Which may have contributed to his bodies overreaction to what’s likely a virus).

He’s 21!!!!

I think as a parent it’s natural to be more affected watching you child be ill rather than being ill.

And I’m far from being an overprotective parent or a drama queen. It was definitely a psychological response that I couldn’t control swim?

Be kind to yourself. Do what yoj thinks best for you and not just DD. If he’s a decent DH he’ll understand and either go alone or stay home with you.

If your DD is happy to be left could you shorten the evening of it helps your anxiety? Or agree you’ll stay for a max no of hours and the review - you can always extend it if everyone’s comfortable.

Yes, on the grand scheme of things appendicitis is a fairly routine op. Doesn’t make our physiological reactions any less.

It's partly the speed of it all isn't it? My little boy was under the weather one Sunday night, the next morning he was a bit worse but by that lunchtime he was very ill and being admitted with sepsis. He's profoundly disabled so we are used to more than our fair share of hospital trips but the speed with which sepsis hit left me feeling shaken for quite some time.

If you don't feel up to going out don't go, if I were your friend I would totally understand.

I think what you've dealt with in the last week or so is pretty traumatic. It's no wonder you feel shaken! Be kind to yourself. Cancel the night out if you don't feel up to it. It's ok to hunker down for a bit after a trauma. Look after yourself lovely 💐