I’m so overwhelmed with life

[whyyyyyisitmonddayy]

I’m 22. My life is pretty great. Grew up pretty privileged — we weren’t excessively wealthy, but my father had a boat, I was bought a pony for my birthday, had holidays abroad. I was a very lucky child, but some traumatic events meant that I developed awful anxiety at a teen.

ive completed my undergrad, about to finish my post grad, and I’m about to start a PhD in my field. I’m so excited for life but I’m so afraid of the future.

im also working two jobs. Im doing about 30 hours a week during a full time degree, with an hour commute to work and to uni, while caring for my aging childhood pony ( who is at home with me) and several other animals who I bought when life was easier. I’m volunteering for an academic org. As well, which I love, but it’s not easy juggling it all. I’m outgoing and confident on the outside but I want to crawl into the ground.

life gets easier, right? I’m so fucking drained right now. Tell me it gets easier!

Not really. It gets...different, pending relationships, responsibilities and resources.
Things outside your control e.g. health, bereavement, COL
You sound like you are juggling a lot of plates right now. The commute and caring responsibilities for the animals extending your days somewhat.
But at least you have a passion for your doctorate, I hope so.
You don't mention downtime. You need to prioritise/carve out some for yourself 💐
And...whatever you do, don't have kids!! 😉

I would say yes it gets easier, you go through a lot of change at this age and so much to learn plus the all the uncertainty about the future while you’re establishing a career. Eventually you’ll hopefully be able to carve out a life that feels a bit more balanced for yourself

🍿

If you are overwhelmed, cut down on things before it gets too much and just do what is most important.

If you tend to sign up to volunteer/do things and then regret it but feel obliged to continue, never sign up in the heat of the moment and give yourself 24 hours/48 hours/a week to think about it.

Honestly life gets harder with more responsibility but your resilience and perspective improve. I am so much more chilled out and less neurotic and self absorbed than I was in my early 20s.

But please enjoy being young!

There’s genuinely no way to cut down. I need the experience volunteering for my future career, as well as networking and supporting something amazing.

It’s a bit hard to enjoy being young when I am, in effect, working a 70 hour week with studying and work combined.

You’re only 22 and you’re doing so well with your achievements. But doing well and being a bit privileged (in financial background) doesn’t mean you cannot feel stressed and overwhelmed. You’re pushing yourself, you’re working hard. You’re also working against existing anxiety, and those feeling are a battle in themselves. None of that is easy.

This is my opinion as someone (age 29) who was raised completely differently (think pair of shoes for a birthday present, if I was lucky. Also, my family was chaos, but you may relate to that.).

You’re being hard on yourself for maybe expecting to be thriving when you’re under pressure right now. It’s ok to struggle, but it’s also good to utilise the right support networks and take a breather when needed, or even step away from a few responsibilities that you don’t need right now (e.g. charity org). You’re doing hard things, and that feels hard.

Life ebbs and flows when it comes to stress. This period will get better. Then something else will come along, but it will be different.

You’ve been spoilt, life throws us all changes, and by the sound of it, have great health to cope with it.
i married at 25, to someone with borderline Asperger’s, very difficult, a son 35 high functioning, estranged, his choice from family.
A successful 37 son, grandson 3, and a newborn, dil cancer twice, her mum both kidneys removed no transplant, as not free of cancer 2 yrs, her father just recently passed away, and myself moderate Parkinson’s, at 64,only my ex husband in reasonable health.
Lufe is full of the unexpected and no dress rehearsal, be kind, thoughtful, and appreciate what you have, it all could change suddenly

Worrying about tomorrow takes away today's joy, nothing is permanent and time management.

Take an A4 sheet of paper. Split into 4 a squares, number squares 1 - 4. In square one the most important things to do, in square 2 the second most important, in square 3, things that are not priority and square 4 non priority and can be done another tie. Things will move from square to square daily. Try iy. But time limits if necessary.

The future will take care of itself. It is what you do now that frames it.

What are you future PhD supervisors like? Will you be expected to be in every day, long days, how often will you have to submit written work, manuscripts, how many hours of demonstrating will you be doing each week, how much of the social life will you be expected to be involved in?

My advice is be realistic about how many "plates" you take on and what you'll get out of it. Some people think it's an admirable thing to soldier on with relentless plate spinning and I don't get it, it's often completely unrewarded and just makes people miserable.

Life may get harder but it may also get easier (or at least you are older and more resilient so it feels easier).

Doing a masters at 23/24 that included work placements while living in a flat share away from home was one of the most tiring periods of my life. Going to work and having 2 primary age kids has generally been easier.

It sounds like you’re carrying a huge amount for someone who is only 22, so I’m not surprised you feel completely drained. Sometimes when we’re ambitious and excited about the future, we forget that we’re still allowed to slow down and rest. I find having something completely separate from work or studying really helps me reset. For me it’s going on little road trips and exploring somewhere new. I don’t actually own a car, but I’ll hire one when I need it, and if money is tight I’ve use comparison sites like qeeq for finding something that fits the budget. It doesn’t have to be an expensive break either, sometimes just having a day or two away from the usual routine makes a big difference. I hope you’re able to give yourself a bit of that space too.

I did similar to you- worked 30 hours a week during my degree. Felt like everyone else was out having fun but I didn’t have parental backing so I had no choice. I also was supporting grandparents through a terminal illness. It was HARD, not fun. But actually the pressure of everyone else having fun was what made it harder. Same when I job hopped for a few years post uni, the pressure that I was falling behind everyone else made it so much harder.

At 23 I found my dream job, 25 bought my own house and 26 met DH- we got married a few years later. Everything seemed to get easier very very quickly. My work ethic and experience of tough times at a young age meant I did well at work and got promoted very quickly.

Having a supportive partner makes everything infinitely easier to deal with- we face tough times together. The career progression and financial benefits have also made things easier- sometimes we can “throw money at it” e.g. I have a health condition so we employ a cleaner, I can pay for private physio etc. It doesn’t solve everything but it definitely helps some things.