Has anyone actually overcome health anxiety? I feel like it's ruining my life.

[Justamuma]

I’m hoping someone on here has been through something similar because I honestly don’t know how to carry on living like this.

I’ve always been an anxious person, but it became so much worse after my youngest son developed meningitis when he was just four weeks old. We spent nearly two weeks in hospital while he had IV antibiotics. Those days were the most terrifying of my life and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been the same since.

Ever since then, it feels like my brain is permanently scanning for the next medical disaster.

Recently I found a lump in my breast. My GP referred me urgently to the breast clinic and I had the whole triple assessment. They did an ultrasound and then decided to take four biopsy samples. I’m still waiting for the results. The thing is, that’s a genuine medical concern. I know that. But my brain doesn’t cope with uncertainty at all. From the moment I found the lump I was planning my own funeral, imagining my children growing up without me, worrying about whether I’d need chemotherapy or a double mastectomy. I couldn’t think about anything else.

Then, before I’ve even got those biopsy results back, my daughter has had a swollen lymph node in her neck since April that I'm now convinced has grown. She’s otherwise completely well, her blood test were reassuring and the paeds consultant who saw her back then wasn't overly concerned, but my brain has immediately gone to lymphoma. I’ve spent days feeling her neck, Googling, comparing photos, reading survival rates and convincing myself she’s seriously ill.

This is the pattern of my life now. As soon as one health worry appears, I become completely consumed by it. If that one settles, my brain immediately latches onto something else. I don’t seem to get a period where I’m just… normal.
I’m constantly checking myself or my children. Every ache, pain, lump, rash or swollen gland becomes something sinister. I spend hours Googling. I ask for reassurance, feel better for an hour, then start doubting it again.

The worst part is what it’s stealing from me.
Instead of enjoying my children, I’m analysing them. Instead of looking forward to holidays, birthdays or family days out, I’m terrified one of us won’t be here for the next one. I feel guilty if I’m happy because I almost expect something awful to happen afterwards. It’s affecting my marriage because I’m permanently on edge. I’m exhausted all the time because my brain never switches off. I don’t even remember what it feels like to wake up without immediately wondering what’s wrong with someone.

I’ve had CBT before (didn't help) and I’m on sertraline, but I don’t feel like I’m actually getting better. Has anyone been this bad and genuinely recovered? Not just “I worry a bit”, but the kind where your whole life revolves around the next possible diagnosis? What actually helped? Different therapy? Different medication? How did you stop Googling and checking? Most importantly, how did you stop passing your anxiety onto your children?

I don’t want them to grow up remembering a mum who was always frightened that somebody was dying.

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s come out the other side because right now it feels completely hopeless.

Have you tried chat gpt instead of Doctor Google? Tends to be reasonably reassuring in comparison, particularly if you tell it you have health anxiety. I would tell myself I was worried not because of the likelihood of something bad happening- which was usually low - but because I was so worried about how awful it would be if it did. That helps, alongside getting very busy with a job/ cause I care a lot about that occupies my mind a lot, and the children growing and getting randomly scarily ill less often. I am sorry I know it’s hard.,

Might sound odd but get your blood levels checked..! I have suffered with anxiety since childhood so I know I am prone to it but I had major health anxiety at the time of my ferritin being low, once I went on ferrous sulphate and my levels became good, my health anxiety did subside. I did have CBT as well at this time that I learnt some great techniques from, but definitely get your bloods checked too.

I have, I can’t say it’s 100% gone away or that it’ll never come back, but my mind has changed enormously.

I did ACT (Acceptance and commitment therapy) for it, it’s different from anything else and I wasn’t convinced it would help at all, but it’s the only thing that has!

There’s lots of elements that I won’t go into now unless you’d like to know more, but I learnt a lot more about how my brain worked and how to ‘diffuse’ thoughts so I don’t get so trapped into them, and then the focus is moved back to what you’re doing. For me I still get a lot of the original thoughts (eg my husband had a small health concern last week, and 30 seconds later my brain was playing me a video of my life as a hard done by single widowed mum. I had to check he had life insurance to get some reassurance 🫣), but I notice it so much quicker, have the skills to unstick myself from that spiral, and then honesty just go back to my day. It feels a lot more like other weird unwanted thoughts that crop up, rather than something that will come true.

Anxious thoughts are not prophecies 💐

I sympathise. I’m exactly the same. I lost my first husband very suddenly to an illness when we were young and it’s had a massive impact on me. I married again several years later and had children. I’m constantly in the middle of a health crisis about one of them.

@LilacGrassid love to hear more about this - was this private or on the nhs?

It's actually quite unnerving, I am exactly the same to the degree that my HA started when my first born had neonatal meningitis...

I completely relate, I've had HA for 5/6 years now and there are times when it feels better, times it feels AWFUL, and times when it's just a horrible niggle in the background. August to winter 21 was god awful, and January this year was beyond awful, and several patches in the middle have been exhausting and very very hard.

I've tried CBT - which helped but didn't cure. 2 x counselling which did nothing. Been on citalopram a long time.

The what ifs, the catastrophising - it's exhausting. My copilot chat would probably get me sectioned if it leaked, I sound absolutely deranged trying to get it to give me certainty that of course it won't/can't give me. I also just fundamentally dont trust doctors unless there opinion is backed up by a scan and/or a biopsy, I've seen too many doctors get it wrong in the past. (Added complication that I'm medically trained so have seen things get missed/seen it go wrong).

I don't have any sort of answer for you but will share some things which have sometimes helped me:

• Don't Google or talk to AI about it 😅
• Imagine what a 'normal' friend would do if they had your symptom/how they would feel - and reassure yourself that they probably wouldn't be planning their funeral like we do
• If you have a supportive DH/DP/friend, tell them your worry and talk through and agree a rational approach. (This is off the cards for me now as everyone is quite understandably burnt out from supporting me - I don't even blame them)

I currently have some blood in stool on occasion which (using my reasoning skills and medical knowledge) I'm 95% sure is benign but you can bet yourself that I've been distracted, sad, googling all day rather than being properly present with my kids. It's just the worst and I wish I could fix myself.

That's all I've got. But you're not alone. I understand your anguish.

Edit to add - unless it is a proper unignorable red flag, I always wait 2-3 weeks before going to the GP - often it resolves itself. Then then helps fix some of the HA vicious cycles too when you 'prove' to yourself that this one wasn't a danger. Not really helpful with p but for many symptoms/sensations it can apply.

@Pixiedust49 I'm so sorry that you feel the same- I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

@SoLateToTheParty ive never even given it a thought about being low in something. I'm constantly exhausted 24/7 so maybe this is something to look into. Thank you

I have severe health anxiety - also other phobias.

I started being able to manage these more effectively once I got diagnosed properly, i.e. with OCD. Previously, I was being treated for intrusive thoughts (never worked and I was fearful that I was failing medication and CBT) when I actually have compulsive thoughts - which require a different treatment regime and (in my case) were made worse by the usual medication for anxiety and depression and CBT.

Anyway, I've been in weekly f2f therapy for going on 8 years now. It works for me. I don't think of suffering, pain and death every 30 seconds now. I'm not in a permanent state of fight, flight, freeze or flop. Had to be said though, a lot of mine was / is associated with complex PTSD. Reading a little book (available online as a PDF) called Trauma is Really Strange helped me to understand what was going on in my brain.

Long story short, it is recoverable.

I have had HA and probably still do but a much much lower level. I managed my HA with OCD rituals. I had CBT for the ocd and it really helped. The HA would flare up when under pressure and stress. I’ve had unnecessary tests for almost everything. That all stopped when I went more into avoidance.

These days it is much better and I believe that it’s better because I left my husband and shitty marriage. It’s only 4 years on after 25 years together but I already feel that my life has more purpose and meaning. I think that somewhere in my semi consciousness I was worrying about dying without properly living first, even though I had done lots of things life was never on my terms.

i also used to worry about something happening to me and the kids being under the sole care of my ex.

I am able to let a lot of things go now and feel much more confidence in things working themselves out or myself being able to work things out if something bad happens. My lovely partner doesn’t tell me how I should be thinking or feeling and lets me be. I am able to work through my emotions without getting constantly stuck. I recently went through something almost identical breast wise. It was a horrible time. You are allowed to be anxious and distressed. Try not to beat yourself up for worrying. It might also help to let yourself know that whatever happens you will cope, exactly the way you coped when your tiny baby had meningitis. You got through that and you are stronger than you think.

I’m the same, and it started when my DC was hospitalised too. The first few years after I always had a hospital bag packed and ready under my bed incase it happened again. I’m constantly on edge, constantly feeling awful, consuming.

How about a hypnotist?

Should have perhaps mentioned that my son has a volatile life threatening and life limiting condition. No one helps parents recover from watching their kid in ICU.

Solidarity op I am the same. In comes in peaks and troughs, just got through a really bad patch. Mine focuses on myself usually, but sometimes on my kids. Incidentally I recently had bloods done and my ferritin and vit d were low so that might be making it worse as per another poster’s suggestion. Good luck for your boob results 🙏

@ProudCatim so sorry to hear this- but I totally agree that it's just expected once your child gets better you can just move on. But you can't

Does anyone take any medication other than sertraline? I'm wondering if this is the best thing to be on or whether to try something else too.

I sympathise OP. Health anxiety doesn't just come out of nowhere, it always seems to stem from a real health problem, for which it is perfectly reasonable to be anxious.

The problem is switching that anxiety off. I feel my anxiety whenever I have a health problem. And each time it generally turns out to be a real medical issue - so I tell myself, can it really be health anxiety if the health issue you were anxious about is real and diagnosed!

But of course each medical issue is never as bad as I imagine, which is generally cancer. For example I told myself the pain in my bum was colon cancer, especially when the doctor couldn't immediate see anything wrong. After 5 months of worry I ended up having a endoscopy and it was... Internal hemorrhoids!

I imagined the pain in my throat was stomach cancer and that turned out to be acid reflux and a hiatus hernia.

I've gone through a few years of various real health problems, so I don't feel my anxiety is unjustified. But each time it has turned out to be not as bad as I feared.
So now I keep telling myself this, whenever a new symptom or issue rears up.

Also, I was never like this before children. I think being ultimately responsible for them broke something in my brain.

Hi OP it’s exhausting isn’t it, I also have had CBT didn’t help that my gallbladder needed removing half way through the sessions I’d booked while I was busy telling myself it wasn’t anything serious and it bloody was. I honestly feel I can’t catch a break so I understand.

Ive found the podcast disorders really helpful and I’m understanding the OCD sides of this condition.

Mine started during Covid I was hospitalised, and it’s just never gone away , I hope you can find solutions and th and to the posted who said about low ferritin that’s super helpful.

@ArchitraveOnDoorabsolutely this! Everything I worry about does actually have a medical cause, but I just catastrophise that it will be cancer and then spiral for days and days

@rivalsbingeIm so sorry that you're struggling with this too - I can see why that would totally throw all the useful therapy out the window when that happens!

I went privately, I’m not sure if it’s offered on the NHS, but I found someone local. I wonder if there’s any books on the subject, might be a good way to see if you’re interested in it before committing.

@LilacGrassI'll take a look, thank you!

Bless you.

You've had some really serious life scares, and personally, I'm not sure if CBT will help with that. The situation with your son will affect most people in some way, and then that situation with your breast. No wonder you're on high alert. Be kind to yourself. That is a lot of deal with. It's almost like a trauma response.

I think step 1 should be a mixture of self-acceptance mixed with an openness to change. As in, don't berate yourself for being on high alert to the next medical condition. Accept it has a valuable, good, analytical part of yourself that just needs to be kept in check a bit.

However, also, try to accept that this doesn't have to be your identity, and it's ok to let the identity of yourself as a worrier go.

Other than medical tests to see if the is an aggravating factor to your worries, I'd recommend breathing exercises and meditation, plus a different kind of therapy.

The meditation is supposed to be an overall balm, not something that will make you immediately feel better about a particular situation. A good one is those where you exhale for a longer period than your inhale. That slows down your heart rate. I know it might be funny or weird to you, but chanting OM does have real effects on the vagus nerve, which I think you'd benefit from. If you're having any sleep problems, that really needs to be addressed because that will increase anxious feelings, as your body is producing more adrenaline as a coping mechanism, to keep alert.

Im the same. Ive heard it can be overcome but I have no idea how.

You poor love, I can’t imagine the terror of having your baby contract meningitis. Of course your brain flipped the switch to ‘hyper vigilance’ permanently on, it’s the instinctual rational response of a mother whose job is to keep them safe. There’s nothing wrong with you in that way.

But now it’s taken over your life and become irrational because your brain is always waiting spring into danger mode so it can cope this time and protect itself. I’d actually second the PP who suggested a hypnotist because you can talk yourself down consciously until you’re blue but it’s the subconscious that’s primed for emergency. Hypnotism did wonders for my own trauma, don’t rule it out!

@MarilynMerlotit was terrifying and I know I'm not over it but I think the main thing was that he didn't show any of the classic 'meningitis symptoms' we think of, it was simply a temperature and clinginess. All the nurses kept saying 'well done for following your gut' which has now left me thinking something like a temperature = life threatening I think.

i will have a read into hypnotism, thank you!