Leaving an abusive partner after his hospital admission and needing support

[omghereistrouble]

I do not know if this is right place if not please move. I am very scared right now and just looking for support really.
I have been with R for 10 years and I have been looking to get out for ages but the problem is I did wonder how I would manage apply for benefits etc. I was offered a refuge place but not ideal as was not able to take my dog.
3 weeks ago R collapsed and I rang an ambulance. Despite me for 10 years asking him begging him etc to take his diabetes and high blood pressure tablets he would not take them. As a consequence he had blood vessels in his head burst. It was also found the bp was mega high.
It was after a few days in hospital that my motivation occurs. I had only my 2 girls and sister to take me on the 60 plus round trip. I was beyond exhausted I do have physical disabilities and mh problems. Anyway as I went to kiss his cheek goodbye he grabbed my breast and tried to stick his tongue in my mouth. I was in total shock and that night I decided enough was enough.
My lovely bungalow we moved to about 4 months ago I saw the lady from the Housing Association yesterday and she said the bungalow will be in my name so I am safe. She is coming back monday to help me sort benefits.
I cannot say a lot but it has come out there is a lot of illegal stuff going on but I have had to make a video interview and one more next week. His van has been taken for analysing. Scenes of crime came to take photos last night and next week the bungalow is going to be thoroughly searched.
It is a lot to take in. I have support from Women's Aid and my social subscriber at the GP surgery. Yesterday housing lady got me some delicious groceries fair play to her some lovely vegan things for me so I have food at least.
I wish I could sleep easily but I am not at the moment but I am very tired. I just feel dirty used and unhappy. From when I was 6 and first abused to now all men every do is rape abuse and hurt me.
I am lucky that the police have taken his phone so he cannot contact me. Sounds daft but I do worry about him as he is 68 will have long standing issues and I wonder where he will go. I do know he will be arrested at first after his discharge but I know he does not speak to siblings and children.
Its so daft after all his done to me and I feel bad after 10 years together but its only now I realise what he was like. Not letting me go out we moved here and until he went to hospital I never went out. He inflicted quite bad injuries on me plus there was sexual things too and a lot of verbal abuse especially about my mental health but also just yelling making me intimidated.
Please make me see I will be ok I am only 62 and need to think what a lovely life me and the dog will have
Btw he is a rescue and used to spend all the time cowering in her basket but now he is happy running round going outside to trot round in the cul de sac visiting all the lovely people here etc he is probably about 12 years but so happy now and for his sake I would never ever take ex back. Think me and him are facing our autumn years together

You are an incredibly strong and brave woman. It must have taken enormous courage to start your new life after everything you’ve endured.
I am glad you have good people around you for help and support.

You deserve happiness and I wish you and your little dog a happy and peaceful future life together.
Take care

Autumn years with your dog sounds wonderful and I’m so glad you are getting some support.
I have no idea what he has done but it sounds very serious if they are searching his van and other places. Thank God he has gone, and that the police know you need some protection.
Whilst you quite rightly feel awful right now there is so much light in your words. You are certainly not old at 62, and to reclaim your life, body and mind will bring you peace in time.
Hopefully your GP can speak to you about counselling because it’s clear you will need some support there.
You still have so much love to give to your lovely doggie and your own family.
R, wherever he is, can get on with it. He does not deserve a thought after what he has done and no doubt he’s spent his life abusing others, and now his own body.

You are a goddess. You will have an amazing new life with your pup. Keep going,

You will look back on this awful time in a few years and realise how strong you were. Focus on the future and look forward to far more better times ahead. Get him out of your head - he deserves nothing from you. Take Care

Thank goodness you have managed to make the break - sometimes these things happen for a reason! Enjoy your peace and freedom because you truly deserve it. I know there are difficult times ahead but you will get through all the police stuff and it sounds like you have some good support in place.

Please don't worry about what will happen to him - he's made his bed and he will have to sort himself out. He is an abuser and he doesn't deserve your concern. He will have help from hospital discharge team and they can involve social services if he is homeless. It's really not your problem so don't give him another thought. Hope you're ok lovely 💐

There are support systems for you and it sounds like you're already connected to them. There will also be support systems for him, which don't need to include you and you don't need to worry about. Just work with your support and make the most of it.

Where he will go is not your problem.

Thinking of you, @OP . I'm glad that the police are involved.

Well done for getting out.

Taking that first step is HUGE and HARD. But you’ve done it.

Give yourself (and your dog!) the wonderful life you both deserve.

I have an acquaintance who was stuck with her abusive partner for 7 years after he had a stroke before she decided to divorce him and get out.

Her only regret is that she didn't go sooner - she'd been on the brink of leaving when he had the stroke. She's now living her best life.

Some of the abuse was sexual abuse of me so I am hoping now I am healed and in less discomfort. Every day I hold my dog close and thank God that I finally had a chance to go out not a prisoner anymore. I cannot say much but the van had to go think dogging without consent.
Anyway my family have turned their back on me. My granddaughter said yet another drama in your life. I think that was very hurtful and they said they had better things to do than support me that included my daughters and grandchildren so that was that. I have for now blocked them so I do not have to put up with more rubbish. One daughter comes to this town twice a week less than a mile from my bungalow but never calls. A lot of people do not understand abuse and coercive behavior but though it does not make sense it happens.
Thank you one and all for your understanding and best wishes

It sounds like you have been through a lot but his going into hospital has been the impetus you need to make changes. Take all the help and support you are offered. Your housing is secure and you can forget about your abusive ex.

Take time and jjst rebuild and reconnect slowly. Don’t worry about daughter and grandaughter. They have their own experience of his abuse if you snd their own referred trauma from seeing it and being helpless to stop it.

See if you can join a hobby group. work with your social worker. Get therapy if you can.

You have been incredibly brave, and it sounds like you are finally getting the safety and support you deserve. Don’t feel guilty for worrying about him, but remember his future is not your responsibility anymore. It is lovely to hear how happy your dog is becoming too, and it sounds like you are both starting a new chapter. 62 is absolutely not too late for a fresh start and you should be proud of the steps you have taken toward a safer and happier life.

I think your relationship with this awful man may have clouded their judgement of you? They don’t understand coercion, abuse or what you have been through in your life.
And if this man has had creepy vibes they’ve probably wanted to avoid him.
It is really hard to see any woman you care about entangled with a man like this. When they stay, or keep going back, it can be awful.
However, that can change very much when you have some stability in your life.
I think you sound determined to find it and I think you will.
I am not far off your age, no family. And do you know what? Sometimes I feel the better for it. I think at 60 women need friends so much more sometimes.
Women who understand how tough life can be, who are choosing gentleness and peace. You only have to look at some of the family threads on here to see the anguish they can cause at times.
For now, you are your priority. You have been very, very brave and you have made such a huge leap.
Your home, doggie and peace matter. You can make new friends when you are stronger. But for now hugs with your furry bestie are worth more than gold.

Good for you, you’ve made a decision now you please just need to keep that attitude and never take him back.
are you changing the locks?