Tell me about your older dino loving boys

[canichange]

My eldest son turned 9 yesterday. He loves dinosaurs and similar things - sharks, reptiles, mythical creatures, volcanoes, sea life, Steve Backshall, David Attenborough etc etc. He also loves Lego, drawing, going to the beach, museums and swimming. He’s has friends and is doing well at school.

I found him in tears last night worried about not liking/not being able to like dinosaurs and all those other things as he gets older. I told him the David Attenborough is 100 and still thinks those things are awesome! However I can see what he means - many of his friends are getting more and more into video games, competitive sports, surfing, mountain biking etc. He’s still asking for Jurassic World toys for his birthday and Christmas.

He is young for his age, and by that I don’t mean immature, just quite childlike in his interests. I think kids grow up too quickly these days, so I have no problem with that at all, but it would be lovely to hear about how boys like him have progressed as they’ve got older.

He does play rugby and has tried cricket, as well as some other sports at school, but isn’t naturally sporty and I’m not sure if he will continue those things. He’s quite clumsy and just doesn’t have the hand-eye coordination needing for sport. I think he does them more to be part of the crowd and spend time with other kids, which is obviously fine and just as important as being good. We never push him but we do encourage any activities that keep him busy and active. I’m trying to get him into cubs and I think he’ll enjoy something like Army Cadets when he’s older. I thought he’d love martial arts but he wasn’t fussed. Hates riding his bike!

I want to just let him be, but I don’t know how to reassure him that it’s ok to maintain these interests as he gets older if he wants to. I don’t want him to feel different to his peers, but I also want him to know that it’s ok to feel/be different if he wants to be!

By contrast his younger brother is a typical sport loving boys’ boy and for some reason I just don’t have the same worried about him. It seems much easier to be a boy if you’re good and enjoy sports.

Any words of wisdom from anyone who’s been there and done it?!

Sorry for the typos, my phone wouldn’t let me edit very easily

My DS loved dinosaurs for years- there’s a guy on social media called Dean Lomax, who is a wonderful role model for children who love dinosaurs. He had an unusual pathway through education, but put in the work later in life and has been enormously successful.
My DS wrote to him a couple of times when he was younger, and Dean wrote back to him. When he met him at an event, he remembered him and they chatted for ages, geeking out together. Dean helped him realise that it is cool to be himself.
DS is 14 now, and more into Medieval history and archaeology - but he rocks it. He has loads of friends at secondary school.

He sounds like a sensitive soul. My 9 year old never liked dinosaurs much, but we have been watching the Jurassic Park films lately- they are fun for everyone and certainly not babyish! My sons childhood interest has always been transport- loves trains, trams, buses, planes. When going off on camp this week he was excited because it was his first time ever on a coach. He has a really good knowledge of our local bus routes. He really loves cuddly toys and has taken two away on camp. He is quite ballsy about telling kids he likes something and shrugging it off if they don't which seems to be well responded to thankfully, because he is not giving up those cuddlies anytime soon.

I think the issue here is that your son is worried about having to change who he is to grow up. And that really isn't true at all! I'd find a video of something like a Bronie convention to show him all the adults who still love My Little Pony enjoying their interests together. All of us are made up of hundreds of likes and dislikes and some of those will overlap with everyone we meet, and all of them will overlap with someone in the world. Having those more niche interests in adulthood can be a great way to make friends.

Enjoying sport really isn’t more masculine, or more mature, than being fascinated by dinosaurs and wildlife and drawing.

Sure, being active is healthy, but he presumably does PE at school, you say he plays rugby and he swims and goes to the beach, so he’s active already.

Don’t try to push your very normal child into being a different person just because of some weird notion that boys have to be competitive action men. He’s doing well. He has friends. His interests are totally normal things for a nine-year-old boy to be into - actually they’re totally normal things for a grown man to be into, too.

It’s horrible for a child to be constantly pushed into things you’re not really into because your parents have decided your interests and personality need changing into something they believe are more socially acceptable. It makes the child feel inadequate and guilty. Let him do the things he likes and is good at.

Firstly, I’m a geologist, I studied dinosaurs (a bit) as part of my degree!

But what really resonated with me from your post was the “it’s really hard to be a boy if you’re not sporty”. I have a non-sporty nearly 18 year old. He used to swim a lot, but never competitively (he was in a local club, but their only competition was an internal gala). He’s never been interested in football or rugby outside school. He played cricket for a few years, but largely to please his v sporty granddad.

His embryonic social life and early secondary schooling was blown apart by Covid when he was 11 and he didn’t pick up any team sports when they came back.

He is an excellent musician though. He loves history and is a good scientist. Apart from music, his other hobby is archery - again not competitive. He has some very esoteric interests.

He embraces his nerdinesses, rather than runs away from it.He’s at college doing A level sciences and has completley found his tribe. He is very, very happy in his own skin, and I actually think the pandemic gave him time to find himself.

Don’t worry about the sport, but give him other opportunities to develop interests. DS’s grieved group all met on their bronze DoE expedition.

I think that 9-11 is an age when a lot of children start to become aware that they will grow up and become adults... a part of this discussion might be nervousness about that - and not wanting to lose all he knows and loves about who he is now...

agree with others - plenty of men around who are not sporty - it is just about finding groups for other interests...

A couple of you have hit the nail on the head exactly. I think he’s nervous of change. He will be going into the top class at school (mixed age groups, so he will be in 5/6 for two years, and talk is starting to happen about big school. Some of his classmates have been to look at schools already and we will go in the autumn. He is aware that his life is going to change and he doesn’t like the thought of it.

He said he is worried about the future and is scared of growing up because he thinks he suddenly won’t like any of the things he currently likes. Many of his friends have gravitated away from the typical childlike things towards older interests and whilst I’ve tried to explain that his interests may stay exactly the same, or they may change, or they may just grow, he gets very emotional.

He is so sensitive, which is a blessing in some ways and a curse in others.

Secondary school might be easier for him. The pool of fish is so much bigger and he'll find like minded friends. It sounds to me like he's in a school primary school, so if he's not the same as the other boys that can be really hard. I'd definitely encourage Cubs or another club in line with his interests.

You have described my ds exactly. He is mid twenties now and a really gentle soul. Still loves Lego, is at uni studying paleontology. He spends hours on beaches hunting fossils and visiting museums. He has lots of friends and a lovely girlfriend.
If I’m honest school was a bit difficult, he didn’t really gel with many other children, but when he went to university he met “his people” and has never looked back.

Oh, and he hates most sports. Really loves diving (the underwater type) because he loves to study marine life. And when I see him feeding honey water to tired bees I really couldn’t love him more.

It’s lovely to hear of all these teenagers and young people who have carried on with their childhood interests.

I’d never try to change his passions to fit a certain mould. I love the dinosaur thing. It’s more that I can already see life becoming less easy for him as he gets older. For example, we’re on a caravan holiday this week and my 7 year old will see a bunch of kids kicking a football around and seems to be able to just merge in with the gang. There aren’t many dinosaur loving 9 year olds about in general and so life feels more awkward for him.

I’m also finding it hard to see how our lives will be as he gets older. I can see us going to sports matches and events with the younger one, but that won’t interest the older one. We live in Cornwall so we have access to lovely beaches, so that’s good. We have a paddle board and he’s keen to get into snorkelling. We don’t have many museums, but maybe we’ll have to start doing more weekends away to access more of that sort of thing.

Hopefully many if you are right and he will find his tribe in secondary/college. He hates the thought of leaving primary but finds a lot of the boys at school a bit boisterous and rough. He needs a bunch of gentle souls like him.

All you can do is help him find opportunities and give him permission to be who he is rather than a societal driven stereotype of a more boisterous boy - and it seems as though you are doing that already!

I don’t think that’s true @akkakk I’d hoped I’d come across as looking for ways to support him through the next phase of his life, but I’ll certainly be aware of making sure I’m not trying to mould him into someone he’s not.

Hi
you’re basically asking about my son. He’s just graduated with a masters in Paleaontology. We’ve always called him dino boy.
it is hard for boys that aren’t into sports but they find their tribe and he’s had the best time at uni literally studying his passion.
Everyone should encourage their children to follow their dreams whatever it is.

You may have misread my post 😀
I meant that you were already helping him be who he is and find interests - and not letting him be pushed by society stereotypes! This thread being an example…

it was a compliment that you seem to be parenting sensitively and thoughtfully!

Ah I’m so sorry @akkakk, yes I did misread!

Thank you, that is such a lovely thing to hear and I’m glad it sounds that way 🥰