Is a fabulous house worth it? Opinions please

[twilighttwinkle]

I’ve NC’d as it’s quite outing, I’ve spoken to friends recently about it and at least two of them are on here.

My family is Dh, and 3DC (9,7&1). We’ve seen the most wonderful house, really lovely. It is however in the middle of nowhere. We love it so much and all want to move there but I’ll just bullet point the facts to save lengthy sentences. The main considerations are:

I’m just starting to learn to drive but can’t yet. There’s no shop or anything, it’s very rural. Dh drives and WFH flexibly so can always get us about but I most likely won’t have passed by the time we move so that’s a consideration.

Local primary is tiny- don’t know if that’s good or bad!

Moving there means I’ll never have any kind of decent job/career. I did well at school but didn’t go to uni and have only had jobs minimum/slightly above minimum wage. I don’t actually have much ambition for a few logistical reasons so it’s more of an acceptance thing; I’d be lucky to get a job in the local co op (10 mikes away).

Dh is quite a bit older than me and this is my personal hang up; the woman who owns it is a widow and it’s sat on the market for 1.5 years at much lower than the HR because they cannot shift it. I couldn’t live there on my own so it feels like I could potentially get stuck there.

The kids love the countryside and want to move away from the city. I’m the only one who likes being in the city but DH&DC1&2 would love to be in that location.

Any advice would be so welcome!

Your kids might love it at 9 and 7 but less so at 15 and 13, when they are in the arse end of nowhere when it comes to meeting up with pals. Also they won’t be in primary school forever. you’ll be still needing to ferry them around when if they lived somewhere with a bus service they could be more independent

It’s not sounding very promising from what you’ve written..?

You are going to go from not being able to drive, to being a full time taxi driver for the next two decades.

Would be my fear.

Yes

and then being stuck isolated in the arse end of nowhere with an old man once the kids have left home and OP is still relatively young

Fuck that

Nothing is forever. You could live there while the dc are young but then think about moving to something nearer to amenities when they become teenagers. This might coincide with you wanting yo reboot your career options.

No thanks, not for me. Never mind being taxi service to kids, you’d have to drive to everything you want to do too

Wouldn't dream of it if your not on good bus routes and you can't drive

Can you link it here? Someone might know the area and can advise.

Think of the future, when your kids are age 11 onwards - getting to and from school, hobbies, meeting friends - they will not like it.
I have a family member who lives 8 miles from nearest shop - she has to drive everywhere. In winter she gets stranded due to either ice on the lanes or flooded.
Personally I would compromise with a village rather than city - somewhere with shops, bus routes to secondary schools etc

It will be shit when they’re teenagers. No thanks.

Nope

location location location

buy a house similar in an appropriate area

it will be a nightmare driving to extra curricular activities /play dates and you mention no career either?

I think definitely not!

No way - 100%
it will be a nightmare for you all.
Kids need to be near train station / bus links or it will be horrendous for you being a taxi for years.

Unless your kids are massively into horses it doesn’t work you will be bored shitless with your children.

What if you don’t pass your test? Some people never get on with driving. I tried learning for over 5 years, 5 tests and it’s just not a skill I’m ever going to have. Even if you learn to drive with no trouble do you want to be a constant taxi service for bored teenagers and relegate yourself to a lifetime of no job/very little opportunities? What about your financial independence in the worst case scenario that you and DH split up? Sounds like it would be an utterly disastrous decision. Is there a middle ground of a nice town or village with a train and bus service and more amenities that’s close to countryside?

One of the things my kids love about where we live is being able to walk to their friend’s houses. It will be important when they’re a bit older.

Do people really do this so easily? Its really expensive to buy and sell houses and you never know if circumstances change and you won't qualify for an affordable mortgage again?

I wouldn't do this OP. Mainly because you don't want to. You will drive soon enough but you will then end up ferrying your kids everywhere.

I wouldn't worry about a small primary school. I'd focus more on where they will go to secondary school. Can they get there independently on public transport?

I'm saying the above but I have to admit I dream about living somewhere that isn't surrounded by buildings and people so I understand the draw your family are feeling towards the move.

One more thing, concentrate on the location not the house itself.

Location, location, location for me.

It doesn't sound like a good location.

Think about when the kids are older. They will want to see their friends and go to the cinema,bowling etc. How far are the nearest amenities? Do you have a good bus route? A train station close by?

These may not seem important now, but trust me, they will be important when the time comes!

It sounds like you're taking all the risks OP and yet you're not even the one who wants to move to the middle of nowhere.

Kids love nature when they're 6, by 12 they want good WiFi and to start going to the shop with their mates.

And the thought of it being a 20 mile round trip for a bottle of milk or an emergency can of tomatoes leaves me cold.

No
For all the reasons you’ve listed.
Totally impractical, no matter how gorgeous it is.

Except they won’t be able to sell - it’s been on the market for 1.5 years!

Dont do it.

No way on earth. For the transport/driving reasons but also switching 9 and 7 year olds into a tiny village school. My parents did that to me, we moved to one of those towns with a tiny village less than a mile from it and sent us, age 9 and 7 to the tiny village school. It was awful, everyone else was in very fixed friendship groups already, most of the children lived on farms and their families had known each other for generations, it made it extremely hard for us to make friends and it really caused some problems, the day I got out of there and went to secondary school was a very happy one indeed.

More cons than pros. Don’t do it.

Nope. You’ll be a teen taxi for years. Kids won’t thank you. As you get older you’ll get more isolated

When we downsized we did what we thought was our dream, as we no longer had to consider the children, and moved rurally. We lasted seven years and back to our village we went. I can’t say we were unhappy, but the constant having to get the car out to go everywhere just wore me down. I would never have done it when the children were still at home.

This. And the kids will NOT come home from university because they will have been trapped and isolated there throughout secondary school - during which you will have HAD to learn to drive and spent every day as the parental Uber. My youngest has just finished school - we do have a fabulous house and in a shire town with transport links to London... but buggerall transport to elsewhere. Rubbish transport links that don’t take them to the colleges and schools where they got places (hence having spent much of the last 8 years driving them to and from different educational places, and then trying to support their social lives on top.) On the last day of my youngest’s school year 5 weeks ago, I cried with relief. I am finally getting my life back.

Don’t do it. More modest house in a sensible location that will offer your kids the scope for independence in secondary school and you access to work once you’ve learned to drive. No house is perfect - get one with potential to extend, renovate and make into your dream home. And don’t have your head turned by big gardens - the kids don’t play in them after the age of 8-11, certainly not once at secondary school (they will be in their rooms doing homework and on line, esp if mum cannot drive), and you spend all weekend mowing lawns and weeding and forking out a fortune every other year having tree surgeons and the like in (from experience).

We love our home and won’t move until our children are settled after uni, but even given it is NOT rural, it has been less than perfect for a growing family.