I've just been out for a lovely lunch....but

[Poppystone]

It was ar DP's parents'. We've been together 2 years, I've met them a handful of times but we don't socialise with (either of) our parents that much. Tend to pop in for coffee on our own, rather than both go for lunch/the afternoon.

His parents are lovely, very similar in attitudes to mine and easy company. Very chatty which means you don't have to work at the conversation, which I am very bad at.

This time his aunt was there, who I'd never met, but she was lovely company too.

Mum had done a nice lunch and we stayed 2 hours, had a very pleasant time.

But, I am shattered. To the point that if I sit down I can't keep my eyes open. Do others get like this after social things, even ones they've enjoyed?

All the time! Visiting family for a week next week & it’ll take me a week to recharge my social batteries afterwards.

It's this weather, too. I find it very draining. To the point where I feel very Downton Abbey - wanting to recline on a chaise longue, muttering, 'It's terribly... close today' while pulling a bell for afternoon tea.

Do others get like this after social things

No, not normally unless these apply:

Were you drinking alcohol?
Had much water today?
Aneamic or have any health problems or deficiencies?
Had a long commute/drive to/from the venue?
Not slept well or had to get up very early?
Is the weather very hot where you are?
Were you sitting in the sun?

Yes, me!

Yes if you're an introvert it's very normal to be knackered and drained after a social event.

No alcohol
Plenty of water
No health issues I know of
5 min drive
I was up to workout at 7am, which is not exceptionally early or unusual for me.
It is hot, but we were in the shade.

You were probably on your best behaviour as you don't know them very well and want to make a good impression, even though you find them good company that's exhausting. It's not unlike an interview at a company you know you really like and can imagine enjoying working for...

I get like this but I have autism and find social interactions really, really difficult (enjoyable at times, but difficult).

Yes, you're an introvert and you're peopled-out. Without realising you can be in a state of high alert when socialising with people you don't know well, however pleasant they might be - you are on your guard, filtering what you say to be appropriate, being prepared to respond to unexpected topics.

Once you're done, your alert system goes 'ahh, safe now' and you relax and feel tired, as you might after any more obviously stressful situation.

No. But all my autistic relatives feel this keenly. It takes my DH days to recover from a social event - his executive function is fucked, he needs 10-15 hours’ sleep.

Yes but I am autistic.

But, I am shattered. To the point that if I sit down I can't keep my eyes open.

Well I feel like that today and I haven't been out to lunch. I think it's the weather - not just warm but close and muggy feeling. I can't focus on anything.

Yes. I love socialising but however much I like the people, I only relax completely & recharge when it’s just me.

Yes always

Not particularly. However, I don’t normally eat much at lunchtime so if I had a bigger meal than usual then it would probably make me sleepy. Ditto if it was carb heavy. But none of that relates to the company itself!

Do others get like this after social things, even ones they've enjoyed?

Yes, I do. When we visit dh's family I insist on having a planned time for leaving so I can focus on that when I'm feeling the strain.

I'm just rubbish at inane social chit chat, which is what I've come to expect.
My own family, I'm perfectly comfortable. And so is he!!

I find I can get this but it only seemed to start happening after the pandemic. I wfh a lot now and if I go to the office or socialise a lot I find it so tiring in ways I didn't pre 2020. I think for me it's like a social muscle, if I don't use it much I find it tires me out but if I am more in practice it's not as bad.

I was fine at socialising until I had DC and I think that that tipped me over the edge as I no longer came home to a quiet house but to one where I had to get straight into mummy mode. It’s the same whether the DC have been out with me or have been at home. And it’s got worse as they have got older and are now around in the evenings and wanting to discuss all manner of random things when I really want them to be tucked up & fast asleep whilst I zone out on the sofa. Peri menopause hasn’t helped either!

As an introvert yes. The worst are kids parties where it’s sensory overload plus the social exhaustion of chatting to other parents, it takes me a full 24 hours to recover from them!

Only if I've been showing everyone the correct way to Cha Cha Cha for 4 hours straight. It's hell on the hips!

You forgot to put introverts on that list, for whom social chit-chattery is exhausting.

Yes. Because as nice as it is, it also takes energy and you have to be ON for an extended period of time. My son told me one time, “My social bank account is overdrawn.” Exactly this. So, give yourself some time to recover and limit socializing. No shame, just self care.

This is me too. We visit the inlaws, you could not meet nicer people. We go for the weekend, I come home and just want to be alone then to sleep.

Any chance you may be neurodivergent? I'm ND and I get like this.

You did something that you find a bit stressful for a couple of hours, and it tired you out. Don’t suppose the heat helped either. Sounds very normal to me. I don’t like ‘occasions’ much either.