I’m not really sure why I’m posting this, I just feel utterly rubbish and want to write it down somewhere to vent because if I tell people in real life I’ll just seem ungrateful.
It’s my birthday today but it’s been an absolutely shit year. We’ve had 2 miscarriages TTC our first and today was test day on our first cycle back trying since the second miscarriage which was of course a BFN. Everyone’s went to so much effort- my friends tried to organise a girls meal out yesterday which I couldn’t face going to, my parents are coming round shortly and are insisting on going for brunch and my partner has organised a lovely evening. I just couldn’t feel less like celebrating. Today just feels like a reminder of how far behind I am and how different the coming year should have been and that’s not to mention the added pressure of being a year older and TTC etc…
I know I’m going to have to plaster on a smile and pretend to have a good day and I truly am grateful for people trying but honestly it just feels all so pointless and it would quite frankly be nice to just not get out of bed and have to face anyone today ☹️