Smug OW and exDH

[berrytart]

How do you bite your tongue/ignore how annoying they are?
Pretending they are stepmum of the year and him throwing his cash about to my DCs (who don’t know they met/had an affair for 5 years before we split).
Im perfectly happy with my life and cringe when I see him, so why does it bother me so much that they are so ott and desperate to gain parent points.?

She can throw all of the money she wants. She will never, ever be their mother.

There’s nothing like a ton of guilt to make people splash the cash.

That’s so true, I find it desperate but most people don’t know their backstory so it’s frustrating they’re perceived as wonderful

Is she not nice to the kids? Do they not see them very often?

Well, your children don't know about the affair presumably because you have chosen not to tell them, because they're too young, or you don't want to damage their relationship with their father.

I don't see why anyone's else's opinion matters. I mean, surely people aren't stopping you in the street and telling you how fabulous your ex and his girlfriend are?

I am in the same position as yourself. Every gawping selfie she posts irritates me. However, my ex never accompanies her to events (such as her best friend’s wedding) so I like to think she just isn’t worth it. But most of all I remember that I have integrity and that’s something she’ll just never get back. Children, even when money is being thrown at them will see that, particularly in the longer term.

Probably because they stamped all over your boundaries and he was incredibly dishonest for such a long time. In a way, it’s a violation of your own values and conduct. And that’s why it’s such a big feeling.

i feel such resentment that my ex really wants to rewrite his story as the “good guy”. But he’s not. He’s weak and lazy and it was years and years of me doing more than was fair. And he knows that. So he does bait me and catch me when I’m weakest. So he can justify his own story that he’s such a good guy. Different story but same motive (and internal reaction from me)

obvs you can’t say anything around your kids. But you can share with friends and never, ever show any reaction to their faces. Keep your own side of the street clean.

Yes they were young when it happened so I didn’t want to cause upset or confusion by telling them.

yes they see them often, they’re just ott even with DC’s friends such as paying for them all to have expensive weekends away etc.
Im hoping my oldest DC starts to find it cringey but probably just enjoy lapping up the constant gestures/gifts.

Sounds like similar manipulation, playing the wonderful person card to anyone gullible to see it.

Hopefully, DC friends parents will think ‘what a flash smarmy tit’

Just remember they're awful people, and you're decent. Remember she'll never be able to trust him-because she knows he's a cheater. He'll never be able to trust her, because he knows she's the kind of person happy to smash a marriage and hurt kids, so clearly she doesn't think being faithful matters, or she wouldn't have done this.
The best revenge is living well. Remind your children what a good person is, and bring them up to be with good people they can trust-the kind that maybe doesn't have their phone because they're forgetful, not because they're a cheat.

It sounds like jealousy on your part. Why would you hope that your kids find it 'cringe' that their dad does nice things with them?. Your kids will pick up on your distain and if you're not careful it could bite you in the bum.

Well, see it as what it is, a Disney Dad trying to expiate his guilt at having fucked around and ended the marriage that created these children?

Definitely not jealous, I appreciate it might appear that way.
Im pleased my DC are happy and cared for. It’s just the image they portray to win everyone over. I never show distain, no idea how I manage to hold it in!

I have conversations about what’s important to me (non materialism) different houses different rules etc.
I make more time for the dc and they know it
They also remember the toxic behaviour before ex left and know our home is calmer.
They are also aware it’s not df money it’s hers
Im always glad he is no longer my problem..

Let them screw him for all the money they can . It's sickening that they are trying to reinvent themselves as just misguided lovers . Anyone who knows the timeline knows the story . It would bother me too OP so vent away on MN and not in RL 😡