Not sure what I was thinking when I said this about children's characters

[Liz1tummypain]

Will try to make this brief, if poss.

Son - 28- popped back today. I was saying how I'd seen the mum of an old school friend of his ( been off work for a little while so a bit more time to see old friends). Son was friends with her son up to, perhaps 14 or 15. My son said Ben, ( his old friend) always had time for all his friends, ignored all the silly boy cliques and silly teenage nonsense. I wasn't very much aware that this was even much of a thing at the time for boys, my son has always accumulated friends as soon as he meets people. And I said, yes well Andrea ( Ben's mum, who I wasn't depserately close to back then , or even now, but have always known she's lovely, I said "Andrea wouldn't have tolerated any meanness from Ben. "

The conversation moved on. But that's crazy, isn't it? By 14 children have their own characters, don't they? Was it dismissive to imply a child doesn't have their own thoughts, their own ways that are independent of their mum's? Feels like I am over stating a parent's control over these things.

I mentioned it again later to son and he said it's some and some but it still feels like I've assumed children have no influence on their characters. Any ideas what's going on in my tiny mind please?

I’ve no idea, that’s the most overthinky post I’ve read on here today though. What a perfectly completely normal conversation to be pondering over.

I find this a little odd. If course they have their own thoughts and feelings at 14 but a decent parent would still be guiding them and hopefully coming down hard on any bad stuff.

I don’t think you’re assuming that children have no control over their characters. I think you’re saying that their parents also have some influence, which I would say is true.

I wouldn’t overthink it too much, I definitely say (and think) that with some teenagers it’s no surprise that they are lovely, because their Mum or Dad are too - that sounds akin to what you were saying.

Thanks for this. yes I think that is exactly what was on my mind. Glad you said this. In this case I could never imagine this mum could raise a child who wasn't caring and considerate. I'm sure he has his own character.He's a semi- pro football player now so he must have a strong, assertive side and yet you just know he would never be rude or off to another human being. I think the mum's character has had a big bearing on it but he has also forged his own character
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many thanks 😁

Thanks to everyone who is answering.. Maybe I have too much time on my hands these days. I just didn't want my son to think I didn't believe he could have his own personally formed character, separate from how I have ( forced him to ) make his !. Obviously not serious there .