Wanting to have kids, but time and money (long hour jobs and low income) stop this!

[Benny91]

We’re both 33 and are wanting to have kids. But because of our jobs as they’re long hours and being not on a high income is stopping us from having any. As if we gave up work, we’d not be able to afford children, as we have a mortgage to pay for on a 2 bed house (£1500 a month), with income being only for us as £4,200 a month.

It feels impossible to have any kids.

We’re just bloody working all the time to pay off a mortgage! 😫

Why would you have to give up work?

Because childcare is expensive and our jobs make it impossible to have children or a dog! 😩

People continue to work and have children; you can take minimal maternity leave.

If you really wanted to I suspect you could - your income isn’t that low compared to
mortgage

But my job (bus driver) are 12 hour days! Plus I often need to do overtime to get extra money. My girlfriend is a nursery teaching assistant who often does 10 hour days, 5 days a week! 😩

We’re not highly educated, as we’re a neurodivergent couple (I have autism and she has minor learning disabilities). So we’re stuck in below average to average jobs. And we’re never going to be very wealthy!

Its going to be an absolute struggle if we want children!

What’s your maternity/paternity leave like at your workplace? You’ll qualify for subsidised childcare and tax free childcare. What are your working hours like and is there any flexibility?

We saved up enough to cover nursery (we had ours before the new childcare subsidies kicked in so it was more expensive). We both used to work 0800-1800, but we picked a nursery near our local tube station so it was easier to drop and collect. One of us did drop off and the other picked up and the other worked a bit earlier/later accordingly. Nursery hours are usually 0800-1800. School is a bit harder, but find one that does good after hours childcare (ours does 0745-1800). We have managed to negotiate wfh on Fridays and we alternate picking up at 1530 on that day.

We built up a good nest egg of tax free childcare and use it for afterschool provision and holiday clubs.

If I were you, I’d save hard for the next couple of years and think about moving jobs if the hours really are impossible (you don’t want to be tethered to that for the rest of your life).

Can you try and save £500 a month for the next couple of years? If you get used to that, you’ll have a good amount of savings and then use that £500 to contribute to nursery fees after the baby and that should cover childcare along with the savings.

If you can get your child in to the nursery your partner works in, you’ll have nothing to worry about!! Then you can just use childcare for the holidays and it won’t need to be a full week as you can pick up the days you have off. It definitely sounds doable.

Yes it would be a struggle

one of you may end up looking for a different job - yous girlfriend could go over to childminding for example rather than work in a nursery

but many people have children and put up with the struggle , cut their cloth to fit, change how they live to make things work

Normal maternity/parternity pay. We can’t really leave our jobs as we can’t afford a pay cut and we can’t get any highly paid jobs as we’re not intelligent enough!

I think £4200 a month take home pay is quite a lot! It’s way more than Dh and I were earning when we had our first. You absolutely can afford childcare on your income, but realistically, one of you will need to have a job that is flexible around childcare hours (say, drop off at 8am and collect between 5-6pm).

If your partner works in a nursery, that’s perfect, as child comes to work with her and attends the nursery she works at, so will be in during her work hours and go home straight after. Much more convenient than those of us with a 1 hour commute or longer to nursery. Once school starts, you use wraparound care or you work your hours around school time.

Dh and I both worked FT when ours were nursery/primary school, often 10-12 hour days. One of us would work a shorter day while the other worked a longer day. Or one of us would start early and the other finish early. I had a 3 hour commute 3 days a week for many years, leave at 6am, home 7-8pm, then Dh would work long hours the other days. It’s totally doable. You do have to be flexible though and one or both of you may need to consider a different job, retraining, etc to make those flexible hours happen. Your partner, for example, could become a childminder and set her own hours, collect from your child’s school, etc.

You should be able to save and your DC could surely be placed where DW works? Or she could work as a childminder? Or change role?

Other people do it, you could too.

Remember you have the opportunity to work your way up in the roles you are in. It’s not always about intelligence in the educational sense, it’s about being good at your job and fulfilling the requirements. Not all jobs require a degree. You have a mortgage at a relatively young age, which is a lot more than most people have. With a bit of saving, it’s definitely doable, especially as your partner works in childcare! It’s a double bonus as it’s the same hours and they will see your child every day!

You’ve been posting for a long time about your plans or not to have children and the array of challenges you face. Is it helping?

Having children is about choices and sacrifice. If you really want children you make it work whether that is moving to a cheaper area or changing jobs or saving for a couple of years to cover childcare costs and maternity leave.

If you do 12 hour shifts do you do 3 a week? You could do the childcare 2 days week while your wife works? Can the baby go to work with your wife?

If you really want kids to you have to make choices. Kids don't have to be mega expensive - I appreciate childcare is but you can save/budget for that.

We have a take home pay of 4500 now with 3/5yos, mortgage 1200 - so you’re definitely not far out here. I think you might be unrealistic in your budgeting maybe but it also depends where in the country you are perhaps.

if those are the jobs then what’s the next option? Nursery manager? Office admin? With experience you can increase that but tbh I’d start by looking at your budget post baby including factoring in anything like child benefit and nursery fees

Working at a nursery is long hours but very few of the staff in the nursery we use do 5 days. Most do 4 long days or less. When the staff there have children they usually send their children there too and pay a reduced rate.

Your household income really isn’t bad. We have a 2 and 5 yo and have a similar take home pay to you. Our essential spends come to around £3,000 a month. That’s mortgage, food, all the bills and childcare.

Maybe start a thread where you list what you spend money on and people can help you work out a budget so you can save up some money.

I think it's refreshing to see a couple being realistic about what they can afford and not expecting that taxpayer to pick up the bill for their children

But people can afford children on those salaries without the tax payer picking up the bill.

£1500 mortgage and £4200 income per month after tax.

Sorry i have little sympathy for sob stories like this tbh. You have plenty of income left over after paying the mortgage. YES it might get a bit tighter if you had children BUT its only because you have become complacent and not saved from the £2700 you have left to pay for other living expenses. Thats a LOT more than a lot of people have available and they manage.

If you want some advice, start saving. Really hit it hard and save £1000+ per month. A couple of years you will have a nest egg enough to help whilst going through first couple of years with baby AND also be better able to restrict your spending because you have had practice.