Can I change my life?

[Starrylawn]

I’m 49, single with a child I have 50/50. I’ve suddenly realised how lonely and down I am. I spend whole weekends sitting around not doing much feeling like shit. I have friends but I can’t see them every day obviously and some weekends I am totally alone, although I do speak with friends through messaging etc. I work full time and am financially fairly secure (for now!)

I think I’m depressed for the first time in my life.

I want to make a change. Has anyone turned their lives around? How did you do it?

Anyone? Or am I stuck forever!

Guess not then!

Sorry OP, of course you can! What sort of things would you like to do?

I joined a fancy gym so on the weekends I don't have my children im there all day and there's always people around / it's a bit luxury

you could plan your weekends a bit more I.e. Saturday get up, get a train somewhere go for a nice walk, cook a good dinner curl up with a book?

depends on your goals I think let me know - but absolutely isn't too late!

Well, perhaps see your GP if you're depressed. Being depressed makes taking decisive action pretty hard.
Depending on your circumstances, start a course, join a club, volunteer, look on Meet Up. The key is meeting other like-minded people. But you have to put some effort in.

Yes sounds like you would benefit from more time with friends on your spare weekend rather than just messaging. Could you text a friend and make a plan for your next free weekend? Remember you just need little steps in the right direction. Sending love as a fellow single mum, I know how tricky it can be ❤️

Thank you! I guess I just feel ‘it’s not worth doing anything’ when I’m alone. I’m trying to change that mindset.

Thank you! I do see friends on my spare weekends, I just meant I can’t always see them. So I end up having quite a few weekends alone. And even if I do see them, it’s one night and then I have two other nights and all the days alone

I would have a google to see if there are any walking groups near you. If you find a group that has walks organised most weekends, that's a good way to meet people in a non-pressurised setting, as you don't have to be talking to people all the time, you can just walk along in silence for part of the way if that's what you feel like doing.

Any park run or local running group near you?

I have not been in this situation but do think you can improve things. I used to be a member of David Lloyd if you have one of those around and there were lots of single Mums going to those and outdoor pool, indoor pool, spa, gym, classes and a bar.

I think get up and out , have a busy Saturday so you don't mind a chilled Sunday. Make plans with anyone, doesn't need to be a best friend, other people might fancy a coffee too

The Bar bit sounds good!

Why don't you choose 3 things to do outside the home and 3 inside. All different. One fitness activity - parkrun or swimming, one community activity - volunteering at a charity, church, campaign group you support, one social. If friends aren't free, go along to a Meet Up event or local talk.
At home, sign up for an online course that interests you. There are loads of free ones. Create a small, easily achievable home improvement project, to renovate a piece of furniture or make a messy area really beautiful. And maybe a personal development project - journalling, online meditation or yoga or a workbook for getting out of a rut.

Changing your life sounds quite daunting. Perhaps try to see it as ‘adding things to your life’
Start small and try to add one thing at the time. I would always suggest an activity or sport as being active helps with physical and mental wellness. Do you have hobbies you could perhaps pick up again? Try a new sport , is there anything in your local area you could look into? I personally find gyms a bit lonely as everyone does their own thing. How about a badminton club/ parkrun (you can start couch to 5k and also volunteer to get to know people) / joining Ramblers or your local Love Her Wild group? All depends what makes you tick.
Join the Library and read books about women who have started new adventures to get motivated. I can recommend ‘your one wild and precious life’ by Gaffney - I loved reading it .

It is very possible to add new things to your life during your forties - many women are in similar positions with children taking up less time/ relationships fail and gaps to be filled.
Believe you can do it, and you deserve to spend time on improving your life x