Worrying About Being Alone As An Older Person

[stormyweatheragainandagain]

Did not want to post this under AIBU.

It is likely that as I approach traditional retirement age, I could well find myself on my own for reasons I don't want to go into here. I have 3 dc one who is now a young adult.

I am panicking because although I do have friends, they don't feature in my day to day life apart from one very good one. I am awaiting an assessment for autism and I also have likely got co-morbid mental health conditions relating to this including CPTSD and depression as well as attachment issues.
Throw in the menopause and I am facing a burnout situation for which I am seeking support.
The conversation came around to someone's elderly mother living next door to her adult child. I have always wanted to live close to at least one of my dc admittedly for my own sake but I would be willing if able to lend support in relation to any grandchildren. I realise this is all hypothetical and who knows what might or might not happen but the prospect of living alone is throwing me into panic as I do best when someone else is present in the building.
I am going to be discussing this at my forthcoming appointment and have considered that the AgeUk homeshare scheme would likely be a way forward for me. I don't think going into supported living would be ideal due to my likely ND but I could be wrong. One reassuring presence would likely work much better than trying to blend into community.
I have to confess, I do feel envious of older people having their adult dc live on the doorstep, some continue to share the same house. I know I want what's best for dc as they have their own lives to live but I feel extremely anxious about what life will look for me should I reach retirement age and beyond.
Wanted to post as this has been playing on my mind for a long while.

I read your post was sympathetic understanding op.
You are not being unreasonable in your thoughts as you know your situation and you know what would be better for you personally going forward.
I think the home share scheme sounds like a very reasonable place to start looking into.
There is also of course a community living arrangement, supported living, which might not be as bad as you imagine it would be.
The good thing about this is that you have given yourself time to look into various options.
No hasty decisions which would be upsetting.
My neighbour sold her home and moved into a senior residence, she lives independently by herself, but has a variety of very nice neighbours, mostly women as is usually the case, and she is very happy there.
Have you spoken to your DCs how about how you feel?
Would it be possible to move closer to any of them?
You sound like a person who would not interfere with their lives, but would be comforted knowing they were close by enough to help with DG.
You have the time, it would be good to explore your options now without pressure.

Thank you for your sympathetic response lifeontheroundabout.

I have had my children later, it will be a while yet before they have homes of their own, at least not the younger two.

My likely autism diagnosis has arrived late in the day though looking back it does make sense. I have always managed to keep on top of it but the menopause and having some kind of burnout as exposed the traits. I feel like I might be flooded by too many people and struggle to fit in and then of course I am rejection sensitive. I'm usually better at conversing on a one to one basis. Some kind of ladies companion would be wonderful but not realistic given the cost of hiring someone in that capacity.
Thinking of the adventures we could have!
It does prey on my mind though. We don't live in an ideal world.

Indeed we don't live in a 'perfect world' OP!
Worrying about the future isn't very helpful, but understanding why you're having anxious feelings for your future self, is key, I think anyway, to helping you navigate menopause and autism as best you can.
Sharing your concerns with your GP, and taking time to read up on having 'autism and menopause' you might find useful, if you haven't done this already. There are many good suggestions online how to help yourself get through these times. Self care is so important, especially at this time of dropping hormone levels and the utter fatigue it brings with it, which undoubtedly makes managing autism more difficult. Things will look brighter when you understand why you feel this way and you actually do something about it, and your GP might ( should) have some suggestions as well. Knowledge and understanding should help, and you should have time after menopause to look into options that will be more suitable to you; wishing you well @stormyweatheragainandagain x