If you grew up abroad, where do you think of as home?

[MissElizabethGrayling]

I have a few friends who have moved abroad - not to countries where they had family or links - for work. They moved when kids young - ages 4-8 - and are staying for the whole childhood. In some cases they are in local schools and fluent in the language, in others they are in English schools. I was just wondering if this was you growing up, where do you see as home? Some of these kids are starting to apply for uni in the UK now and I think it will be a massive culture shock coming back 'home' to somewhere they have never really lived.

Not judging - we all do what is right for our own families, and the additional languages etc are great, am just interested if you are British and your family moved back or you moved back for uni or work, did you feel at home here? Or does nowhere feel 'home'.

Interesting question. I was born in the UK, moved abroad when I was 2... then moved back in my early 20s (alone). I have the accent I gre up with, along with all the cultural aspects. But I've lived in the UK most of my adult life (over 30 years now), and when I moved back it was always going to be my permanent home, and that's how I think of it.

However - people still ask me things like 'when last did you go home?' etc, and I think that's to do with my accent. Equally, when I visit the country I grew up in (closest friends still live there) my accent is considered British now - with the result being that I'm 'forrin' everywhere.

Cheeky of me to answer as I’m a super homebody, but I do have two cousins who moved abroad at around end of primary school. Both returned here for university and one has lived here for a few years in subsequent decades, but both have settled overseas (interestingly to me, not in the country they originally moved to, but in one case the country of her partner and the other the county that her partner was working in before retirement.) Their children have gravitated to the UK but evidence suggests would only really consider working in London over here.

It definitely can make you rootless, but more so if your parents move you around a lot for their work.

It can also make you rootless if your parents do the same sort of move inside your country of origin. My parents moved us around until late primary age and then settled in a rural village nowwhere near where either of them were from, where we were always asked where we were from. My parents thought private school a fourty minute drive away would be best, which essentially cemented not feeling any connection at all to where they settled.

I don't feel anywhere in particular is "home" in the sense of roots, and my parents had the absolute zeal of converts for their adopted village and were always irritated and offended none of us considered it "home" and only visited them rather than "going home" after we left for uni, but we really had no links to the place (which was especially related to private school as friends from there weren't local, but cemented by no primary school friends in the area).

I think if you're brought up in one place you have roots, but the identity issues can exist even if you just have parents from two countries (and the multiple advantages of bilingualism have the flip side of being a subtely different person in each language - this is inevitable if you genuinely live in two or more languages rather than just using them for holidays).

I find it weird when parents encourage young people brought up in countries with universities which are still free at the point of use to go to UK universities - that's financially a terrible choice (made worse by the fact that they have to pay overseas student fees despite being UK citizens if they've lived elsewhere in the years prior to starting university).

I am British and raising my family in another country. To me it is very clear that I am, and always will be British, but my children, whatever passports they might get in the future never will be.
I guess it also depends on how far you can pull identity and nationality apart. I currently have a British passport, but I can imagine giving it up in the future. At which point my identity will remain British but my nationality will be that of my new 'home' country.

I think of NZ as 'home', as do my daughters. They were aged 11 and 13 when we shifted to the UK.

DH was 3 when his family shifted to NZ from the UK. He very much thinks of NZ as 'home'. His sister who is 4 years older than him, thought of the UK as home until relatively recently. His brother, who is the oldest, has thought of NZ as home for a very long time.

I think it totally depends on where you settle as an adult. And I mean settle as it put down roots, not just live. I grew up in the US and moved to the UK at 30. I now have dual citizenship, but was not British growing up. I consider the UK to be home. I’ve lived short term as an expat in several other countries before moving here. I definitely don’t consider where I grew up to be home, but I don’t have strong family connections. I don’t return to any of the other countries I’ve lived. I won’t ever move back there. I own a house here. My dc are culturally British and have never lived anywhere else. Their only family is here. My only family is here.

I was born in one country, moved around a bit as a child and my parents now live in one of those countries, then I lived in a few places until I came to the UK where I married and had children, and intend to stay here, as my husband is British. I have significant British ancestry so it's not entirely like living in a totally foreign culture, but there are always various little things.

Multiple volumes of journals and hours of support groups later... I still cannot answer the question :) I think of home as my current home and I plan my future here. I don't feel 100% like a local. I usually fit in fairly well in "third culture kid" kind of groups, and among international expats etc, but I find it a bit of a sad kind of life. I'm quite envious of people who have very strong roots! I'd like my children to have a more rooted childhood.

We moved around for work and lived in several different countries. In spite of returning to the UK for secondary schooling, DC have all chosen to live overseas in countries they had never even been to before. Once an expat always an expat?

home for me is where I live currently. However where I grew up is also “home”, just in a different way.

I was born in the UK moved abroad at a few months old and grew up and was educated in another country until returning to the UK in my early 20s to university. The longer I live in this country the more the other one seems distant and foreign, as after all, events move on don't they. When you're young though you're more flexible and able to adapt to new places and people, and to be honest it was pretty exciting for a lot of years. I will never feel a 'native' of the UK but I do regard it as my home after all this time. However I can't relate to things people talk about regarding their childhood/teens in England as I didn't experience any of those. If I ever did go back to where I grew up then I expect it would have changed tremendously and I wouldn't feel as if I belonged.

I left the country I was born in when I was eight, I was last there when I was I think 13, it isn’t somewhere I would ever consider home and I’ll never visit again. I moved abroad again a couple of years ago, I settled really quickly here and see it as home more than I ever did the UK despite moving there when I was eight, which is odd really. I lived in the states for a while, I enjoyed it but it felt like a working holiday rather than feeling like home.

Our children were eight and a toddler when we moved, so it will be interesting to see where they consider home as adults.

I grew up in UK and left in my late 20s - I now have citizenship in the country I now live in, I got married here, and raising my kids here.

I refer to both as “home” but really I feel safe in either.

Emigrated to Australia at 3, returned at 20. England was always "home" but think that's because Mum and Dad felt that way.
Ive spent a lot of effort trying to change my ozzie accent, as soon as I stepped off the plane last year I was all "g'day and she'll be right" but my family thought i talked like the queen.😁