Struggling to declutter when it feels like letting go of my old life

[Castaway74]

Short version, I need to declutter. Having lots of stuff around is stressing me and I feel the weight constantly. Getting rid of things has always been a bit of a problem for me but I now have another factor to contend with in that I now have a disability. I'm not dying, but I've had to give up work, hobbies, most of my social life as my condition is an energy limiting one.

While this obviously has an impact on my physical ability to declutter, it is the emotional impact I'm struggling with. The before and now phases of my life, if that makes sense? Getting rid of things is like cutting myself off further from who I used to be and the full life I once had.

It's so hard, coming to terms with my now very small, limited life (although it's been several years now), and throwing out my netball kit, the books I can no longer concentrate on to read, old work stuff, momentos from trips I will never be able to do.

Does anyone have any suggestions/tips for getting to a more comfortable place with it all?

(I did have counselling for a while, but can't justify the cost just to help with my clutter issues!)

This is very relatable to me for various reasons

I’m not going to lie to you

I still have times when I miss my stuff

If you have space to store anything, I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad idea.

I have had phases where I’ve just wanted to get rid of the stuff because I thought it would help me move on.

It didn’t.

But to some extent, nostalgia is the human condition - especially if your life divides into before/after for some reason.

it is nice to have uncluttered surfaces yes. But part of that is I now live in a very small flat. So then it gets more complicated because there’s a lack of choice element thrown in.

💐

@EmeraldRoulette I can tell instantly you get it. I'm sorry that you do. I can sense your sadness about your situation through your post 💐

The hands we are dealt can feel pretty crappy, can't they?

I get what you are saying about hanging on to stuff if you can, but knowing i have all this stuff around is definitely having a negative impact on my here and now. How do I know if I will feel worse or better with it gone? How do I make decisions as to what stays and what goes?

I wonder if other people who also have a before/after life, though not due to illness, have any insight?

@Castaway74 I’m going to try and answer your questions properly later because it may be that some of my thoughts are useful for a change LOL

hopefully this post will give it a bit of a bump as well so you can see what others think

I have a similar situation with illness, a sense of before & after. I find decluttering very hard. Two things that help me are taking photos of things & saving in themed photos - they cld be a photo book maybe, or just in my phone. The other is to keep bits of stuff in a scrapbook to take up less space - eg. A patch of your netball kit, a certificate etc

Your brain is your storage system. You don't physical reminders (stuff) when you have memories.

To add - clutter genuinely drains my limited energy so it is worth the pain to do it, I just do in small bursts, not a whole box or a whole room. I keep a bag for charity on the go, and add to it, and leave it a while before I take it so I can make decisions to declutter knowing I have a window to change my mind. The satisfaction of decluttering means I don’t change my mind.

Thank you @Sofflespop and @MrsMoastyToasty

I have tried the photos, small pieces thing but both feel disrespectful to the memory iyswim? In some ways that makes it feel worse like I can't even have the whole of the thing.

Losing memories is one of my illness issues, so I can't rely on my brain anymore. If I get rid of things, chances are there will be things I never spontaneously remember anymore.

This is why I'm stuck 😪

@Castaway74 my feeling is that people are very influenced by current trends

The current trend is very much "chuck it all away".

I don't find that having a photograph of something is particularly useful. In your case I think that goes double.

So using the netball uniform as an example - at the moment it might seem very painful to remember who you were. In the future you may be glad to remember who you were. Nobody can predict that.

And if that happens, being able to pick up the netball uniform and hold it in your hand is going to be very different than a picture.

would you consider hiring a storage facility or is there someone who can hang onto things for you? I understand you want them out of the way because they're too painful.

aside from the personal issues you our experiencing, I think things have enormous value. Obviously, see everyone is different. But I am a valuer of things. Which is ironic considering I have no space to keep them!

I'm also somebody who has to think for hours before parting with cash 😂 so I don't have a house full of throwaway purchases or stuff I bought because I was bored. Especially from my youth, I would've saved up for it and really thought about it.