Socially inadequate family

[LindorDoubleChoc]

Just spent 48 hours in the company of family at a big event to celebrate grandparents birthdays. Out of 12 of us, there were only 3 people there capable of starting a conversation or asking a question. Those people were me, my DD (25 y/o) and my DS (22 y/o). Everyone else is silent until spoken to. Age range 22 to 85.

Fucking hell! What tedium. The young people who were not my dc were basically staring at their phones, as was my 60 year old bil. My sil was occasionally nagging bil to get off his phone but not her two sons.

It was grim as grim.

Whose idea was the get together? Because no one sounds as if they enjoyed it.

What about the grandparent(s?) having the birthday?

If they weren’t interested in socialising either then I do wonder why the event was organised.

You seem unnecessarily bothered about it, has it caused you any harm? It's good your kids are happy to chat, can't you just enjoy chatting to them?

It's good your kids are happy to chat, can't you just enjoy chatting to them?

OP could have stayed at home and done that!

It's a bit rude to gather together to celebrate the birthdays of elderly relatives then ignore them.

Well, if the 85 year olds the OP mentions as sitting in silence are the ones with the birthdays, they don’t seem particularly enthused either.

But the 85yos were also not engaging.

Families are sometimes frustrating, but this seems harmless enough.

My late 80s mum is quieter these days and tends to listen more than actively participate, could be that her hearing is poorer & she’s just less socially engaged.

I feel for you at gatherings like this though (family or friends), devices have taken over social cues & used as a distraction & reason to not have a conversation. They are a curse sometimes. People will grow up not knowing how to small talk.

It was a 6 hour round trip and cost us about £350 as a family. What do you mean by unnecessarily bothered? Surely you can get an idea of why it might be tiresome. I'd love to see them all and someone start a conversation! My son is graduating this week - his Aunt and Uncle didn't even take any interest in that.

I have people in my wider family like this. In their case it’s not ND but just having never been taught proper social skills. I have an ND child but she already has better coping mechanisms than some of my family. It’s exhausting. My dad doesn’t see them much because he finds it so tiresome.

It sounds like your family just don’t like each others company, that’s not normal at all.

It depends- we go to see relatives who mix and mingle and do small talk to the extreme but when you deviate from the societal norms (weather, holidays, big events), they want to move on to the next people because they have their few sentences and then want moving on! So there are extremes all ways not just the people who don’t speak!!