Lack of family time is really getting me down

[MikeL1993]

When my wife went back to work after maternity leave she reduced her contract to 20 hours a week and gave her availability as being three days during the week and one weekend day but she could work both days but couldn't commit to doing full weekends. For a period it was fine but recently she has started to do more and more full weekends and it is starting to get me down as it means we are having next to no family time.

I have tried to talk to her about this and she makes me out to be selfish for me wanting us to just spend one day a week together where we don't have to focus on work or anything like that and can just spend a full day together as a family. She says she is going to speak to her manager so that when the next rota comes out she will have either a Saturday or a Sunday off but by the time that potentially happens it will have been over 6 weeks since we all last had a day together.

I really do feel like I am running on empty at the moment and am emotionally drained from not seeing my wife all that much apart from in the mornings and evenings. My wife doesn't seem as concerned as me and it is making me question if I am being unreasonable in all this?

I guess it reads that you don’t want to do 2 full days of solo childcare and housework per week but your wife does this during the week?

I find that assumption quite insulting to be honest. Most of the housework is done during an evening when I finish work to free up time for the weekends. Before she was working full weekends continually on the one day I was alone with our son I would take him to parent and child swimming lessons for example, I still do this, but I need that one day a week where we can all spend a full day together as a family.

I don't think you are unreasonable, however, it might be tricky for her to swap once the rota is done.

I didn’t say that was the case I said that is how it could be read. Have you explicitly explained to your wife that this isn’t the case?

Your wife may prefer the day at work to a family day, have you explicitly asked he if that’s the case?

What I needed more than anything when my DC were young was time on my own away from everyone.

Is she trying to save on childcare costs?

There isn’t enough info in your op to comment.

for example - do you need the money as a family?

is your situation - you work full time Monday- Friday so she does the childcare solo then, and then child is in nursery when she works? You haven’t said anything!