Never felt so lonely

[Giraffestory]

NC
Live with DH and older teens. DC off doing own things. DH and I do nothing at the weekend.... and today I realised its getimg me down.

We both work long hours in the week. Neither of us enjoy crowded places eg beach/shops etc.... all the usual places that are crowded on a sunny weekend in uk. We have 2 couples who we see.. but they have both become distant over the year, despite us making a huge effort. We each have own friends.

Currently sitting in my garden, alone, in the sun. Bored. I've come to realise that all I do most weekends is clean/sort/tidying the house, get foodshop, wash clothes, go to the tip, catch up on home/ life admin. I've had enough.

We could go to the local pub . . Where we would sit just us .. what's the point in that.

Currently feels like we have no one couple-friends and feel very excluded from the other couples

You could talk to people at the pub? A quite common thing around here.

Any interests you could pursue? Singing, golf, yoga etc etc

The point is to be together and have a conversation in different surroundings? If you’re feeling like there’s no point maybe your marriage has run its course

@malloryknox123 we have lots to talk about.. but we could just as easily do that at home ? And cheaper!

Today I've seen lots of social media posts of friends (aquintances) out enjoying the sun/ weekends.. and we do ... nothing.. because there is nothing/no group of us to do it with.

It feels like long gone are the bbq invites etc. We have tried to initiate but never any appetite for it
.

I don't have a DH so you're a step above me! But I've been feeling really bored today too (hence coming on MN). Like you, I don't like crowded places and I live in London, so on a day like today, everywhere's crowded.

I think maybe this is making me feel a bit "trapped". Plus I have all my doors and windows wide open and can hear numerous neighbours being social so there's a bit of fomo too! I think sunny days like this do make you think more that everyone is out having fun, except you. I don't really feel like this is the winter.

For me really the only answer is I need to push myself to go out and do something next weekend. If I had a partner I'd probably suggest a trip to somewhere we haven't been before. But, as it stands, I'll just go alone!

@DancingLions totally resonate. Im sorry you don't have a DH to share things with.

That's exactly it re the FOMO.. and doors/windows open to hear it all. Its never hit me as hard as it has today. Yes to feeling trapped.

Sending hugs to you x

Do you live in a village OP? I'm a single mum so don't even have an other half. Is there a parish council or a residents association?

I became a key holder for the village hall, all it involved was unlocking and locking up when people had parties but they were local and I soon got to know them. I had six weeks between jobs so I helped out for an hour a day at the youth club, making bacon rolls. I was invited to join a pub quiz team.

There are so many little things you can volunteer for, that introduce you to other people in your area. It just takes a willingness to put your head above the parapet.

While it might be cheaper, it’s a change of scenery, you might get chatting to other people at the pub or call in somewhere on the way home. Finding things to do gives you things to talk about and shifts away from the monotony of housework and being home.

Yes it’s hard with a small social circle, but finding interesting things to do with each other helps keep things alive.

I think you need to build on your relationship with your DH. Yes, it's nice to have couple friends and lots of social invites but if you can't think of anything to do as a couple then it doesn't bode well for your marriage. Either that or (sorry to say) you both have a lack of imagination.

Me and my DH go for walks, go to museums, the cinema, sit in a cafe and read but together. It’s cheaper to stay at home but going out is about enjoying an experience together.

Quieter beaches and fish and chips.
A long local walk with a picnic in a park somewhere followed by stopping in the pub on the way home.
Cinema matinees are empty and quiet on hot afternoons.
Start a new hobby together - golf, bowling, salsa.
Meet your friends alone without your DH and do something lovely together - national trust house and a glass of wine on the way home?
Plan a lovely complicated meal and cook it together then enjoy it in the garden.
BBQ just the two of you, some music you both enjoy on in the background and a film in the evening.
Dig a new border in the garden and plan how you'll t it up.
Or decorate the back bedroom.
Downsize, buy a camper and the two of you bugger off somewhere lovely for 12 months.

There must be a million things you could do. It's motivation not opportunity you lack.

❤️ this post

Go off somewhere together for the weekend. No phones!

Explore and discover something new about the place you live. We did this during and after covid. Was great.

Sounds like you need to reawaken a hobby you are interested in. Even doing a class locally for an hour a week could help pep the mind. Sounds like you are under stressed, i.e doing too much familiar repetitive stuff and not enough new stuff

Me and my husband early 60s are retired so we tend to not go to busy places at the weekends because we can go during the week. I don't really enjoy sitting in a pub never have done. I think you need to think about what you would enjoy doing, bearing in mind that because you both work during the week it will be busy when you're free at the weekends.

Obviously depends on money but you could join the Narional Trust and visit a different place every week if that's something you'd like or if you enjoy walking, do a walk and stop off at a pub for lunch, go for a walk along the coast.

There's so many different things that you could do, it's surprising how many places that are local to people and they never think of visiting them.

Ooh, go to the theatre. Me and DH always find it more exciting than the cinema and find ourselves talking about what we’ve seen for days after.
Is there much for you to do around where you live? We moved to a busier area a couple of years ago and find we do much more now that we can walk to things and it’s less of an effort to go out.

Sending hugs that sounds hard.
There's quite a lot of social things about where you can meet other couples in similar situations. Seeing music or sport at the pub is an option to get chatting to people. Walking groups or other hobby groups.
Its in your hands. Find what you love and do it :).
My fave is just going for a swim in the sunset. Its free and does me the world of bloody good and makes me feel alive. I also love a nice walk with a coffee stop to read my book. Yours might be yhe opposite. But you can build a life you love and make new connections:)

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, but I get it!

I was feeling like this, so in my wisdom (after many years of thinking about it) we got a puppy….
I have had the most challenging 6 months adjusting to basically having a toddler again and feeling like I had completely ruined my life, but now he’s a dream and I am really enjoying the active lifestyle we currently have. It has also meant I meet up with friends much more often for walks and my social life is currently great.

On the other hand, when I was in the depths of puppy blues, I did ask myself why I hadn’t just gone for walks - I didn’t actually need a dog for this! 🤦‍♀️ It has also made going on day trips and travel more difficult but overall life is currently more fun!