Made redundant from a toxic job and struggling with mixed feelings

[CoraLdn]

Deleted

You’ll look back at this and be very pleased.

I’ve deleted my post because I’m petrified it’s identifiable. Your message brought tears to my eyes though!

The appropriate mixed feelings should probably be happiness and joy.

If you want your post deleted you can report it (use the three dots at the top). Otherwise you haven’t deleted it and it’s still there if people click ‘edited’.

OP, normally redundacy is not persoal, just that the role is no longer required.
Do not take it personally, use the opportunity to find something that suits you better.

I know you've deleted your OP. But I just wanted to say that it is totally normal to have mixed feelings when moving on from a toxic job whatever the circumstances, but particularly when it wasn't entirely your choice. It's a bit like being dumped by a really crap boyfriend when you're younger. You kind of know that you shouldn't have been with them anyway, but you're still very attached to them in a weird way, and them ending it rather than you makes it feel very odd and brings up all sorts of mixed feelings. Time to hold your head high, reflect on what you've learned from the experience and move on with positivity. This too shall pass.

But the first response is totally right. In years to come you will look back on this and consider it a blessing.

Make sure you push hard for a good redundancy package.

If they put you on gardening leave ensure that too is on very good terms.

Take time to destress, spend time with your kids and have a good sumer before you start jobhunting. Could you look up other people who left or were made redundant due to not putting up with the toxic culture? Find out where they are working now and get in touch to ask about openings in less toxic places. Then, if you get a dodgy reference (which is unlikely) they will be able to put in a good word for you.

Updating as so many of you kindly replied just based on the subject.

my brain tells me that this is an opportunity to get out, not be completely stressed about money because they will pay me something, recover mentally and physically, and have a few months-year of being a full time mum, which in all honesty has always been a bit of a dream for me.

i will have to return to work eventually because of finances and I am quite keen to be successful professionally anyway. I am mainly worried about bad references even though I truly didn’t do anything wrong. I know they don’t like me though and I’m so scared that they may ruin a career and reputation I worked so hard for.

If anyone has any good stories of how it worked out for them, please share… for now, I’m cutting costs where I can and will try to survive a few months by being frugal and living mainly on love and air!

It's extremely unlikely you'll get a bad reference. Giving a bad reference is a fraught area generally from a legal perspective so companies don't tend to do it except in extreme circumstances (like Bob was fired because he was convicted of stealing from the company).

What they might do is just confirm the dates you worked there and possibly that you were made redundant. But don't worry about that, a lot of companies have that as a standard policy for all employees so it won't cause concern. In my industry that is the norm.

Are they asking you to sign a settlement agreement? If so ask for it to include a pre-agreed form of reference.